Just the Beginning

[Ghengis]

Hey all, I'm a 44 year old male that has just hit the wall. Nothing is good enough, tired, headaches, frustrations, wondering how people feel about me and if I'm doing the right thing, looking over my shoulder consistently to find nothing there. I had to walk out of a Meeting at work the other day to cry and then 1hour later I was good again. It feels like 10% of my brain is telling me all the good stuff and then the other 90% kicks in and takes over and feeds me with all of the confusion that I have now. I suspect I have been depressed for years but it hasn't been until the last week where everything has started to multiply that has started to scare me. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon but cant get into a psychiatrist until next week. I will continue to read these forums and the information on this web site as it has been a great help to this point in time. Why does this happen to somebody like me that has a great family, job and in general a great life and really don't have anything to be stressed about. I don't understand it but here's hoping I learn to deal with it. Until next time everybody take care.

   Ghengis

[white knight]

Hi Ghengis,

Well you have to date done everything correct and its rare to read such a post where the poster has chosen the right decisions in his/her short term future. A GP visit, psychiatrist appointment, a post here for other sufferers views and account of their own similar experiences- all good stuff. Well done.

Most of what you ask would be answered by those professionals you will visit. There could be a chemical imbalance, boredom, change of life...all sorts of reasons for your sudden change of emotions.

Self help is limited but you can review sections of your life at this time. Your direction with work/profession, the people you socialise with, if your relationships are healthy, addictions and hobbies.

The important thing at this time is to not add flame to the fire. Keep everything in perspective. Accept that these things happen to lots of people for little reason. Be prepared to consider change so your future doesn't include a worsening of your condition.

Take care and we'll be interested in your progress.

Tony WK

[Ghengis]

Thanks so much for the advice WK.

My day has gotten better with not just this post but I have seen the doctor and also been able to get my other appointment brought forward to tomorrow. Good news!!!. While I was in my doctors appointment my boss rang to check in on me. Once again I ask the question to myself why is everything so good but so bad. Frustrating but sobering at the same time knowing that the people I work with care enough to ask how I am. The doctor has prescribed me with some meds to see how I go for a time so I suppose this is the beginning of the roller coaster ride that depression is. Once again thankyou and will probably report in tomorrow afternoon after my appointment. Take care all

Ghengis

[White_Rose]

Dear Ghengis

So pleased you have started your own thread. Good to read your post.

That was good getting an appointment so with your GP. I gather you are happy with the outcome. And getting to see the psychiatrist so quickly as well. Things are going well. The medication will probably take 4-6 weeks to fully kick in, but you may well start to feel a bit better in a week or so.

It's great having a group of people who care about you and are willing to support you.

The annoying thing with depression, AKA the Black Dog, is that strikes wherever if fancies. No rhyme or reason. It may be those who are affected have a vulnerability to depression. That's one theory. And of course there is the brain chemistry theory. I'm sure there are others. The problem no on knows for certain why one person gets depressed and the next does not. One thing I am sure about is that ADs can help enormously. Unfortunately it may take several attempts to find the right one.

Well, we wouldn't want things to be too easy would we?

Seriously though, ADs can be great. I was taking an AD for a while and my doctor suggested upping the dose. Wow! I felt as though my brain had been spring cleaned. Unfortunately she upped it again and it was too much, so back to square one until I recovered and then moved up to the first increase. I now manage very well.

So yes, life can be a roller coaster and very frustrating. It seems to me that you are open to treatment and will work with your psych and GP to get well. This is a huge part of journey. Believe in your medical team, accept help and work hard. Gee that sounds very preachy. Don't mean it in that way.

Love to hear the outcome of your meeting with the psych if you are happy to share.

Mary

[Ghengis]

Afternoon team,

Today has definitely sobering for me. Felt a bit lost this morning and can only put that down to the meds prescribed and my body adjusting to them. Got a message from a mate inviting me for a cuppa, he was bored and wanted some time to fill. An ex army vet that has suffered in more ways than one. Well after two coffees and about an hour chatting I was feeling not so much alone in my short lived battle. Nice to have someone within reach to compare stories too. All be it very different stories but with the same result.

I was on my way home from this when I got news that there was an opening for an earlier appointment for the psychiatrist and promptly continued my conversation with her.  Apparently over the last 10 to 12 years  a lot has happened in my families life that has kept my depression and anxiety at bay. There has been so much going on and it hasn't reared its ugly head until now when I am at my happiest. Yeah I know. go figure. This sucks I thought to myself but there is hope and she has given me some resources and will build my confidence to hit this head on. I say confidence lightly because of the mixed feelings I have at the mo. So all in all two pretty good days in a row but no appointments tomorrow so I'm a bit scared that I will have a bad one. Cross that bridge tomorrow.

My 11year old son came up with the best idea for me and the family. It was to start using the Bear cards we have. They are basically cards with pictures of bears in different moods. In the morning we grab one and place it on the cork board under our name. We all know where we stand then. He is brilliant. Anyway here's my piece of advice that I need to start to practice "look out the windscreen people, its much bigger than the rearview mirror and we can see what's coming"

Ghengis