I have spoken to my doctor and she has referred me to a psychiatrist but i'm just so scared

[Cherryb92]

I haven't actually done this before so here it goes:

I can't quite pinpoint what I feel is 'wrong' with me these days, but to sum it up, I just feel like i'm losing my mind. These passed two years I have suffered from extreme anxiety for no apparent reason, panic attacks (which thankfully seemed to have past) and what I assume to be depression - although it has never been diagnosed. The strange thing is, however, that some days will be fantastic, I will feel on top of the world. It is often on those days I make silly comments/ decisions such as when I told everyone I was moving away to some exotic destination, or I was going to change my career or, I told my partner we HAD to buy a house that year or rent a new place (that week!!) - which just put un needed stress on him. 

I suffer from incredible mood swings (I always have but they have gotten worse) where I will be happy one minute, absolute down in the dumps next and finally; extremely irritable and generally frustrated. I often verbally take it out on my partner and family and whilst I know it's wrong, it's like i'm watching myself getting irritated and saying mean things but I can't stop it. I'm at the point where I wonder why they even bother with me anymore.

I think the thing that really scared me about all of this though is today, I was driving and missed the road I was meant to turn down. Without even thinking I just put the car into reverse and off I went (there was no one behind me but still...). It wasn't until I saw a car coming that my brain sort of 'snapped back' and I realised what I was doing and how stupid my actions were. I panicked and nearly hit the side rail because of it. I can recall myself doing it but I have no idea why I did..it was almost like I just became someone else for a second.

I'm just sort of at a point now where I can't keep going on like this, and putting not only my family and friends through this but myself as well. I have spoken to my doctor and she has referred me to a psychiatrist but i'm just so scared. I just want to be normal, to wake up and be happy and not dreading everyday at work or being scared that i'm going to become irritable and angry and struggle to stop myself saying things that I always regret and am remorseful for later. I'm also scared of admitting there could be a problem because I know there's probably a long road ahead if that's the case.

I guess I just needed to get all of that out.

[HA1]

Hi Cherryb92!

Thank you for your post, and for sharing with us how you have been feeling.  It does feel good to get these things off your chest!  Apologies that you had to wait a while for a reply.  

All the feelings you have described are all too familiar with me, and I am sure many others on this forum.  While it is for the GP and psychiatrist to formally diagnose, they certainly are the signs that it is time to have a chat with a professional.  All the feelings, emotions, mood swings that you describe, I also experienced over a long period of time.

It has been courageous of you to speak to your GP about this - always a hard first step.  Now that you have done that, talking to a psychiatrist is the easier part. Don't believe that just because you have been referred to a psychiatrist you are not 'normal'.  You are.  Recognising that you may have a medical condition that needs to be treated is nothing to be ashamed about.   With treatment, you will get better.  

Contrary to what you have done, I was not so courageous.  I failed to seek help over many years, and progressively became worse.  Then one day I came crashing down in a not so spectacular way. Although I am now recovering, I regret not taking that step to seek help early.

Also remember that everyone is different.  The road to recovery is very different for everyone.  The only thing in common is treatment and medication.  It may not be that long and hard a road to recovery for you.  

Been rambling a bit, and not sure if anything I have said has been useful.  But just letting you know that you are not alone, and that we will be thinking of you.  

Please feel free to continue to post to let us know how you are going.

All the best

K