Hey there,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, that takes strength to do. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with these experiences throughout your life, it sounds like there's a culmination of factors that have led to how you're feeling now.
Firstly, you're never talking too much or writing too much on here. Write as much as you want, take up multiple posts' worth on this thread. This is your space to share your story, and you can say whatever you feel comfortable sharing.
Have you ever reached out to somewhere like Lifeline at all? You can reach them on 13 11 14 if you'd like. Chatting with someone when you're feeling really down can help redirect your focus and make you feel more heard and respected. You can also visit the homepage of our Beyond Blue site to call a counsellor (1300 22 4636) or chat with them online.
On that subject, have you been to a GP, therapist, or psychologist recently? Would you be open to it? It sounds like you may benefit from trauma-focused therapy, something like EMDR could be useful to look into if this is feasible for you. It can also just help to have someone with professional insight to talk to.
Regardless of your appearance, friends should not be making jokes like that. I can't imagine how damaging that must be to your self-esteem to hear that constantly. And to make jokes about something traumatic that has happened to you, that must feel absolutely awful. If they're online friends, my question is whether or not you still need to keep in contact with these people - otherwise, you may find it healing to stay away from that cyberbullying.
Bed-rotting is fairly normal when you're not feeling great. Of course, your body is exhausted from the stress - it doesn't feel right to be active.
If you want to try and break this habit, you can do several things. Firstly, making a to-do list of things you want to get done in a certain day, or in a week. It doesn't have to be many things or particularly challenging things. It could be something like making your bed, brushing your teeth, getting yourself to the shops. Alternatively, you could start a list of things you achieve on a specific day - it's the opposite to a to-do list where you don't have a set list of things to do, you write them in as you do them. It can be really motivating to see that list grow. You can also add things that are as small or major as you want, similar to the activities I've listed above.
I hope this helps. Please feel free to keep chatting with us if you'd like, it sounds like you may have more to share and we're always open to hearing it.
Take care, SB
