What is wrong with me.. I have had enough of feeling like this.

[Elizabella]

Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum. Am up late as don't want to go to sleep as am worried that my councillor session I booked for tomorrow morning will not bring the results I feel I need. I have a very good life but over the last 3 years I have had some traumatic things happen. My life seems to be a constant stream of ups and downs.. More downs than ups. No matter what I do I am just existing.. Not living.. Today was a bad day. I have noticed I have been struggling for a while but today was the day that broke the camels back. My mother is in hospital and I am all she has. I take on a lot of responsibility and feel really helpless that I cannot fix her and I have to see her suffer. I have been getting sick very often and have been feeling under the weather the last two weeks. I struggled at work this morning, a job I used to love, and I then got a call about my mum. The last time I had a loved in a hospital they died..  something just snapped in me. I couldn't stop crying. I rang my husband and I rang my aunty and I asked her to come with me as I had to be strong for my mum but I honestly didn't feel I could do it alone. My husband is really wonderful. I called him and he was just there for me. We have been through a bit together. It has changed us but also brought us together. I feel he is also struggling. I try to talk to him and he sometimes opens up. When I picked up my Aunty I broke down even further. I couldnt stop crying and I just kept telling her how I felt etc. I felt guilty for asking her to come with me. I got extremely lost on the way to the hospital. I cannot focus or concentrate much. Find myself zoning out very quickly. Cancelled the rest of my day and after making sure mum was ok I came home. Fell asleep on the couch.. ate something.. then hubby came home. The rest of the night was good - minus how I feel. I already take something for anxiety. I remember going to the doctor years ago and said I felt unwell. He said nothing was wrong and gave me a prescription. Now everytime I go to the doctor I think it is all in my head. I have put off going to the doctor too at times because of this. I am also a very good actress so I am worried that I will walk into the councillor tomorrow and be perfectly fine. I AM NOT FINE.... Anyway.. I just needed to say that I had an absolutely awful day and have had an awful time at late. I do tend to isolate myself.. and everything is taking a lot more effort.. Thank you for listening to my 1am rant.

[geoff]

dear Elizabella, I sincerely hope all the very best for dear mum, and please can I say that you are struggling too much trying to cope with all of these unfortunate issues which are just mounting up day by day, so please what I would really like for you to do when you see your counsellor is to think of your mum being in hospital, and I say this because I want you to cry and breakdown in front of your counsellor, to let him/her know exactly how you are feeling.

You can't hold it in any longer because it will only get worse, so you really need to talk to someone who is trained to listen to people who are experiencing great pain or anxiety, and this also has to be done with your doctor, and it maybe a good idea to change doctors, so you could ring BB on the phone number above and they will direct you to a doctor who is aligned with BB and treats people with depression whatever type it maybe.

Please, I am going to ask you if you can please trust me and I hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Elizabeth CP]

I am going to repeat what I have been told by my psychologist when I have been in similar situations. You are experiencing a normal reaction to a very difficult stressful situation so don't feel guilty or bad for not coping or needing to ask for help. I was a full time carer for my mum for 12 years which was fine when she was well but I became extremely stressed whenever she became seriously unwell and in hospital. I have also had my husband in hospital seriously unwell on several occasions. I also struggled with simple things particularly making logical decisions about what I should do.

Based on my experience I advice you to cut yourself some slack accept or request assistance when you need it. Accept that when you are really worried and stressed even normal tasks become difficult as you don't think straight. You will get back to normal when the stress eases. Allow yourself to cry. Talk to the councilor about what you are feeling. They will help you by allowing you to vent and sort out out your thoughts and help you avoid the trap of feeling worse because you think you aren't coping as well as you should.

good luck with the councelling and with your mum. 

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, this thread is a duplicate. Please feel free to continue your discussion in the original thread here, and this one will be closed.