To be someone other than me

[Notmyself]

Every day I wish I would wake up in someone else's life, maybe someone not so screwed up as me, 

I'm tired of being me, I'm tired of fighting myself trying to prove that I didn't chose to be this way, no one in my. Life actually cares to understand what it is like to be me, I am always there for everyone else putting everyone before myself, recently tried putting myself first and to begin with it was nice, I had a back bone!! But sure a enough it's back fired and now I'm just there for everyone to call upon. 

I just want to wake up and not have to deal with everyone.... I can't express my feelings to my family I feel they judge and don't really take this seriously, it's just a phase.... They look at me like I do it for attention.... My friends don't understand, and my partner holds it against me constantly, he resents me for being me. And I hate it. I feel like a burden all the time I can't open up and be 100% honest about my own feelings because it somehow makes me a bad person, or I'm to I did it all to myself. 

Why  can't anyone just know!!! Why can't anyone close to me tell me it's ok not to be ok!!!! Why can't someone just hug me and let me be who I am!!!! I haven't always been sad! But I didn't do this  on purpose ! 

I want someone to understand and well someone to just listen and actually care.  

[Struggler]

Hi notmyself

You've come to the right place.  Most people cannot fathom how sadness or depression affect a person.  On this site, there are many good people who've been there and can empathise. 

Here you can pour your heart out anonymously and no one will judge you.  You'll get a lot of support.  I'm not good with words and not eloquent but you'll receive some very supportive and caring posts soon.  

I wait for your next post. 

Struggler

[MrsCam]

have you considered talking to a professional?? perhaps you can ask your gp for some info re psychologists in your area...

it is hard when others pass judgement on sufferers of depression but unfortunately there is a stigma attatched to this condition.

just remember you are not alone, there is always someone on line here who will support you...

goodluck

[geoff]

dear Notmyself, I see that you have made 18 posts, but maybe changed your username, doesn't matter one bit.

I can tell you ' it's ok not to be ok, all of us know exactly how you feel, and if it was possible we would just love to hug you which would show you that we care and we do love you, because on this site there is so much empathy shown by all.

By saying ' I did it all to myself' is certainly not true in any shape or form, because if anyone actually knew what this feeling of being depressed felt like they must have rocks in their head.

It's an illness that destroys absolutely everything in our life, and unfortunately it can last for years.

There are are a few issues here that I would suggest for you to do, the first is that these 'friends' need to stop coming to you and asking for advice or someone to talk to, because they won't do it for you, this is now your time.

Secondly a decision has to be made about your boyfriend, and I am not suggesting to you that you kick him out, because it's something that you have to decide on, but again if he doesn't want to help you and resents you, however this would depend on any lease agreement, but there would be ways to overcome this.

Thirdly you should go and visit your doctor so that you can discus your depression with him/her, and could set up a medicare plan where you are able to have 10 free visits to visit a psychologist, and if you are working to take some time off.

Hope to hear back from you. L Geoff. x

[Mares73]

Dear Not myself I feel for you. Geoff is like a mentor to many of us so his advice is always great. He's covered what I could possibly say. Except do you know on this site there is a list of GAS who specialize in mental health & it's worth finding one near you as they will totally understand your depression. Yes I'm sure your exhausted. Do you have any other support? Do you take medication? Just questions to help us know where your at. Plus get bk to us-we all really care. Lve Mares xxx

[Notmyself]

Hi everybody, 

I am sorry I havent been back to reply, I did read all your read all your replies and I cant thank you enough for all your help! 

I recently got a promotion at work which has kept me so busy! Sometimes I think work is the only thing that has kept me going, although in saying that, I have run  my self into the ground most definatley, but I have booked 3 days off in the next 2 weeks! 
 

I am terribly stuck within my own head at the moment. I just dont know whether im coming or going half the time. 

I feel stressed constantly! Even getting a text message stresses me! 

I have thought about visiting a dr for some chats, but I dont know how to start when I want to TALK, i can write on here but thats it for me! 

I am on an antidepressant, most of the time its ok, but I spose I still have bad days! 

Im not even sure what to say right now.... I cant quite find the words! 

Thanks again! 

xxx