Still Struggling

[Sigwingal]

So I posted on here about a year ago getting some advise about telling my partner that I have depression.

I did manage to write it all down in a letter to him explaining how I feel. We briefly spoke about it after he read it and that was it. I dont think he understands but he tried to remain supportive. He has definitely help me sometimes in my angry outburst by recognising the situation and not adding it. Unfortunately this is not always the case.

So since then I saw a councillor for about 10 sessions. It was good to talk but I still could never get everything out. I still always hold back something which I guess it out of fear of being judged. I haven't seen her in a few months and know I should go back but just seems like a waste of time.

I also lost my step dad last August which has turn my life upside down. He was in my heart my true dad as he was there since I was 4yrs old. I always felt like I would be ok dealing with depression coz he was always a phone call away and I would turn to him if needed. But now he's gone and I can't cope with that reality.

I have been going from job to job trying it make something right in my life and just can't do it. I just want to run away.

The last few days have been really bad and I just can't shake off....

[geoff]

hello Sigwingal, it must be disappointing for you when you have tried your hardest to speak with a councellor, but all you have been doing is circling around the main problem, probably what is causing all your problems.
A good councellor/therapist/psychologist should talk about the issues you are afraid of talking about, and they may give you their opinion and then ask what you think of what they have said, discuss it so that it would hopefully open up other avenues for you to think about, or come to terms with and keep on discussing if it's something you aren't able to cope with.
I am very sorry for your loss of someone who you could always rely on for comfort and advice, these people can never be replaced, but hopefully a substitute wil eventually come your way.
It is difficult for a partner to be there for you everytime, because they have their own thoughts which may not agree with how you feel, and if you are suffering from any type of depression that never sits comfortably with you, because you may feel you're being rejected, and rejection is a big motivator for depression.
Ask your doctor for a few more sessions with your psychologist because this may happen under special circumstances. Geoff.