Lost this fight but am going to win the war

[926wolf]

Well what a pita I mow grass for a living (used to anyway) I have had to give away over half my clients as I couldn't service them. Now I can't even leave the house with extreme anxiety. I judge my days by getting out of bed and putting on my work shirt, someday's I finish getting dressed and go to work.

I have had this illness for 30 plus years,have a great medical team behind me,a fantastic wife.But with all this I still cop a beating everyday. So as I say have lost a fight today but am going to win the war. (This is just a little rant)

[Neil_1]

Hi there Wolf

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanx for coming here and providing your post.

You mow lawns for a living, but then you say you used to, so now you’re in a different job??    I’ve sometimes wished to have that kind of job also – you’re outside, you do get a good sense of achievement because you can see what you have actually done and for the most part, you don’t have to deal with the things that a lot of us know as “humans”.  🙂

It gets tiring doesn’t it – copping a beating every day, and YET we still have gone to the enth degree of setting ourselves up – with all the “things that we should do to help ourselves”.

And yes yes, I’m hearing you – ok, the battle or fights can be won and lost on a daily basis, but the war still rages on and I love the positiveness you display in saying that you will WIN the war.

Always great to have a rant or an off-load.

Swing by and do so whenever you feel the need, and what better time than now, seeing as you’ve posted once already.  🙂

Neil

[926wolf]

Hi Neil,

Yes I did have a very healthy mowing business just two weeks ago I gave away half of my customers not because I couldn't physically do the job mentally I felt I was constantly letting them down and off course this increased the spiral down.

I have been going well with this relapse which this time is just on 8 months in length. But and this is a big but with being constantly"stressed" I cant continue the way I work and now feel like I need a total rest (rest = no income) well that's another fight lost.Wish the tablets could be counted as calorie intake would just have to buy them and no food. Keep active

[Neil_1]

Hi there Wolf,

Does your 2nd to last comment mean that you’re not eating overly well?

It’s really troubling when it gets to the point where we can’t even complete our work, get to work or just work in general – because as most of us also have to struggle with that thing called ‘money’.  So hence another stressor enters our path.  Like a vicious circle.

Keep firing your ammo at this mongrel beast – don’t let it beat you.

Neil

[926wolf]

Hi Neil1

I am eating well counting the tablets was meant as a joke I gulp down that many.

Yes stressing on money is a killer,I have just wound back the mowing business by giving away 2/3rds of it. At least i can cope with that

[JessF]

Hello wolf, you have a great attitude considering the stress you are under. I know what you mean when you say you judge your days based on whether you can get up, and get out the door. But by the same token you also seem to know that on the days when you can't do this, that it isn't the end of the world and you can try again tomorrow. It's the same for me, i guess this is what comes with dealing with anxiety and depression for so many years, you learn to cope.

I wondered, with your business, whether there was any way that you could adapt what you're doing rather than giving away all your clients. As in, if you are still able to function well enough at home, could there be a way of you acting as a referral/booking service for clients and you get a percentage of income that way? Perhaps hiring some contract lawnmowers to work for you? This is the same kind of thing that someone might have to consider if they broke their leg, for example. Potnetially this might be a way that you could scale your business model... just a thought, while you're recovering perhaps.