Family divided over my depression

[Toro_Rosso]

Hey, I've been hanging round the site for quite some time before I finally got the idea to join up.

So I've been dealing with depression on and off for quite some time. It's been about 11 years worth of struggling really and the cycle only just started happening again. I used to be alright in masking it but it's now starting to be a strain on myself and the family in that I never relate myself to the family and vice versa.

I do have decent friends that I've been around with. However, they have been talking about work and other things which I've been uncomfortable around so I've left them for that. The reason is that I don't have a job and I can't really relate to their complaints thus far.

I've seen different councillors on and off but I've never really conquered depression thus far. I think that's enough to start off with and I might see how this goes.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Toro Rosso,

Welcome to beyondblue. You will find many fellow sufferers of depression on here, including me.

I imagine you have been diagnosed. Are you under any treatment? Does it work alright for you. I imagine your reference to counsellors is for CBT. No?

My experience with depression is that I may never beat it, just manage it the best I can. If I beat it, that would be great, but I don't feel like I am failing by just doing my best.

Kind regards, John.

[geoff]

dear Toro Rosso, I'd like to welcome you to the site and thanks for for posting your comment.

Having depression for 11 years is a long time, and pretending to our family or friends that everything is OK, is too long, it's exhausting, tiring as well as giving them all a false appearance, so after all this time you need to tell someone or them all how you are actually feeling, you need to know who is going to support, respect and help you, and this list of people and let's say it's 20 people may suddenly change and dwindle down to 5 or 6, and please don't be upset by this, because it has happened to all of us.

Those that we thought were always supporting us, now go away, it's not your fault at all, it's a result of having depression, and now you find out who you can trust.

As you don't work then you should go and see your doctor who can then put you on a medical plan, where you are entitled to 10 free visits to see a psych, so please can you start getting the help that you need, because nobody can see a psych on an on/off basis, it has to be a concentrated effort.

We are all concerned for you, and would like to know how you are going. Geoff.

[Toro_Rosso]

Hey, thanks for the replies guys. I think I should address a few.

CrashCoyote, I've been diagnosed with mild depression at the start 11 years ago. But after a few visits, it helped but we haven't gotten to the stage where we need to start with CBT. Most of the time, it seems to be very mild but I think the negativity is starting to accumulated very quickly now. I suppose the reason is just stress of finding a job and the fact that there isn't a lot of opportunities opening now.

Geoff, thanks for that. If I recall, the psych I was with last told me that it'll start to be expensive after the 10 visits which I've utilised already quite quickly. I'm not sure where to go from here.

[geoff]

dear Toro Rosso, OK well I would try and go back to your doctor who may be able to give you a few more visits, and it's worth a try.

I have to admit that psych's believe it's all about them, in other words, if you can't pay then I will see other patients that can, so it's always money money and not about the sick people who need help.

This is where the government should step in and make it easier for people to continually see their psych, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Geoff.

[Toro_Rosso]

Hey Geoff, thanks for the kind words. I think I might visit the doctor and get some more sessions. At the moment, I've began talking with family and we're making some progress. Given the situation, I've decided to put off talking to my previous friends until we get the family side sorted before moving on. My parents are a lot more understanding given the situation so that's a plus.

[Toro_Rosso]

Hey all, just wanted to update you in regards what's been happening since. My family is a bit divided. My father is rather understanding and is happy for me to undergo additional help. However, my mother and sister isn't quite happy as they think it's not going to help. Because of that, I felt rather annoyed at their 'lack' of empathy from them. 

I've already got the approval from the GP to go for the psychatrist with the free visits and potentially more in the next year. But I feel that I haven't made any progress in the family area.

Friends have been rather understanding after I confided with one of my close friends. He's indicated that he's willing to allow me to have some space to fix myself before coming back for social time.

[JessF]

Hello Toro, it's good that you are moving forward and that at least some of your family is on your side. With your friend, I'm a little concerned when I read that he is 'willing to allow you some space to fix yourself' before you socialise again. Depression is already very isolating, and staying connected with friends is very important.

You mentioned that you like time with your friends, except for when the talk is work-related. Perhaps you could socialise with your friends in other ways that don't involve talking about work? Go to movies or sports together, go for walks or runs. But staying connected and not cutting yourself off I think is very important. Depression is an illness like any other that will resolve when it resolves, and I don't think it's fair for you to put pressure on yourself to 'fix yourself', all by yourself. We all need support to get through, from all around us.

[Toro_Rosso]

Hey Jess, thanks for the kind words you posted. I didn't think that depression means going away from everyone. 

With regards about my close friends, the first thing they talk about is their work which is why I've been feeling rather uncomfortable about this. I try to change the subject but inevitably, it comes back to work which is a shame. I do have other friends that I meet up with for board games and that's been helping a lot since there is no need to talk about work then. I'm just frustrated that the close friends doesn't seem to empathise about my situation and (unintentionally) making me depressed about it.

So far, I've managed a plan with the psychiatrist in that we keep applying jobs once a day along with other activities to feel that we've done something. The difficulty is just getting the motivation to do so. I've managed to get it done twice which is an achievement. Here's hoping I can keep it consistently. 

[JessF]

Hello Toro, it sounds to me like you're doing all the right things and the best that you can. Having the board games is fantastic, there's nothing like an absorbing pastime to get you into the 'flow' of forgetting about what's happening tomorrow or what happened yesterday and just enjoying what's happening right now.

The plan with the psychiatrist sounds good too, I find practical plans and steps work best for me too.

I imagine it must be a bit of a challenge for your friends too, work takes up such a big part of our lives that it makes sense that it would figure in conversation a lot. One thing to consider is how different would you feel about the conversations if you were working at the moment? Would you feel included in the conversation, or would you just feel bored because you're not particularly interested in their jobs?