Struggling big time

[Doolhof]

I never did understand the "staying in bed all day, unable to do anything issue" but I do now! It seems to be all I want to do recently, that and cry, and feel really angry.

I'm starting to really hate my husband too so that isn't helping much. Now I am talking about wanting to leave him, he is telling me I have problems! I suggested that maybe if he took me away for a weekend instead of his beer drinking mates I might be a little happier with our relationship.

He hasn't worked for nearly two years, just living off his payout, sitting in front of the t.v. and the computer all day. I am out working, keeping the house clean, looking after the garden and trying to fire proof our 5 acre property. I ask for help with the house work and he tells me that vacuuming hurts his back and he doesn't know how to mop!

He told me off for buying $7.00 in postage stamps but he has just spent a week drinking and holidaying in Brisbane with some mates!

Yesterday I was yelling and screaming abuse at a lady at a service station because she was buying up her groceries in the servo instead of paying for her fuel and moving her car first. I went into the servo yelling out like a lunatic as to who owned the car. I don't know what I would have done if it had been a huge biker looking dude! I probably still would have yelled abuse at him.

This depression is a cruel and brutal illness. I've certainly had enough. Where is the OFF BUTTON, the ESCAPE ROUTE and the way out of this LIVING HELL? I don't know any more!

I'm going to see my Dr again on Tuesday and dear hubby said he will come along as well. He thinks that pills are the only answer. That a tablet will fix everything. Medication does help, but so does TLC and a little attention form your husband. Why is he so damn blind to the fact that all I need is a little bit of his time and it will make a load of difference?

Now I am hating him. I feel it is too late for our marriage. To stay or go is the next big question! I don't have the answer to anything right now. It is all too difficult.

Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Neil,

Thanks for your words as well. Our marriage could be good again, I just need to feel like I am not being taken advantage of most of the time. I'm just asking for a little respect and consideration!

I love the property we have here and our home, only thing is that most of the time the house feels so cold and lonely when my husband is home! I'm not sure if the marriage has hit the rocks or if my depression is causing me to feel this way.

Regarding our "creatures" we have a very aloof cat which is inside all of the time, four fish in a pond under the patio, a couple of canaries whom we thought were male until one started to lay eggs, we now have three canary chicks which are so cute in a grotesque looking way! We have 4 chooks, Rhode Island Reds. I enjoy being with the chooks, their antics are so funny.

As we have fox sightings here, I go into the garden with the chooks so they have some free time and we explore the garden together. Sometimes I sit on a bench and one of the chooks comes up on to my lap.

I'd love a couple of sheep and some ducks. Some miniature pigs could be cute as well. We do have 5 acres, so the possibilities are endless! Water is a bit of a problem though, would be good if the winter dam help water all year round.

Thanks for helping to cheer me up! From Mrs. Dools

[Anny]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Forgive me but your husband sits on the couch watching TV all day whilst you work on the property , work , housework , cook etc etc and he says that you're the problem and life's not fair!  That's a bit rich!

 Two people are in the marriage - you're a team. That means the good times and the bad. Neither of you have control over what is dealt to you , all you can do is support each other. 

If I remember rightly you had said he was the one who wanted to move to a large property. Now he doesn't help and he doesn't want to have anything to do with the neighbours ...... You've got to get a bit selfish like him Mrs Dooly. 

I'm a big chicken when it comes to divorce so I won't say to you to go down that path. I believe that it has to be really really terrible before you make that decision. You sound like you still care for him or you wouldn't want to try and make it work. 

I guess now you have to see how the new meds go and go from there. Rest now , let things go and give yourself a break. You're tired -you've had a very intense week by the sound. Be kind to yourself , try and not let him get to you for a bit so you can recharge. 

Roses never have a nice scent these days but you found ones that do- could be an omen there..Let me know if the book is helpful if you get a chance to read it.

 Take care, 

Anny x

[geoff]

dear Mrs. Dools, so the house is going to full of a group of intoxicated men this long week end, just what you don't want, that's consideration ha.

Your situation reminds me very much of how I was, as we had a 8 acre property, half was bush but over the time we had 5 cats, 3 dogs, ducks, chooks and even 2 pigs, but they weren't all together at the same time.

This was our dream home as it looked all over the towns below, plus the mountains, the snow on them or the bushfires, and slowly the house was gutted and rebuilt.

It was an enormous size house and we always thought that we would be there forever, not to be, it had to be sold, just saying. L Geoff. x