Depressed feeling tired lonely scared and grieving at the same time feel free to reply my need a little bit of help I think

[Frogman78]

Hi home well just like to say that my lost my mum just over 2 weeks ago to bowel cancer and grieving in the bed depression has seen again as 6 months ago today I lost my partner which she was 32 and we have a little 4 year old together which my mother-in-law and father in law look after as I'm a quadriplegic to top things off I don't know which way to turn like I said I'm tired and scared I'm lonely feeling worthless I don't know what to do don't know who to talk to my doctor says no I have to talk to someone maybe this is a first step of talking to someone I don't know but I just want things to be easier things are so hard at the moment really hard I just don't want to get out of bed I just don't want to do anything I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to talk to no one I don't want to see no one how do I fix this problem I will be sitting there and all the sudden just burst into tears for no reason and cry and cry and cry sometimes for an hour or two I don't think I can cry anymore I done up crying in the last few weeks to do me my lifetime am I doing the right thing I starting here that's what I don't know maybe you might have a response and an answer for me or even guidance that would be lovely well we'll see how things go from here talk to you soon guys please feel free to reply

[Quercus]

Hi Frogman and welcome to the forums.

Reading your post I wanted to reply just to reassure you that you're not alone and these forums are a safe place to reach out for support.

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and your partner passing away. It must also be heartbreaking to not be able to care for your little one. Do you get to see your son often?

All of these losses are so distressing and I wish I had words to help. But I have none except to say I care.

Do you have anyone in your life who you can ask for support? It helps to talk online and also on the phone as often as you need. Here is fine but also you can try Lifeline on 131114 and you can access grief counselling online at https://griefline.org.au.

But offline support is needed too. You mentioned feeling lonely and crying often and sometimes we do really need someone to sit with us in person. Is there anyone you can ask? Can your GP organise a counsellor to visit you at home?

No words I have can ease your grief but I wanted to at least let you know we are here for you reading and caring.

Please use the helplines any time ok. These forums aren't immediate so we will respond when we can but I do want you to know it does not matter how often you need to phone or write.

Grief takes as long as it takes to become manageable. Even then some days it surprises us out of the blue and that's ok. You have lost people you love. We are here for you.

Nat

[StillKicking]

Hi Frogman78,

I can only imagine your pain, and commend you for reaching out.

It may feel like everything's hopeless right now, but there's a very important person who's already lost two people at a very young age and doesn't deserve to lose her dad, even just by emotional distance. I know it can be tough being present and available for kids when you're in that really dark place, and she's probably a reminder of what you've lost, and I know myself the guilt of being the only living parent to kids who deserve to have at least one functional parent and got me instead. Thinking that way isn't helpful and leaves them without any functioning parent, so I have to focus on what i can give them rather than what I can't. I'm not going to magically get well or regain function I've lost, but I can be there when they need me, and remind them of how important they are that they're loved. After seeing how badly it hurt them to lose their dad I'd hate to be responsible for inflicting more pain onto them, and I think it would be extra hard for them to think I didn't love them enough to want to do what I could to get back to them, but it takes time.

You won't be able to fix everything in a state of extreme distress, but that doesn't mean it's out of your control. Once you're shown a few paths to get you started you'll begin to get some control back. An outside perspective can really help you find those paths out of the maze, as can people who've been there before. You're not alone.

You've lost a lot in a short time, so allow yourself to grieve, but try not to let it take over. You've made the first steps by talking to your dr, and in turn finding your way here. You're already on the path to getting better. If you're drowning in the middle of a vast ocean you can't be expected just to figure out which direction the nearest shore is and swim there on your own in a state of exhaustion when there's a coastguard ship nearby willing to help if you can just call out to it. As Quercus suggests, grief counselling is a great next step. They can help you get to the next destination you need to navigate to on your journey back to dry land, and will do so at a pace you can manage. Don't drown when help is close at hand. Don't refuse a lifejacket because it's uncomfortable. If you can't leave the house, post here or use an online or phone service until you can. Each time you do it takes you closer to your destination.

[Doolhof]

Hi Frogman,

I too welcome you to the community here. I'm sorry to read of your losses, your Mum and your partner and requiring someone else to assist with bringing up your child.

Grief has a way of accumulating I have discovered. There have been situations I have not dealt with, so when another grief comes along, wham, I am hit with every bit of grief I have not been able to work through.

I'm certainly not in your situation but I do suffer from sometimes overwhelming depression. Can you try and do one thing each day that gives you a sense of achievement or hope?

At the end of the day I try to find three things that I am thankful for. Some days that might include being thankful I have a warm bed, a house and food to eat.

Like already mentioned, you have made a start to trying to find help. I congratulate you on that and encourage you to keep trying. Make enquiries and see what help is available to you where you are as well.

Connect as often as you need to and want to here.

May you find a sense of hope in your grief and pain. Best wishes from Dools