When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Welllll, just when you thought , right- well when l did anyway.

She called this morning and man, there's just something about that woman on the phone. l know what it is, of course , but to put it down on paper here, not doable.

lt doesn't seem to matter where we've been or what's happened as in this case not talking for awhile now and her telling me she doesn't think she can cope a few mths back.

lf we get on the phone- or in person but not doable either right now so it's phone- it's just like flood gates open for us both. There is not one person on this planet that either of us would rather be talking to , or that have even remotely , our thing. Except of course for her her son and for me my d - but apart from that.

Anywayyyy, no suprises really on the situation. Atm she's feeling better and getting on top of things agaain.Of cuse l know the pattern she just ends up dumping her self in ti,, gets stressed her health goes down andd she thinks she's doomed, until she gets on top of things again. She can't see it herself though , she's a bit weird like that.

Butttttt, it's still near impossible to know just wth to do with it. She's still been thinking about coming down over the hols at some stage buttttt- her son and his wifey will also just be arriving back from os, they've been over seeing her family in Japan, more hold ups . And she's still hoping l could go up there somehow rather than her move down to here if we went on ,

l dunno, talking to my brother about that stuff the other day- the one that's been with his gf over 20yrs but living 3hrs apart and just visiting that whole time yetttt- here they are still together. Thing is Sydneys a lot further than 3hrs even if we just visited up and back forever or until we worked something else out.

So he thinks it's pretty clean cut , if one of us doesn't want to move wellllll. Hmmm, a lot easier said than done though , we both know we'll never have us with anyone else.

rx

[CMF]

Ah found you again.

Yes. I would leave it be if I were you.  Your brother's right, if neither of you prepared to move, well...

Easier said than done, I know. You sounded like you'd made up your mind till she called.

Cmf

[Guest_1584]

Heyyyy cm.

Thanks for that.

Yeahhhh, l had, until we talk again. lt's like when we do there just can't be anyone else and all that goes out the window.

Butttttt, l suppose if it does come to there instead of here then ldk , your both prob right surely , what else could there be to do. l actually love the drive up and back but we couldn't keep doing that or her flying down forever though.

Tbh , l'm just kinda hoping she still does just get back down here over the hols though bc l still think that could well turn the Sydney thing around and she might just stay.

When l say hoping though well, not living in hope as such. l'm still just getting on with life l've come to terms with that now butttt, the door can still be open too until then as well.

How you doin anyway ?

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx and CMF, just popping in to say a cheery farewell. 

I'm leaving the forums for a hiatus (respite perhaps? lol). 

All is awesome with us all here. 
Huge changes happening more detail on my thread. 
My motivation to enjoy every moment in my real life is pressing me to be there instead of online! 

I wish you BOTH / ALL the very very BEST of all things, always and THANK YOU! 
Love EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Hi ya em.

Sorry to hear it butttt , at the same time l can well understand and good for you , been working on that one myself of late too.

Ps , yesterday my brother and l carved out a beautiful little coffee table for my porch, from a gorgeous hand picked log. Well he did the carving with chainsaw l did some designing and sanding , really need something to put my coffee and a wine on out there haha. Gonna sand it and shape it better over the next few wks and lacquer it but l'm also looking for some little cast iron claw feet for it - it reminded me of life itself atm, reckon you'd like it though but yeah , life is such a work in progress isn't it.

You've come such a long long way with your coffee tables and beautiful kids and so wth not hey , enjoy the fruits .

Thanks for all your help and amazing support for so many round here, see it all coming back to you 10fold hey and the best for you too.

Many huggems. rx

[Guest_1584]

Wellll , anyone that reads will know by now a few days mins or wks is a long time with gf, no telling what drama she'd had come across haha.

Anyway no surprises she's - we've, still been in touch or she just calls like nothings happened it's quite funny cracks me up really but l know the pattern by now.

But a few wks right, l did warn ya , big things have happened, more, and very sadly in this case bc it's looking like her son and his w are breaking up. tHey've been os in her country seeing her family but sadly he's come home alone l feel so badly for him. She's been in some kind of depression since having the kids they use to get along really well but this last few yrs , you'd wouldn't even know her. She doesn't want to come back and she wants to keep the kids there with her, it's a nightmare , just a really sad sad nightmare .

l dk if they will break up for good , l hope not but he's arranging his work, getting rid of their place here and things ,to go stay over there 12mths, for his kids and hoping for her too.  l doubt she'll be moving back to oz though so if they did work it out even after the 12 mths it'd mean him staying over there anyway.

Soooo, this means whichever way it goes for them , gf has no reason to stay there anymore now. lt's just such a really sad situation l feel guilty with the bright side but so she still really wants to def' come down over the hols now and just be together again and well.

As l've said anyway l think around here , the door was staying open until the hols and now this latest soooo, we see.

Meantime life's just been going on at my end.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

Oh wow. That is really sad for her son but hopefully they can save the relationship.  You're right though. This means gf is free to be with you. No excuses. Maybe the Universe is rewarding you for your patience? Her son & his family were keeping gf away from you. The path is clear now for her to come back to you.  

Keep us updated. I'd love for you to have your patience & understanding pay off.

Here, hope the Universe does the same for me.

Cmf

[Guest_1584]

Heya cm

Yeah it really is, he's such a sweet guy her son too l can't believe this is happening for him now. 

Me though, us, ah, yeah l would've called it patience first part of this yr but with all the crap never ending l'd long since made up my mind l wasn't waiting round l'd be just getting on with life and have been. And really, even with this latest now tbh, on the us side of it, it's all still just with a grain of salt atm right now to me ha.Knowing her there'll still , somehow , be something else next min anyway but if there is then that's gonna be end of the road for me l'm afraid.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I have to agree. If she comes up with another reason not to be with you you need to move on. Maybe it's not tge Universe clearing the path. Maybe it's the Universe showing you what's really meant to be. This is her chance to show you what she really wants. 

Cmf

[Guest_1584]

Yeah , unfortunately l def' can't just let it go on if something else comes up yet again.

Meantime though l'm prob going away for some hols and just doing my thing , to hell with it well. No expectations until there's a plane ticket .