Hi everyone,
My name is Nick and I'm 27. It's the first time I use this forum.
I was a little hesitant at first until I recently found that it might be a little too much for just my partner to handle my issues all by herself.
I have had depression/anxiety since 2005 but things'd gone on and off until recently. I have seen a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist too.
At the moment, I'm struggling particularly as I really want to give up on my PhD programme in medical field. However, I do realise it could just be my avoidance trait. As I have had the exact same feeling when I was jobless or doing jobs which supposed to have lower stress level. I also found it really hard to concentrate in my reading. I choose many ways to proscastinate. I even want to take an intermission.
As an Asian, as explained by my psychiatrist, I have vulnerabilities in seeking approval from others (this has internalised in me as my father has been telling me I'm not good enough more than half of my life). My other issue is I always need a sense of success to keep me going, in order for me to feel that I'm worthwhile as a person.
However, this is my main problem as a PhD student. Sometimes, you don't necessarily see the end of the tunnel.
I am so close to giving up. Today I have had a panic attack after receiving the email from my supervisor asking if I've had returned after a whole week of "day offs" due to my viral infection. I told my gf how I felt so worthless. Then all of a sudden, it became the first time I ever cry at work (or at the sports facility) as a man (although I always feel miserable).
I feel so helpless and I really need someone to talk to. Just to see if any of you out there have had similar issue at work with depression/anxiety. How did you overcome?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Nick
