Stuck in a work rut

[Guest_43072508]

My whole life through school I was the overachiever. I pushed myself hard to get good grades and treated myself awfully to get there. I was a high achiever and in my mind pushing myself was a good thing. I went through uni studying a design course and pushed myself hard again for three years. I completely locked myself away from friends and family and worked. Hard. And as a result I was a dux. For me, no matter how hard I pushed myself to the point of serious harm doing work and perfecting everything, I got a reward. I had some measurable form of successes. Now, I’ve been stuck in retail for 2 years since graduating. I understand my career is a hard one to get into but boy this has really diminished my self esteem. More than the low self esteem I already had. In my mind through schooling my self worth was connected with physical results. And still is today. I’m seeing someone to work through this. But I guess now that I’m not in my career choice I’m attacking myself because I feel like I’m obviously not good enough to be in an illustrative career. I feel like all this pushing and hard work has been for nothing now. I’m a failure and have wasted so much time moping around and yet I also cannot find the strength anymore to change anything. I feel stuck in retail, it’s the only thing I’m apparently good at and there is just a part of me who feels like I just have so much more to give in life. I can’t get a job because I don’t have experience but no one wants to give me experience so I’m stuck in this loop of never being good enough. And this has just gotten to me so much that I feel like a waste of space. 

it doesn’t help that at work my manager proof reads documents that she has asked me to write and then changes things to make it sound better. I get that she is allowed to proofread but she’s never told me that she will and it just makes me feel dumb and stupid. Like I’m obviously illiterate and dumb and that’s why she has to fix it. Customers tell her all the time how beautiful she is only for me to stand right next to her like cool thanks I guess I’m ugly too now. I feel so inferior to her. I feel like I’m wasting the talent that I know I don’t have and feel I am stuck in this job that is slowly sucking the life out of me but where will I go because I’m not talented enough to get a job in the career I actually studied for. 

[Lostinthewild]

It is a great thing to have discipline with school work. I find having goals and tangible results like marks and grades give me a sense of achievement and validation. Work ruts are so common for so many folks so you are definitley not alone in that suffering. One thing I always felt to be true in my 20+ years of various work was to always try to work with good people. Good energy and influence. Most of my choices in jobs were governed by fear. I never finished school so I limited my potential options in life. You have smashed school and higher education so that is awesome and the gift of that achievement will always benefit you moving on. Don't be afraid to try different lines of work and keep your career dreams with you. If people are toxic or you feel unappreciated, move on and you will always gain experience, friendships and new skills no matter how mundane the jobs may be. Life is so hard but little moments of joy and laughter will find you if you can keep your chin up and enjoy the little things. Best of luck. Never give up ✊️

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that sounds incredibly challenging in so many ways. My heart goes out to you.

I think one of the toughest places to find ourself in is 'the in-between'. Being in between who we were and who we're going to be, in between what we loved or thrived on and what we're going to love and thrive on in the future, in between one form of structured life and the next form etc etc, can leave us feeling like we're no one, numb and we're stuck or drowning in quicksand without a solid foundation to support us or build upon. As I say, it's a tough place to be and it can become depressing the longer we're there. Myself, I'm not a fan of that place at all.

I found a good question to be 'What can I do while I'm here (in the in-between)?'. 

• While I like the job I'm in, as I work with a lot of people who make me laugh while I'm earning money to support my sense of wonder (my next point), it's definitely not the job I want to keep doing for the rest of my working life. While I also love developing friendships with residents in the aged care facility I work in, my 'in-between' is about laughs, financial opportunities and bringing joy and a sense of friendship to others
• While there may not be a lot to wonder about regarding the job we're in, developing a sense of wonder outside of that job can be key to self development. For example, 'I wonder whether I could write and illustrate a children's book', 'I wonder whether I could bring the risk taker in me to life through bungee jumping or hang gliding', 'I wonder if I could mange to run a marathon if I put my mind to it and trained for it', 'I wonder whether I'd get a laugh and increase my fitness through pole dancing lessons' and the list goes on. That last one's a bit out there but, hey, each to their own. If we need to finance our sense of wonder, it doesn't really matter what job we're doing. And in regard to the things we wonder about, can one of them eventually lead to our dream job? Can it act as the first step, maybe without us even realising? It pays to have a 'wonder budget' so our sense of wonder and spending don't get completely out of control. Been there, done that
• Dealing with a sense of identity that's largely about how we measure up can be a hard habit to break, largely because society is somewhat based on how we're measured. Do we have an acceptable name, compared with that person? Are we slimmer than them or somewhat bigger, taller or shorter, older or younger? Are we considered 'weird' or 'normal' in comparison, richer or poorer, in a job that's highly valued by society or one that's not? My gosh, the list is never ending. At the end of the day, beyond all the measuring on social scales, you're simply you. That's who you are, you're you. You're you, with so many facets (some facets yet to be discovered), you're you with your sense of emotion and intuition, you with certain longings and achievements and you're you who is constantly evolving while never staying entirely the same form one day to the next (even though you may feel the same at times). If there's one thing I've learned in life, regarding a sense of identity, it's this...I have absolutely no idea who I'm going to be in 5 years time. Anything could happen to change my course

What do you want to do with 'the in-between'? What are you going to fill that place with? What part or parts of yourself do you want to bring to life while you're there?