Stuck again

[Amber1991]

Hi Everyone,

just needing a place to vent. I’m 27 female from Australia. I work as a senior support worker and my work is always busy but I love it. I’m scared that I’m not going to get the promotion I have been working towards because I’ve been having too many days off work. My boss hasn’t said anything to me about it yet but I know he will soon. Sometimes after the weekend I get in that much of a rut that I can’t muster up the motivation to go to work on Monday, and then that turns in to Tuesday, and then sometimes even Wednesday. I use health reasons as my excuse but it’s really because I can’t even imagine going to work when I feel like this. I get so nervous about what my boss will say when I text in sick that I turn my phone off all day. When I’m at work I’m an excellent employee and am well liked, no one would guess that I get so low outside of work. I’ve been self sabotaging by eating junk food, smoking too much weed and not exercising. I feel guilty because I haven’t been taking my dog for walks and she is putting on weight. I lost 20 kilos and was feeling great, now I’ve thrown all that down the drain and have completely turned my lifestyle around to what it used to be. I’ve recently put on 9 kilos and an feeling disgusted in myself and how I’m treating myself. I haven’t been in a relationship in over 3 years because I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone. I’m too used to my current lifestyle and don’t like being around people when I get home from work. I also feel like I’m too fat and unattractive for anyone to want me. People tell me that I look fine and I’m being hard on myself but I feel like I’m huge and ugly. Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in a prison and can’t leave the house. I stay on the lounge and don’t get up all day except for eating and going to the toilet. I’m supposed to be studying but I haven’t even started and it’s already halfway through the course. This makes it the 2nd time I will have failed the course because I’m unmotivated. It’s strange that I am such a good worker and am such a different person at work but I’m so scared of losing my job and the money I’ve gotten used to that I try my best at work but when I get in these moods my performance drops. I’ve been thinking about seeking therapy again but the thought of it is also exhausting.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Amber,

You have come to the perfect place to vent. Sometimes I feel we just need to get thoughts and feelings out of our head and into the world. It can be quite a cathartic release of emotions...

I feel you sound overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted and sometimes unmotivated. Also, I get what you’re saying about how you’re feeling down on yourself. It seems your self confidence has plummeted lately...

You sound like a capable and dedicated worker, which I commend. I think your struggle seems to be more the motivational aspect rather than the job itself....it must feel so discouraging when the motivation isn’t quite there at times.

I think you have a lot going on so I’m glad you’re considering the possibility of therapy. That said, I also understand that the thought of it can be daunting. But I feel as you have so many stressors plus your general low mood, you might find therapy helpful...

Speaking of which, as you’re studying, most educational institutions offer free counselling to their students. So if you are thinking about therapy, maybe this is one way to go about it. Just a gentle suggestion...

Anyway, feel free to keep writing and venting if you’re finding it helpful to share some of your worries and stresses here. I know many people find it cathartic to write here...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Doolhof]

Hi Amber,

Welcome to the community here. I certainly understand what you have expressed. I have found myself to be in a position very similar to you in respect to not being able to find the motivation, determination or ther will power to do the things that you know will help[ you and be beneficial to you.

Pepper has reflected what you have written so very well, thanks Pepper for the wonderful advice and suggestions that I too will take in. It is difficult when we get ourselves in that rut and don't know how to move on.

Therapy may well help. I have also realised that I need to find a way to help myself no matter how difficult it is some days.

Could you make yourself a list of things you would like to change, then write down how those things might be achievable and the benefits.

It might go something like :

-Put my work clothes out Sunday night, tell myself it will be beneficial to go to work Monday and list all the reasons why it will be beneficial.

-Take the dog for a walk, it will be good for both of you, help with the extra weight, get you out of your home, fresh air, motivational, think of something different while you are out walking

-Seek therapy, have someone to discuss issues with, find a person who can help with motivation and tools to enable you to help yourself more.

Now, if I can just put this into practise myself...Ha. Ha. I'm going to work at it today!

Cheers from Dools