*Trigger Warning - Body Image Issues* I see beautiful women or couples and want to die

[Joel]

I’ll try keep it short. I suffer from depression and anxiety, but this happens to me all the time. The fact I want to die never leaves me, it just gets stronger sometimes. I am not good enough to be on earth, that much is clear. In ten years I have not attracted a single woman, whether that be for a relationship or meaningless sex etc. This just reaffirms that extreme self hate I have for myself is justified. It’s not like I haven’t tried, I’m just human scum so it has never happened and I know it never will. But the fact that all it takes is seeing someone in public or online is something I can’t escape. How should I deal with this? I decided to post this now because I was on Instagram and seen a fitness model and now I feel like trash. It sounds dumb when I type it out, but it’s the way my screwed up mind works.
I have totally given up on life, there is no hope for me, but while I’m still here I thought it would be interesting to get a different perspective.

Just for the record, I have nothing against anyone, women, couples etc, I know I’m the problem, I know I’m not good enough.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense

[Sophie_M]

Hey Joel,

Thanks for stopping by. We sympathise with your situation and acknowledge the distress and pain that can arise when seeing others have what you so desperately want. Please know that you are valuable and that you've come to a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings. Our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

Can we ask if you are receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

 If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

 

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome.

in addition with what sophie_M said, which I agree with I just want to ask you a couple of questions.

first, I want you to know that your post does/did make sense - your post tells me you dislike yourself, and have not attracted a single woman as you said. I also notice you said you have body image issues but did not appear to elaborate on this in your post.

for my 2c worth and you can tell me if I am wrong but it sounds like you are struggling to find/make a connection with women and see this as being your fault. Whether it is me with my work, or you with relationships, when things repeatedly do not work out the way we would like, we question and blame ourselves. And then think why would I do that again ...?!?

the only thing(s) I wanted to ask you was to tell me a little more about yourself - what sort of things you like? hobbies? do you work? what things do you like doing?

lastly, you said that it sounds dumb when you typed out what you said. Believe me when I tell that when I speak to some people in my support network, I have say "I know this sounds irrational/dumb/stupid but...". Logically it might not make senses, and yet somehow emotionally it get a hold on you. Besides, if you knew what brought me the forums the same statement would apply to me. And yet here I am.

I hope you come back to share more of your story and perhaps....

Listening to you, Tim.

[NDR]

Hey Joel,

I'm not sure if your personal situation has changed since posting above, or if still on here but I just saw your post on here & wanted to reply.

Firstly, sorry to hear about what you've been through but it all makes so much sense, boy do I understand everything you said.

I've had a very similar story to you. I've lost my adolescence & youth to mental health & some heavy circumstances & have never really dated either.

Due to the above, it's made socialising hard & what i've been through destroyed my confidence, as well ability to form relationships with women, especially the ones i've liked & vice versa.

Without sounding arrogant, i'm actually not a bad looking guy with a good personality & the fact that i've been unable to attract anyone or stuffed up opportunities, it's just soul destroying to be honest.

I'm in my 40's now & I'm still dealing with it some days it's just plain awful. I've often thought about what it would've looked like had I had more luck. Like you, I have nothing but respect for women / others & feel similar when I see anyone I find attractive.

I know it's life, yes I should focus on the positives but having to take a back seat to your mental health can leave you pretty sad some days.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know I have some understanding of your situation.

Hope you're good mate. 

N.