My family makes me depressed but they are only trying to help

[blackflywonder]

I am currently suffering depression and have suffered from it multiple times in the past. I've been trying to narrow down why I am depressed as the causes are hard to pinpoint this time. After seeing my phycologist today, I was home alone and I was starting to feel a bit better. As soon as my brother came home from school, followed by my parents, my mood dropped and I felt depressed again. Looking back on the past 3 months since I've gotten depressed, when my family try to assist me, they make me feel even more depressed and I just want to get away from them.

I have such a good relationship with my family and would never want to upset them and vise versa. I am confused why my family make me feel worst when they honestly aren't doing anything wrong to upset me. I will start to feel a bit better when I am home alone but as soon as a family member comes home, I fall back down and into my shell without them even saying a word.

Has anyone else felt this? Could it have something to do with me needing some personal space to work things out?

[Croix]

Dear Blackflywonder~

Welcome. It can be very hard to work out what's best. I do know when I've been really in the grip of depression I've felt a strong urge to be alone, and without the distractions of noise or anything else. I've been quite angry and resentful if people, not matter how caring or well meaning, have intruded.

I could only deal with so much. It was not a question of working anything out. I think it was a response to pressure. As I got better I was more able to interact and show appreciation. While I'm not suggesting you are exactly like me do you think that pressure does come into it? Even being asked how one is going can be difficult to respond to at times.

Perhaps it might help to do something that allows you time-out. A habit of gong for a walk is something I've found good, or if not that then maybe reading a book. Do you think you might like to have something you can fall back on when pressed?

Croix

[blackflywonder]

Croix

I think you may be right. I have noticed when I get disturbed when I am keeping to myself, I easily snap at whoever disturbs me. I think I do put pressure on myself to get over my depression quickly which ends up making it worst. My grandma has cancer and my granddad works as a mindfulness and mental health coach so I feel like I put pressure on myself to not feel depressed because others in my family have it worst than I do. As my granddad has tried to teach my mindfulness, I think I also put pressure on myself about knowing how to deal with negative emotions.

Thanks for the help, now that I have understood the reason I should be fine at tackling it!

Cheers,

Blackflywonder

[Croix]

Dear Blackflywonder~

I'm glad it was of some help. I"m sorry about your gran.

Understanding is only part of it, but I'm sure you will get there. It's good you are seeing a psych. One thing it is imortant to realize is that it does not matter if others have it better or worse, you have an illness and are getting it treated, that's all you can do. Trying to minimize things and being impatient is simply more pressure.

I've found mindfulness difficult, and as a result use a free smartphone app caled Smiling Mind. with practice it does help. Without it I simply can't concentrate (butterfly mind I guess).

Croix

[White_Rose]

Dear Blackflywonder

Hello and welcome. Good that you found your way here.

Simply having depression which rears its ugly head from time to time has a huge impact on the way we act and react. Having found a quiet and comfortable spot it can be irritating when someone 'invades' your space. You know they are not doing this deliberately to upset you and yet it feels that way.

Have you talked about this with your psychologist? It may be helpful to do this and talk about the way you can avoid or manage the urge to snap at others. I have a question for you. Have you ever mentioned this to your family members? I wonder how useful it would be to tell them, all together or individually, how you feel and that you do not snap out of malice. Again it may be something to talk over with your psychologist.

Another way to help both you and your family is to help them understand depression. BB has information that would help you both. Top of the page under The Facts drop down list of options. You can have the booklets sent to you and/or download the fact sheets. Ask the family if they would like to know more and give them the information that best suits their needs.

Mindfulness and meditation are close cousins. I meditate though just lately I have not done so as often, and I notice the difference in how I live my life. These are private practices which means you can go to your room or another dedicated part of your home.

Mary