Thoughts on Depression: don't give up hope

[Dennis38]

Hello brothers and sisters, and yes we are all brothers and sisters in this fight. First off I am not nor would I want to be any kind of professional head shrink, I am just a redneck (yabo lol) that has and still is fighting this demon we call depression. First off a lot of you and a lot of other people have asked. "Do we ever get better?" The answer is yes with help, either through medication or simply talking through it, but and as always there is a flip side to this coin, I honeslty think that once you go through a major depression and you come out on the other side we are still in danger of back sliding.

I feel that its kind of like a recovering drug/booze/gambler in that once you go through this beast we tend to start to over think things when we feel ourselves backsliding..we start to remember all the negative things that we went through and we can accidently amplify them. Depression is a true demon simply because it takes so much from us and leaves just a shell. This shell can smile and even laugh..and the outside world only sees this so called tough shell that this demon has left behind, yet this shell of a person that we use to be is brittle and one simple poke and we crumble to pieces.

This demon takes everything that we once were. Sounds kind of strange but the truth of the matter is that depression takes our logic from us first. You see my brothers and sisters depression runs on a lot of emotions, even the good ones feeling happy down to being sad and crying all the time. We stop thinking and let the emotions run our lives and its very hard to think straight when your emotions are all over the place. And yes you can be to happy or to energetic because you will crash and that crash is a hard one.

But do not give up hope, do not go looking for hope for we tend to miss a lot of things that are in front of us, but never give up on hope, let it find you. The best advice I can give to you all is simply be. Let go of the past (easer said then done I know) do not worry about the future, and live in this day, this moment. Take care of today and let the future take care of itself. Oh and let yourself be depressed, do not be shamed of it. Everyone. yes everyone gets depressed from time to time, some of us just get it a bit worse then others.

So keep your heads up, talk to your doctors and do not be ashamed of asking for help. We ALL need help from time to time and this forum is one of many places to seek help!

Be well my family!

[HA1]

Good post Dennis,

Can't disagree with anything you have said, especially the importance of being in the present (the 'now') and letting go of the past and the future.  However, I also believe it is important to chase your dream.  But in so doing, avoid any expectations - just explore every moment every day as it comes. You will know when you get the place you are looking for.

take care 

K

[geoff]

dear Dennis, always good to hear fro you.

Yes once we have had depression we are open for a relapse, because depression stays attached to us ever though we have overcome it.

It could be hidden but our emotions still carry it around, sometimes we can push it aside and ignore those nagging feelings, but then it could hit us without any warning.

If we continue to worry about the past we won't be able to move forward, however there maybe situations from the past that we can't accept or get over and these have to be sorted out so that we can let them go, no matter how hard they are, easier said than done, but with myself all of these past occasions I can not solve, let alone fix, so I have let them go. Geoff.

[Dennis38]

Hey Geoff good to see you again and hope you are feeling better after your surgery.

Yes I agree with you some things we can not accept in our past but I have come to the conclusion that some things we are not meant to accept...the only thing we are meant to do is learn from them and accept the fact that these things happened to us. doesn't mean we have to actually accept the feelings as it were if that makes sense. In these types of situation I feel its best to simply take a deep breath say ok this has happened now its time to move on and do our best to simply ignore the fact that the situation happened, simply accept that in life there are things we can not change nor should we have to accept them some times its best just to shrug, and remind ourselves not to hurt the person or thing that put us in that situation in the first place.

[Dennis38]

Hello Brothers and Sisters, its me again!

Ok while looking through some of the posts I have found something that pretty much sums up my feelings on the need for help..and as I told her I was stealing this line...read it. and keep it in the forefront of your mind as this will really help.

This comes from our very own White Rose:

It does not matter what is happening to other people. There are no brownie points for having the worst illness. Whatever is troubling you is of paramount importance to you and has nothing to do with anyone else. Yes, other people need help, but that does not mean your need is somehow less important

For some reason no matter how we are feeling you are always told "Well someone has it worse off then you." As if this is suppose to help us?! It does the total opposite it makes you feel like a heel for needing help...but as White Rose put it so clearly it doesn't matter what is happening to someone else. This battle is yours not someone else's.

Now another thought that I had, depression as I have said takes everything but the two things that it takes that are the first to go and the hardest to get back are 1: Logic and 2: Our self respect .  Our logic helps fight depression because it shows us that what we are feeling some times is not really what is true. With our self respect back we start to feel better about ourselves and not listening to the emotions that claim that we are less then what we truly are.

Remember my brothers and sisters, there is hope, live in this day, the future will take care of itself, remember that there is always help out there and that you are deserving of that help!

[Selkie]

Do we ever get better?

Or are we just masking the pain with our medications? 

[Dennis38]

Hello Selkie

First remember I am just a redneck (highly educated one at that as I have three degrees so I could add a lot of letters to my name, still just a redneck lol) so this is all just my own personal feelings.

First some people need the medication as they have a chemical imbalance in their physical brain so with out the meds they can not truly function.

Then there are those of us, myself included, that only need meds for a short while to give us a middle ground to help the logical side of us kick back in.

So first off yes we do get better, does take time though there is no magic pill that fixes this problem. But secondly we do mask the pain with our medication. I was on meds for 6 months and pulled myself off it as I honestly felt that the meds were not letting me face the problems that I had/have.

I am big on saying that we all need help some times that might be with meds BUT we still need to face our problems/fears other wise all we are doing is masking the real issues.

I have been run over by a car that was doing 65mph got hammered mentally and physically, my own mother nearly got me thrown in jail because she stole my check book, cleared my account out and I did not know when I went and wrote a very large check that bounced higher then the moon, as a kid was mentally and physically abused from a crazy family member over a very long summer, with my parents knowning full well the hell I was going through and they simply let happen, non sexual abuse mind you, and a few other brands of hell I went through that some of it I had buried in my head that the car accident brought back into the forefront of my mind.

Went on the meds after trying to off myself, and for 6 months I was good, had a solid middle ground under me but yet the meds made it so I honeslty could not face the mental problems that I had. It simply masked the pain and no matter how much I tried to look at a problem the meds just made me shrug my shoulders and say "what ever"

We do get better it just takes time, and a LOT of brutal honesty. You have to be truthful with yourself and to be honest and a LOT of people do not want to do this...myself included on more than a few times.

If you are on meds keep taking them but keep looking at the reason why you are taking the meds, work out what issues you have and you will continue to get better each and every day.

Remember there is help out there and if you need a hand..everyone on this forum is here to help

[JessF]

Hello Dennis, i have known people for whom the 'relapse' hit them harder than the original depression, because there was this mistaken belief that once you had been depressed and 'recovered' that you would never get depressed ever again.  Some of us are just more prone to emotional cyclones, and the only way forward is to just get better at building (and rebuilding) stronger houses inside so we can weather these storms.

This goes to the heart of Selkie, your question too. Do we ever get better? i think that's wrong question to ask because it can have no concrete answer. Better than what? Better than I was yesterday? Better than I was last year? Can you accurately remember how you even felt in the past? What we can do is get BETTER at coping.

[Dennis38]

Hello JessF

Yes the relapse can and often times is worse than the orginal depression. And as you said its because we mistakenly believe that once we get over the depression that we are "cured" and it can't happen again. The sad truth is that it can and often does happen. Human nature being what it is. That and honestly if we relapse and its worse than the orginal depression it really boils down to it's our fault.

I firmly believe that our own logic is a double edge sword. It honestly helps us fight the depression when it has its claws in us...but once we are better..and again we do get better...if we slip even just the tiniest bit we start to think, oh crap here we go again, and we start to imaging what we went through the first time, and it just goes down hill from there as our emotions see this crack in our logic and rip it open and run wild with it letting our fear, and anger out to play then of course once those two emotions are running rampet the rest of the emotions come out to play and then they make sure logic is ground into the dirt.

Logic is the key to not only getting through the depression but it is also the key to a happier life. I am not saying kill all emotion but with logic we can control our emotions, not the other way around where our emotions control us.

I mean I still have days where I want to suddenly burst into tears, which is not a manly think to do!, or I want to rant and rage. But once my logic kicks in I can see the emotions for what they are and say. Ok yeah crap has hit the fan but we can and will deal with this instead of throwing up our hands, sucking on our thumb and hiding from the world.

So once again my family remember, we do get better we do get control of our lives back, it just takes time, energy and help...that help includes self help...yes we all need help from time to time, BUT WE ARE THE ONES THAT MUST USE THAT HELP!!! We cant just sit on our butts and listen we have to actively put into pratice all the helpful tips and tricks that we gather. We must do the work!

[guest140]

I was just wondering if I would ever feel better again. What I mean by that is will I be able to get through a day without crying? Will I be resilient enough to be able to cope without crumbling into pieces when a small insignificant thing goes wrong? Will I stop wondering if being put in hospital with a broken leg is a better option than getting out of bed and going to work? Will I have confidence in my own abilities again? Will my mind rest and get some sleep? Will I have a calm and peaceful life again? Because last time I remember all that was over ten years ago. Is this the way of the rest of my life?