My husband doesn't really like to discuss my depression

Camelia · ‎05-07-2014

Hi. I am new to this forum. I have had clinical depression for over 15 years and have had several relapses over that time, including post natal depression. I have a great psychiatrist whom I can depend on and I respond well to my medication.

Recently however, I have been feeling like I was starting to relapse again, due to stress. I was starting to think of death, reading articles relating to death on the net and basically feeling quite morbid. I was starting to feel disconnected from my family and life in general and I know that these things are my warning signs. I have begun seeing my psychiatrist on a more regular basis and life is better. When I suffer from depression, my parents were always my greatest support. My father passed away in August 2010 and my mother 9 months later. Although I suffered from grief at that time I did not relapse. My husband doesn't really like to discuss my depression he just tells me to seek the help I need. However, I have never told any of my closest friends that I suffer from a mental illness. They think that I am very quirky and different and I think that a lot of people who suffer from a mental illness do see the world differently, in a very individual way. And I am proud to be that way. Some of my friends are very negative regarding mental illness and I am starting to feel isolated. They know something isn't quite right but why can't I just come out and say that I suffer from depression. When my parents died everybody was saying that I was so strong but I think my medication made me cope a lot better and it took a year for me to really start to grieve. But the grief was different to depression. Do other people hide their illness from those closest to them? My friends are my support network for practically everything but the support I really need is when I am starting to feel like I am going to relapse. If I had a physical illness people would offer me empathy, but sometimes I just want someone to ask "how are you feeling" or "are you ok".

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Struggler · ‎05-07-2014

Hi Camellia

You were so fortunate that you had parents that supported and understood your struggle with depression. Most people can only dream of family support. Now that they've passed away and you lost that of tower of strength. You held it together until now.

Your grieving for the loss of your parents has only now sunk in. Your husband's reluctance to talk about your depression makes you feel isolated and all alone. I doubt telling your friends about your depression will help. Unfortunately, this is the reality of society we live in. I was on medication for over ten years and now off them. I never discussed my depression with anyone and suffered alone. I have now sort of recovered but sometimes dark cloud descends on me. It is usually triggered by everyday stress even though I live alone and retired from work. Then I discovered Beyond Blue. I come on here to answer posts and give encouragement.

All I can say is be kind to yourself, work your doc and post on this forum. Your psychologist cannot be with you 24/7 but you can find supportive company here anytime. There are so many of us who are here to read your concerns.

Struggler