Struggling with depression and anxiety due to living arrangements

[caroline_]

I'd been doing well coping lately. Been off meds for a bit, been able to bounce back after minor episodes. But now, my anxiety has spiked and am feeling hopeless and worthless because one of my housemates doesn't like me. Maybe I wouldn't mind if I didn't overhear her whispering about me to someone else lately. Or if she didn't leave passive aggressive messages on the house whiteboard.  

I feel trapped. My partner is great, he understands my concerns and tries to help me feel better, but he's able to just laugh off her little spiteful comments and actions. I just sit here and dwell on them, and feel scared to leave our room. We are looking to move, but it just doesn't happen fast enough for me. I still have to cope with this until we find somewhere. I feel like a stupid teenager, even though I'm 35. Don't want to go running back home only after a few months of finally being away from them, even though part of me really wants to just run away from all this.

I think therapy could help me... but it's incredibly difficult for me to choose someone just from a website or a list. The last therapist I went to was ok, but I just didn't click with him and didn't feel like it was helping so I stopped going. I really wish I could still see the woman I had at uni, but I'm not a student anymore. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Caroline

It's good you have found Beyond Blue and have been able to write in here. Welcome to the forum.

First about your housemate. Is the lease of your flat in everyone's name or just one. Is it possible to ask her to leave? Can you talk to her about her actions? There are times when people really do not realise how unkind they are being. Just a thought. Otherwise I suggest finding a new home very quickly.

If you believe it would help to see a counsellor then go and have a chat with your GP. Once you have explained your current situation and also about your previous anxiety the doctor can suggest some ways to help you. One of these is to refer you to a psychologist. You can discuss the sort of person you would be comfortable with. e.g. male or female, young or more mature.

You can also discuss taking medication again. If you are like the rest of us this option will not be popular but we all need to recognise that it is necessary at times.

You say your partner understands how you feel but he is able to laugh off your flatmate's barbs. It is difficult for someone to offer support when they do not have a problem with a situation. Perhaps he could have a word with the girl.

You sound as though you have been on the receiving end of unkind comments in the past. You refer to leaving your parental home recently at age 35. That is a long time to spend at home so I am guessing you have had a problem with your confidence. I agree that returning home would generate more problems than it solves so it's better to stay and cope with this circumstance.

I know my default action is to run away and has been for many years. I am learning to cope but it's a long, slow process. But then I am rather older than you and only started to learn a few years ago.

Please write in again.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Caroline

Thank you so much for coming to Beyond Blue and for providing your post.

White Rose (Mary) has supplied you with a brilliant response and I’m really not able to provide too much more to this, but I’ll try.

The confronting process to this person could be stressful for you – but as Mary suggested, she may not even be aware she is doing it?  Are there other housemates that you could possibly ask, if they feel the same way?   If yes, then perhaps “safety in numbers” a couple of you could raise it with this person?   Failing that, perhaps raising it “with” your boyfriend could be a possibility as well?

If she really is an out and out bully, they hate to be called on it and so if you hear of them whispering about you again, hopefully that could be at a time when your boyfriend is there and you could then come around the corner and confront “her” about it.  How low is it to be talking behind my back?   If you’ve got something to say about me, please could you be courteous enough to say it directly to my face and not raise it in front of others.

I know it’s a hell of a lot easier to type, but those are good comments to make – though don’t know if I could say them either!

I would also think seriously about seeing a gp – and on here, Beyond Blue have a list of them provided;  hopefully you could do a search and maybe find one in your local area.  The thing with these gp’s are that they are all experienced in dealing with mental health issues and perhaps they would be able to supply you with some excellent professional advice on this also?

Would really like to hear back from you on this.

Neil

[caroline_]

I've had problems with my self esteem and confidence since I was a child. Anxiety developed then because of bullying, then came the depression in high school. I have a real problem with confronting people. My partner has similar issues with the housemate, but he's also not good with confrontation. He is very supportive, just not as prone to breaking down as I am. We are trying to find a new place asap.

 I'm not against taking meds, I'm just not good at taking them regularly. As soon as I miss one, the whole routine goes out the window. Even with setting an alarm to take them, it doesn't work out like it should. I just wish there was an easy option.

 Thank you both for your replies.