How to stop being a walking embarrassment to myself

EmiJ

I am a 33 year-old female who has rarely ever managed to hold down a job since I was 25. I even went back to study and did really well at my studies but when it came to putting it into practice in a position I have never managed to be the same as I was as a student.
yes I had a less desirable childhood to the point where sometimes I wasn’t even bathed properly and it was obvious in school etc. I could go on but it would take too long just one minor example however both of my siblings have turned out quite well and hold down full-time position.

it’s always either my health my anxiety or sometimes I just can’t even be bothered putting in the effort any more. That’s how many positions I have gone through in the last eight years.

when I do try, I can never keep up or be the personality they need etc.

I live in share accommodation that causes my OCD great stress there is nothing I can do about this.

I have achieved nothing in the last eight years except gain weight

white knight

Hi, welcome

I hope I can shed some light on your challenges from my own lived experiences.

Try not to compare your siblings to yourself. I found my young behaviour very different to my sister and brother. Both stayed in one job for many years. I couldnt stay longer than 3 years and, in the AirForce I had to stay anyway but from then on I roamed job to job ending up to having around 90 jobs before retirement- why? Well turned out I had bipolar and under the autism spectrum high functioning and likely ADHD mildly too. It's most rare to have more than one sibling with those issues so that will tell you that you are an individual with some trait of your siblings but not ideal to see you as a failure when comparing.

Same with education, just because you succeed in classes is totally different to the real working world. Depression can inch its way into your health issues and build up without you knowing. Once you have anxiety - depression often follows and its important to stop the roll on effect, prevention is better than cure so by visiting your GP to highlight to them of your lack of motivation is so vital.

I also owned 85+ cars and bought and sold them within days or weeks of each other. This was the mania speaking so if you have a buy/sell mentality and never have any money that can be a symptom of an illness.

You do acknowledge your childhood deficiencies and that is a very good thing as many dont, this has led you to realise that you dont want to continue that side of your life, to better yourself from that poor hygiene and other things. Well done there. Yes it could have resulted in some lack of motivation perhaps what your parents had as well so to break the cycle that needs some real focus. Attending motivation lectures is a great way to change mindsets.

I have no answer to your weight gain as I've struggled with that all my life. However, not gaining any further weight can be your new goal and your GP could help you with that a lot nowadays.

I have a few threads below to read. You only need to read the first page of each to benefit you.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/switching-mindsets/td-p/274532/page/4

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

I hope that helps. Reply anytime if you desire. I'm here daily

TonyWK