TOO much to deal with. I NEED Advice. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS Girl, & Everything else!!!

[Ry_Wilson23992]

I've got so many problems, & concerns. I don't know how to tackle everything, and I'm wanting to have, a mediocre life, & secure my relationship, with this other Girl, but I just, logically, have too issues, & no one suitable in my life, that's the right personalities, who understand, & can provide me, with valuable feedback.

1) To go through all the conventional, ordinary problems first. 
 
- It's not just how. I'm 31, and I don't have, Payed Work History. I don't want, Entry Job's, like Sales, Factory, Hospitality, or Retail.
- I would never want. TAFE, Construction, Manual Labour, Apprenticeships, or even any, Diplomas, or Certificates.
- I also never wanted to do University. I don't have a Year 12 VCE, or a needed ATAR. I'm not a Study Personality, also.
 
2) When it comes to my Driving. I don't have standard, regular ability. I had too many, unprofessional, inconveniences, that didn't allow me. To normally develop. There was many reasons, why I wasn't in a ideal smooth circumstance, for me to easily become optimal. But I at least have, a Licence, a Vehicle, & I've had driving lessons, despite how I'm not driving, for a few years. It's also my parents, their not suitable for me.
 
3) I'm Misdiagnosed, with Schizophrenia. I've been, mistakenly, wrongly understood. I have been, under involuntary treatment. Since 2012. I have became, a Malpractice-Injustice. When it comes to, how I'm now. Pre Diabetic. I've had a Cholecystectomy, and had my Gallbladder Removed. I had other side effects, but besides that. I now have, Belly Stretch Marks, that I have to live with.
 
This means. I have to comply to. They make me need.
 
- Medical Certificates, to Drive. Every Second Year.
- If I need, Occupational Therapist, Off Road, & On Road Assessments, potentially, whenever they ask me.
- I have to visit a Psychiatrist. Every 3 Month's, not just every 6 Month's, or Once a Year. It's every 3 month's, which is absurd, especially when I know. I'm wrongly diagnosed, with Schizophrenia. 
- I have to buy the detrimental drugs, from the Chemist, every Month. When I don't want to be taking any.
 

[Earth Girl]

I definitely don't have as much payed work history as most people my age or even as much as people in their 20's, but I have a small amount. I was working as a cleaner (light cleaning)/replenishing (things like coffee and milk) at an office for 3 years and I stopped working there about in February. It wasn't a government job though, so I wasn't making a lot of money. I also worked for 2 or 3 months, 3 days a week at another office as a paper shredder/copier), at a candle store for a Christmas job and for a week at a salvos store, but I couldn't keep up. I also have done a lot of work experiences with the help of my job recruiter. Even then, I know that's not a lot in comparison to what most people do. I would be happy to work in retail or in a supermarket though. I have had more luck with retail jobs though because I've gotten to the interview stage with a lot of them, but I've never gotten to the interview stage with supermarket jobs, and I applied for many of both of them. 

I can't drive because I have an eye condition where sometimes, when a lot of sun light gets into my eyes, I "blank out"/go into a trance and see "pictures", usually of trees for about 5-10 seconds so it would be dangerous for me to drive. This condition is common in people with red hair and blue eyes for some reason. 

The stretch marks on my belly don't actually bother me at all, but I am a bit embarrassed about being out of shape. 

My teen years were extremely stressful because a lot was going on, especially in 2012 and I just couldn't handle the stress at all anymore and was also having trouble sleeping so I wasn't getting much sleep at all and eventually I had my first psychotic episode. Before my first episode, I would sometimes hear quiet voices while I was watching T.V, but I didn't really think anything of it, and I couldn't talk to my parents about it anyway because our relationship was very detached (more so than it is now) so I just kept it to myself. Not all people with schizophrenia hear voices, I only heard voices a bit before my first episode and I heard voices arguing in my head for a few seconds each time during my first episode or they would even say nice things which is really lucky.

I don't talk about my schizophrenia/psychotic episodes much, but I have paranoid schizophrenia so when I have episodes, I because extremely scared (though most of the time while I'm having these episodes, I try to act like everything is okay because I'm worried that if people know that I know that they are "trying to unalive me", then they will get more sneaky about it). I also have to be watched while I take my medications during this time because if I'm having a really bad episode where I think almost everyone in the world is trying to kill me, I don't take them otherwise because I think they have something in them like poison so I would dig up tiny holes into the garden and put them in there instead. 

If I'm having a major episode, I think I'm the worst person in the world and everyone is trying to unalive me, but I'll also have moments of grandeur and if I'm having a minor episode, I experience a lot of grandeur, but also have moments where I feel bad about myself or who I use to be. The major episodes are a lot worse because they are terrifying and a lot of people, including some people in my family bully me during it because they find it funny and because they find me really annoying when I have these episodes. I wouldn't wish paranoid schizophrenia on anyone and if I knew someone who had it, I would be as kind to them as at I could while they were going through an episode and I also wouldn't be mean to them about it at all because I think it's horrible when people make our episode even worse for us. I stopped taking my medication in about 2017 I think it was, late in the year for either a month or 4 months because I didn't think I needed it and then, I had another major episode. When I was at therapy for it again, one of the people there was very cross with me for stopping my medication and said that if I didn't start taking it again and continue taking it again that I would have to go to hospital and have a needle which made me even more freaked out because at the time, since I was really unwell, it felt like she was saying "If you don't take your medication which is going to unalive you, we will force you to another way."

[Earth Girl]

I don't have to see a psychiatrist anymore because I haven't had another episode in a very long time and my current medication works really well. 

Thanks for caring deeply about my future. I am worried about it, but I'm going to try to get a payed job again soon so hopefully this time, it won't be as hard as last time because job search was no fun since it went on for 2 years, though some people are probably on it for even longer.