What if.......

[Mangof]

What if 8 mths ago my day started as usual and ended as usual? But it didn't like a spiral appearing from nowhere spinning so fast that my breath is lost my chest is full of air and I can't breath endless deep darkness strangles what was once a successful loved wife and mother of 3 . Unbelievable in my own mind of what has happened no words just emptiness tears and breathlessness the feeling of being useless,ugly,unworthy of my good life.

trying to fight the feelings by being positive and hating myself at the same time this is Crazy! Looking in a window seeing the scene play out then realising that person crying and so sad is in fact YOU.

children crying because mums yelling What's wrong with me! My husband crying seeing me shatter into small pieces.

What if.......this did not happen would time just have reallocated another day,place,time for it all to unfold?

how do I cope with the changes of feeling ok to feeling so intensely sad?

making irrational decisions because of anxiety attacks that overwhelm me. Trying to explain why I did things that in the real world are just easy to say no to? Lost sense of completeness,

Empty days of loneliness due to not being able to leave the house.

will this become easier and what do I need to do?

This black dog is real and nasty. 

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[Zeal]

Hi Mangof,

Well done for posting here - it's brave, honest, and constructive. Your depression and anxiety both sound quite intense, and you have pinpointed 8 months as about the duration you've been experiencing these conditions for. Firstly, have you been diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety by your doctor? Even if you have already seen your GP or another professional in the past about your mental health concerns, I suggest you make an appointment with your GP to talk through what you have posted on this forum. You could print this post out and show your doctor, as a starting point for discourse.

Your family clearly love you and care about you deeply. You must be a great mother and wife, and I imagine it's so hard for them to see you struggling internally so much. They probably don't know how to help or what to do. The best move you can make for both you and your family is to seek professional help. Your GP can explain the options to you, and can refer you to a recommended professional that will be most suited to your needs 🙂

I hope you are able to start breaking down the barrier of mental illness, with time and support.

Take care,

SM

[Mangof]

Hi SM thanks for replying yes I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and are currently seeing a psychologist and on medications. Things have been getting better but at the moment I have been down the roller coaster ride we all speak of. Its exhausting and very confusing. Any tips on managing day to day would be great.

[geoff]

dear Mangof, it can be very difficult coming onto a site and tell people you don't even know about the problems you are having, but now the ice has been broken, so thank you and welcome.

For me depression and anxiety are joined together, but as above in 'The Facts' they both have their own category, I only say this because I have both, but am coping with them, thankfully at last, and now the swing has turned and unfortunately landed facing you, as there is no end on where it's going to fall on.

Can I suggest that you click onto 'Resources' at the top of this page and order all 'the Printed Material' from BB, which is free and sent to you, because what it does is to outline all the different types of depression, the pro's and con's, but it is well worth getting.

I only say this because people need to know what this illness can do to us and then contributes to downward feeling, as I call it my bible, and sorry to those who are religious as I don't mean to disrespect you.

What I would do is to read it and then pose some questions back to your psychologist, and in the meantime you could read 'The Facts' which is also above.

All I want to do is for you to try and understand why you feel this way.

I hope that you can get back to us, L Geoff. x

[Mangof]

Hi Geoff,

thanks for the support and info I have ordered some information to be sent so that's great. It's so good to be able to find resources that will explain what the heck is happening not feeling so alone anymore since finding this site going through this certainly knocks you around but I guess from reading everyone's posts it's important to remember that others are in fact living with this and so can I 🙂 small steps ....

thanks again

thanks again