Who am I these days...

[Mr_Nate]

For 12 years until recently I was a carer for my now ex disabled partner doing everything for her, helping her in and out of bed, in and out of bed, on and off the toilet, cleaning and bathing her, cooking, washing, cleaning as well as spemding time with the kids and working for her father which didn't leave much time for myself. I ended up tired, depressed and was at the point where I didn't care anymore and wasn't looking after myself, lost touch of who I am, what I wanted in life.

As I mentioned, I have recently moved out, still Depressed and suffering with Anxiety, gave up working with her father after the years of being treated like crap from him put-downs every day, verbal abuse and put-downs and dodging flying cups, plates and knifes most days, thing was getting pretty toxic.

Now I am away from what I say was a toxic situation, I am still suffering with Depression and Anxiety, with not working and trying to live on Newstart which is $550 per fortnight and alot of free time on my hands I tend to think too much about things that's happened.

I feel like now I away from that toxic situation/relationship I have lost touch with who I am, what I want in life, and being I have a low self-esteem and low confidence levels form put-downs and verbal abuse I don't know how to build up my confidence and self-esteem.

What can I do? Where do I start? How do I find who I am again?

I hate feeling depressed, I hate anxiety, I want to be alone alot of the time when I should be spending time with my new partner of near 2 months now

[Marema]

Rest enough. Feed your body with the best nutrients you can. Feed your mind with knowledge and your ears with music and the sound of the wind. Feed your eyes with nature and beautiful things. Feed your spirit with people who remind you about your best qualities. Meet new people, to practice becoming the person you want to be known as. Feed your sense of touch with sand, grass, water, bedsheets.
Speak to a professional who can help you.
You've already written a post here, reaching out- that demonstrates that you are as ready as you could ever be to make gradual, escalating improvements on how you feel.

[Mr_Nate]

Thankyou for your reply.

The thing of it is also, I was made cut off from family or lose my son, those that used to be in my life who would remind me of my best qualities most likely won't want anything to do with me after being cut out of my life for so long, spose I got to make the first move to see what happens there.

I have had appointments with councillors but really felt uncomfortable talking with them, I don't know why, how else can I talk to a professional not feeling comfortable talking to them?

One good thin, my new partner is great to be around, I even don't feel comfortable talking to her about most things too. I have had 3 friends say to me 'you look more alive, you don't look as run down since you left such a toxic relationship and shitty situation'..

[Shanegi]

I'm feeling for you Mr Nate. Im in the same boat not so much of leaving a toxic situation, which by the way good for you. But having to find myself again, who am I after running around and helpiing everyone being there support a shoulder to cry on, and ground hog day every day.

I got to apoint where my body has had enough and broke.

How do we find out who we are? One day at a time and start from the beginning and start with yourself. Write down little set goals for yourself and cross them out when you have achieved them take time out just for you weather it is a walk, I find putting my headphones on and listen to my fav music helps me alot.

Talk soon