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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 0

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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figen no more tears to shed
  • replies: 1

what if you cant cry anymore. There are no more tears to shed. Anger is not the resolution as your not angry. What happens to your state of mind. Do you accept the circunstances and try to make sense of it, or sleep hoping it will go away. We cant de... View more

what if you cant cry anymore. There are no more tears to shed. Anger is not the resolution as your not angry. What happens to your state of mind. Do you accept the circunstances and try to make sense of it, or sleep hoping it will go away. We cant depend on others to make us happy, belong somewhere, think of our consequences, actions and train of thought. We seek advice and up goes our medication doses. Isnt there any proper diagnoses for all our symptoms. Im tired of being called unreliable, lazy, worthless, you just sleep all day. You have no future, think about your health, destroying people around you, Get up , get a hobby, excersice, eat healthy..... well its called depression, Bipolar1 &2 anxiety. We think alot but have no energy or mind set to do anything. When mania everyone loves us. We are then normal. Then they welcome us back. How can we forget about the past. The past is our history which makes us feel the way we do today. We look into our past to solve our problems. Only then we will be releived of our burdens and move on. The past haunts us fear causes anxiety why? Are we failures in what we do...or were we abused for years and now believe it..... I can go on, on, on. Yet depressed, bipolar,mental illness people are still judged. As we are the crazy ones or scared of us because we are very angry and never know when we will attack. Mefications help us but no one knows. People dont talk normally they just agree because of mental illness.media has to get involved. Not only beyond blue fans bike rides. This is serious people have to now more about it. Like smoking, gambling,

AstroRug Dreams are dying, can you help?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone First off, I think you're all amazing people to give support to strangers. I know i lurk around the internet when I'm feeling particularly bad and out of ideas, but if I get well I'm off trying to lead a 'normal' life again and pretend th... View more

Hi everyone First off, I think you're all amazing people to give support to strangers. I know i lurk around the internet when I'm feeling particularly bad and out of ideas, but if I get well I'm off trying to lead a 'normal' life again and pretend that this bad patch never happened. After years of getting sucked back into it, you'd think I'd learn right? I'm obviously a pretty slow learner. So I moved cities last year to take on a pretty big challenge - going back to uni at 30 to do a really tough course, which is totally unrelated to everything I'd done in the past. I had a really good job before that, although I always felt that nag of dissatisfaction and the sense that I should be putting my energy into something more worthy. So I took a big gamble leaving my company after nearly 5 years, and having been up here for about 20 months, it's dawning on me that I lost. I started finding it really difficult after about 6 months, after 8 months I stopped being able to enjoy or relax on weekends or holidays, after 1 year I stopped being able to think clearly, and after nearly 18 months my mind and body have just given up. I was attending the compulsory activities but was mentally a shattered wreck. I got in touch with the course administrators, who very generously have allowed me to take 12 months off, and now 3 weeks later here I am. I've been treated for depression on and off for 12 years, and it got ramped up by a psychiatrist this year, who thinks it's a bipolar II disorder. To me it's just pain. I don't think I've ever had it this bad. Things look terribly bleak. Being someone who needs a plan, and to feel like they know where they're going, I'm not coping very well feeling this lost. I just have no energy for anything, and I don't think I'm ever going to again. I feel like I've been doing everything I can to get going again - seeing psychiatrists, seeing psychologists, spending time with friends, eating well, exercising, opening up to people - but every effort I make just leaves me with a sense of failure. Everything I do now feels futile, pointless and ill-conceived. The dreams I had are now in complete tatters and I feel destined to give up on everything, eventually. . My mother came up to visit me and she eventually broke down in tears after I explained to her how much I'm hurting. It breaks my heart to cause this pain to others I appreciate your reading - I know you'd like to help but I don't think anything can.

matchew Feeling lost and need some guidance
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone I do not really know how to start this so if I’m jumbled up please excuse me. I have been dealing with depression anxiety/ difficulty socializing with anyone in general for a bit over 3 years and lately it has started to become more an... View more

Hello everyone I do not really know how to start this so if I’m jumbled up please excuse me. I have been dealing with depression anxiety/ difficulty socializing with anyone in general for a bit over 3 years and lately it has started to become more and more of a problem. I found this site and decided to do the test thinking id pass no worry’s after doing the test I got a 35 (high) which has got me thinking maybe there is more to this then I thought and maybe my thoughts are not normal. This is not something recent either I have been having these thought / feelings for over 3 years now in which time I have lost most my friends and have lost a few relations because I feel as tho they do not care and that I do not deserve to be happy.I have trouble even looking for work cause I feel that it is pointless. Most the time I don’t want to interact with people I would prefer to be alone as I cant seem to feel any connections with people anymore. I want to seek help for this but I have no idea where to even start and even if I did I have been training myself to make sure no one can see it and I’m worried that if I go to seek help I will try and hid how bad it is and look like I’m lying or over reacting. All I know is I want to be able to interact with people with out feeling as if I do not deserve it I sick of constantly feeling down I want to be able to feel and be happy again. Even now I feel like my explanation is me over reacting every time I have seeked helped so far threw friends or family I just get told to man up:/.

white knight Can I dry your tears before they fall?
  • replies: 6

For some time I've been depression free, almost fooled myself I it wasnt coming back. Of course we do this all the time, a life of hoping and dreaming with that dark black dog shadow lurking, watching and sniffing, waiting for his chance to pounce. A... View more

For some time I've been depression free, almost fooled myself I it wasnt coming back. Of course we do this all the time, a life of hoping and dreaming with that dark black dog shadow lurking, watching and sniffing, waiting for his chance to pounce. And in these past few days what accompanies my depression is a mix of sadness and depth that I find hard to describe even to myself. Usually never lost for words I suddenly have few. Then a dear friend rang me and I blurted out my current condition and she asked me to write it down. BEFORE THEY FALL It not matter about me and my health Nor my money and perceived wealth It does matter if my friend wants to call Can I dry your tears before they fall? And if you let me please do Talk about your issues and what bothers you us that have problems every hour of the day do understand when your mind is in decay You might walk slower than you often can Doubting yourself like this mixed up clown of a man If you are in distress and need some hugs and ears It not matter but can I dry your tears? I carry a bucket with me everywhere I dont care if the world is full of stares I'll place it at your feet any time you call Can I dry your tears before they fall? A simple poem. That's me when depressed. Recently a thread was here from a member about how sad stories might contribute towards increasing depression. Although this thread is sad I dont want it to be. What a contradiction that last sentence was!. I am off for 3 days tomorrow camping. I'm hoping by Monday I'll be well.. So right now I've decided to start that weekend off, reboot my attitude, change direction and be happier. It's a tough call, can I do it? Yes, I will. Damn it I will. Here is my start. A SIMPLE POEM It's when I worked for Telstra I had a bit to say Before I entered a porta-potti on a bright and sunny day It was the type on two wheels for workers where they'd moan And I decided during this time to write a simple poem Upon this dunny seat where I do my bit An interesting episode of where my botty sits" Well this dunny on a trailer was towed by a fellow mate And off he drove to the shop and mi' mouth was just agape With mi' undies at mi' ankles and the seat wrapped around mi' neck I tried to stop mi' tender arse from sliding off the deck The slop began to lick my bot, sloshing from side to side I yelled and screamed for him to stop so I could restore my pride "Upon this dunny seat where I do my bit An interesting episode of where my botty sits".... Tony WK I've made the first step.

Unbeliever Tired of this place
  • replies: 5

I have tried to be a good person all my life. I have made decisions to avoid contributing to many of the things that I have always known are terrible burdens on this world. I have never doubted the choices I have made were the right thing to do, desp... View more

I have tried to be a good person all my life. I have made decisions to avoid contributing to many of the things that I have always known are terrible burdens on this world. I have never doubted the choices I have made were the right thing to do, despite the effect it has had on my personal life. If I could go back and do it all again, I honestly can't imagine what exactly I would choose to do differently. But my choices has had strong influence on my personal relationships, my employment, my day to day life. I have always been seen as strange and stubborn by others, from strangers to the people who love me despite.....what I am. I have struggled to find my place in life, in this world, in this society....and to date I have failed to belong to anything, at any time, in any place. People have told me that I have failed to learn how to "play the game", I cannot deny this. As I believe that good people "playing the game" is one of the strongest factors about why so many things have become so terrible for so many people in our world. I have never wanted to play, for me it has never been a game. It hurts me to be a part of this place. The pain is....tangible. Even in moments that I enjoy, even in those times I can successfully distract myself the most, even if only briefly....that pain is always there. Haunting me.As I have gotten older it has become more difficult to hide....more difficult to pretend that I am ok. There are disappointments, moments that happen to everyone, just a normal part of everyday life, that when they happen to me now they can tear me apart. It is not any individual thing by itself. Even the worst things that have ever happened to me by themselves would be easy to deal with. But combined with everything else into the monstrosity of pain it has become. The smallest thing becomes overwhelming instantly.I have hurt since I was a child, and it has progressively become worse over time. I am 37 years old....and I am tired. It is not about wanting to die, or not wanting to live....I just desire the pain to stop. Simple, it's not complicated. I have done the anti-depressant thing. I have been to the counsellors and the psychiatrists more times that I can count. Done group therapy. Changed my diet, done exercise, joined sports groups.It's killing my mother...who couldn't possibly deserve to watch this happening to me any less. It's not fair to her at all.I am so tired. I' ve had enough, I've seen enough....I don't want to see any more.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Ellmo How does one find their purpose in life?
  • replies: 1

Of course you can't tell me the answer to my purpose, per se, but how am I supposed to figure it out for myself? I've soul searched and cannot come up with a point. What's the point to my life?I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die until I'm an old la... View more

Of course you can't tell me the answer to my purpose, per se, but how am I supposed to figure it out for myself? I've soul searched and cannot come up with a point. What's the point to my life?I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die until I'm an old lady, yet I have still found myself writing out who I want my belongings to go to when I pass, and hurting myself, as if it will be next week! I am confused at why I keep feeling so down. It hits like a Mac truck.I feel stuck in a job that I have lost passion for, but that everyone tells me I'd be stupid to leave as I'm about to clock up long service leave, and they have an amazing mat.leave policy for when my husband and I decide to start a family (in the next few years) which makes me feel stuck. It's not the job I want to do, but the job opportunities are next to none for a woman my age in my town.I'm studying a general uni course (Bach Arts) part-time (reg. job 4 days a week) because I don' t know what else to do/what I'm passionate about, but I want a degree with the hopes it'll get me a better job. My grades are starting to slip. I've let myself go the past 6 or so months and the weight is creeping on. I've gone from an active, 3-4x a week at the gym, kinda girl who this time last year triumphantly ran her first 10 kms (after forever declaring I'm 'not a runner'), to coming home from work, sleeping and watching TV and basically not moving at all every single night.My sleeping pattern is all over the shop. I won't go to bed until quite late then wake up early, but force myself to sleep as long as I can because I can't bear to face my closet thinking of what I can wear today that won't make me look pregnant (even though I'm not, but everyone is harassing us about it and my weight gain has people whispering), and wondering how I can structure my day so that I can speak to as little people as possible, because the effort of pretending I'm 'normal' is so hard.I'm just confused. I have great friends, supportive family, wonderful beautiful loving husband, great job with perks (despite feeling 'over it'), and I'm an ungrateful, lazy, whingeing , who can't be happy with my lot- then I feel guilty and shameful that I'm feeling yuk about my life. I'm thankful for this safe place to unpack my mind from time to time, even if it is non-sensical and makes me appear to be a vain, silly person. These feelings have intensified since my mother-in-law passed 3 mths ago.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Joya The good days
  • replies: 2

You know the ironic thing about depression? It's the really happy days that follow. .. I feel wonderful today, hopeful even. But what about the people that I hurt when I couldn't pick up the phone to talk to them? What about the customers that won't ... View more

You know the ironic thing about depression? It's the really happy days that follow. .. I feel wonderful today, hopeful even. But what about the people that I hurt when I couldn't pick up the phone to talk to them? What about the customers that won't come back because I was in such a hopeless state that I couldn't give them the service that they deserved. Those are the thoughts that remain in my mind in the aftermath of depression. I feel like a fraud, because I know that it'll return and the cycle will start all over again. It's so baffling. ...

Mack_ Not sure where to turn
  • replies: 6

I have had severe depression for 14years or so, in the past year I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and am struggling to come to terms with it. It goes through phases where I can "normalize" myself but other times I crumble over the silliest a... View more

I have had severe depression for 14years or so, in the past year I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and am struggling to come to terms with it. It goes through phases where I can "normalize" myself but other times I crumble over the silliest and smallest of things. in the 14 years I'vesuffered; I've gone through bulimia, anorexia, self- harm and OCD. I still sometimes struggle with SH, and that is when I know things are getting bad again. i work in quite a stressful environment, and really have to stop myself from getting angry or crying at work. I just feel so angry and worthless. I don't know if I should attempt to change jobs to something less stressful where every decision is on me (this thought creates anxiety attacks thinking of change..) or do I just reduce my hours? If I reduce my hours I then worry about the financial stress of doing so?! im torn with what to do, today is particularly bad. I'm stressed, tired, angry, dissociated. I struggle to pay for psychological help, and am currently medicated. Apologies if this makes no sense, venting and hoping it will for someone and they can guide me. In some way or another? Thanks in advance. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

bluestar make my thoughts stop......please
  • replies: 3

I've had depression since i was 16 i'm now 36. i've had enough. i'm on anti depressants and seeing a great counsellor who trys so hard to help me and i just mess it up. I'm just so over it. i'm sick of feeling good not needed the drugs and help and t... View more

I've had depression since i was 16 i'm now 36. i've had enough. i'm on anti depressants and seeing a great counsellor who trys so hard to help me and i just mess it up. I'm just so over it. i'm sick of feeling good not needed the drugs and help and than bang it hits and i want to give up. how much can a person take?? why cant i do and keep up with what my counsellor tells me it's like i'm scared of being happy actually i dont know what happy is and i dont feel like i deserve it. all my friends have their awesome realtionships and kids and i've got me and my mind in my room alone. i want to like myself and than maybe i might find a guy that likes me but it's sooooo hard. Being younger was so much easier no boyfriends, no kids just your friends and fun times. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

guest146 Is this regular depression?
  • replies: 2

Hi BeyondBlue, After reading some of the threads here, I decided to post and seek feedback. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for a decade, but after reading the forums, I am beginning to think I show much stronger signs of depression. I am always "... View more

Hi BeyondBlue, After reading some of the threads here, I decided to post and seek feedback. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for a decade, but after reading the forums, I am beginning to think I show much stronger signs of depression. I am always "coming down". It has taken over my weekends, my job, I struggle to maintain friends because sooner or later they get distant, and I've scared off so many people with my behavior and tendency to be inconsistent, negative and destructive. I am anxious and self conscious alot of the time. I have very few hobbies outside of work because I'm depressed enough not to be able to get into activities, and I have trouble navigating basic directions, functions, get lost easily etc. I have sought professional help and medication without any luck so far, and I have suicidal thoughts on a weekly basis.This is a hard and dysfunctional existence beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.