Fog and fumble

[haggis_]

Hi everyone,

I don't often post on internet forums, always being more a post trawler. After reading through peoples stories about depression and anxiety on beyond blue and other support websites, I felt like it really validated some of the stuff I'd been feeling. It's actually very comforting to know, in a way, you're not that special. I finally felt I should add my own feelings. 

I was diagnosed with depression about 6 months ago. I have been seeing a psychologist for most of that time and have recently started on anti-depressants. I have supportive friends and family who know what I'm going through. So I have supportive networks. But onto something I've been experiencing and wanted to share.

 I feel I often can't think straight even in easy life situations. In the morning when I get ready for work I find it hard to follow a basic routine. For instance - making porridge. Involving grabbing a bowl, spoon, oats, milk and microwaving to make some porridge - easy right? But I often find myself hesitating in gathering all the different items. Like moments of complete blankness. It doesn't have any flow or ease. Everything is very slow. This feeling of fumbling through things extends to settings outside the kitchen.

Luckily for me, my work is very structured and routine (involving a lot of data entry, processes and computer work). Even still, I find myself making little absent minded mistakes and then upon reflection not knowing why I made that decision in the first place. It's like I'm not even completely there. And in workplace discussions I find my reasoning skills and even my ability to articulate myself properly is extremely hard. I find myself fumbling through the words.

 And social situations are the hardest thing of all. It's rare for me to be able to engage people beyond the very routine conversations about the weekend or the weather. I find myself trying to think of things to say or ask. Sometimes on certain topics I can chat a bit about them but it's rarely a free flowing engaging two-way conversation. I frequently forget important pieces of information that people tell me like partners names, places they've been, interests they have. With Humour, innuendo & sarcasm I often find myself getting very confused by and often have to fake laughter at moments I think it's 'right' to laugh just to get along with people. 

 I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this?

[Pebz]

Hello Haggis. Good on you for posting. I understand extreamly what you mean. I have lived with a brain like that for over 20 years on and off and particularly when I am unwell. Im curious if you always have had the fog or if it began with the meds? As one reason we can get foggy heads is because of them. Its hard to tell at times, especially if you have had to take seditives or sleeping pills. I have had some major issues with work and relationships because of forgetting things and situations. I was really good at my job, but if i was not well I would make silly mistakes. I had to try and focus super hard and find ways to do this so I could do my job.... I use to triple check my work and never assumed I did something if I couldn't remember and check. It was fustrating and confusing to be like this but unfortuantely it is a symptom for some and we have to work hard at getting or neurons working properly. Many do not understand this part of the illness. My manager thought i was just being lazy and didnt care about my work ( she had it in for me) but it was far from the truth!!

I know don't do that job because I did have to leave for my health. 

If it becomes an issue, it is a matter of doing exercises for your brain also. I found doing puzzles and reading helped my brain to get moving and focus. letting your mind rest and doing mediations are also good. I found that if I didn't need my brain, i wouldn't use it so it rested and had time to heal. Maybe your psychologist could help with some techniques for mindfullness. 

🙂 

[Qualm]

Hi Haggis, welcome to the forum!

I can pretty much relate to everything you've said. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of depression or something else, but I often feel like I'm in a fog and unable to think clearly. I can be doing a simple task like counting something and then just completely losing where I was at. I also do that thing where I forgot people's names (or missing them completely) after being introduced. I hear it's to repeat the name - "Hi John, nice to meet you", but I keep forgetting!

[Doolhof]

Hi Haggis and Qualm,

Thanks for both sharing, and yes, I too totally understand how you feel! I guess it is one of those things we just keep to ourselves, or when you do mention it to someone else as a concern, it is often just brushed aside!

If these happenings become too much for you Haggis, then have a chat with your Dr. He or she may be able to give you some kind of answer or reason for you acting this way. I have had a brief chat with my Dr but didn't really go into it too much. There is only ever so much time allocated for an appointment!

That is a great thing about this forum, there is no rush, you can chat about what ever you want o or feel like you need to.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't seem to organise themselves! Some mornings I dash out the door with my hand bag, swimming stuff, my lunch and maybe another bag with other bits I might need during the day.

The problem is which bag to pick up first? Where do I put them all in the car? Which hand should I carry them in? Do I have everything? Maybe this should go in this bag and that can go in the other bag! What do I have int hat bag anyway?

It takes me 10 minutes just to get out of the door. Ha. Ha.

Porridge! It has just occurred to me that the strange smell wafting into the office is my porridge...burning on the stove! I wonder if chooks like burnt porridge! Ha. Ha.

Hope you have an okay kind of day without to many fluff ups. We all have them!

Cheers for now from Lauren

[Qualm]

I do often wonder if this is a condition of some sort. A form of ADD maybe? (Definitely not the hyperactive one). Maybe it has something to do with diet even?

I have also tried to explain this to others - that I'm feeling particularly dumb and foggy today - and they don't know what I'm on about.

It would be worth bringing this to the attention of a doctor, but I also seem to keep forgetting!

Also, I noticed I mucked up my last post. I meant it is supposed to be helpful to repeat someone's name when you first meet them to help you remember it - if you can remember to do that!

[Mangof]

Hi Haggis,

totally get what you mean. Making decisions and remembering what I was about to do became overwhelming for me for normal routine things like choosing what to have for dinner chicken or beef not hard at all mmm WRONG! Asking questions over again to family who replied we just told you! Or we talked about that last week! And having no recollection of it at all. Blank spaces ...... Emotional times because you feel like a right idiot.

So your not alone on this one that's for sure. I like you look forward to getting my brain back in order however long it takes.