Friends seen to turn away..

[kerriel]

I'm in the middle of a major depression which no amount or type of medication seems to be lifting. I met with my psychiatrist today, and he suggested I need to socialise more and stop isolating myself so much. I would agree with him but it feels as though everyone has turned their backs on me. I was hospitalised last year when the episode started and it feels since this became public knowledge I have lost pretty much any social contact I had. I took myself off Facebook and it honestly feels like I no longer exist. I'm at a loss as to what I need to do. I feel as though I've been dumped in the 'too hard' basket by both family and friends. 

[JessF]

Hello Kerriel, I have been where you are and sometimes it can be that friends or family think that you don't want to be contacted (especially if you have taken yourself off Facebook) or they don't know what to say, or are terrified of saying the wrong thing.  I know it can feel a bit unjust, but sometimes you need to make the first move and reach out yourself.  Message a friend, make a phone call, make a coffee date.  You don't have to go out and paint the town red, but just one step at a time to rebuild those connections.

[kerriel]

Thankyou JessF,

I've just rejoined Facebook, as much as I didn't want to.  I suppose just being 'visible' again to friends might help a little.  Now just to avoid reading or getting involved in other people's dramas....

I believe you're right, perhaps people are too 'scared' to approach me, or don't really know what stage I'm in... whether I will welcome them back into my life or push them away.

I will take your advice with regards to baby steps.  I'll try to get back in contact with a couple of friends and see where it leads me.

[White_Rose]

Dear Kerriel

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks for your post. I agree with Jess about reaching out. Depression tells our brains to hide from everyone and this is not a good thing. Explore this web site and read up about depression and its effects. The blue tabs at the top of the page have drop down lists of topics. You can download this information or ask BB to send printed copies. Some of this is specifically for family and friends so you can offer it to those people you feel will be the most receptive.  Not everyone will be interested so choose carefully.

Eating properly and exercise are important. Try to do these as they have a big impact on your mental health. Read some of the other threads on this forum and join in the conversations if you have the energy. It can be very reassuring to know that others feel the same as you.

Mary

[PatT]

Hi Kerriel,

We tend to feel the most exposed and distant from our friends in the biggest times of need. Our issues seem like a burden and it's incredibly difficult for our friends to have to take on those responsibilities. But personally, I always find my friends are more than willing to lend a hand. They are your friends for a reason and if you can explain your situation to them appropriately then they can almost always prove their worth.

For me, I often experience most of this in my head. The whole "I feel like my friends can't deal with my shit" thought is very rarely actually true. We fortunately live in an era where so many people are sensitive to the woes of mental illness and the majority of people in our lives can both empathise and sympathise with our issues. Don't be afraid to lean on people in times of need. If they're your friends, they'll understand.

I was in a psych hospital last year and I really didn't try to hide it. I explained to people what had happened and they understood. Fortunately the stigma around mental illness is dissipating much to our benefit. Stay strong, explain yourself, take care of your worries and don't try to hide it. Both you and your friends deserve to be aware of whatever troubles you're handling.

All the best,

Pat. 

[JessF]

I know what you mean about getting sucked into dramas online. I have gone on and off Facebook many times because I found the stress was too much for me, now I am much more stringent with what I will read and what I won't. Being able to unfollow rather than unfriend people is a great feature, it just allows you to dial down the noise of certain people who trigger you, and if you want to catch up on what they're doing you can go and read theirpage without having their updates shoved down your throat all the time.

[LP222]

I think facebook is stressful too and I am deactivated also. I agree about the friends stuff they can definitely be disapointing. I think its good to try and make new friends too in activities/classes etc they might prove to be more caring and supportive... also pets are good