Starting on antidepressants and I feel worse than before

[TishaJade]

I started on antidepressants a week ago and I am so up and down all the time, anxious, overthinking and I just want to sleep all day. I woke up this morning completely out of sorts and got upset with my partner over nothing. I am finding it hard to cope with things this morning which three days ago I was okay about. My main problem is my partner has a child to someone else before he met me. Their relationship was bad and they agreed to have a baby to work on their relationship, eventually my partner left her and then she turned out to be pregnant. He didn’t want to keep it but she didn’t want to get an abortion so they agreed to make it work. But eventually he was unhappy and decided to leave. I love my partners son as if he were my own and he considers me his step mum, and my partner admits he never truly loved his ex or anyone before he met me. I believe him when he says he loves me and actually wants a family with me and to share a life with me and get married etc. But when I’m really down I just focus on the fact he had a baby with someone else and I feel so depressed. It ruins my day and I hate talking to my partner because he has to reassure me all over again and it’s exhausting for him.

Sometimes being around his son when I feel like this makes me worse because I see my partner in him and also another woman that’s not me. Other times I don’t think about it and I am completely fine and happy. I don’t want to end up arguing with my partner or venting because of the same things over and over again.

I’m so exhausted with myself.

[TishaJade]

Hi All,

I'm struggling again today with the same utter nonsense. I just can't seem to move past it. I am so in love with my partner that him having a child with someone else destroys me inside. It's such a big thing to have to deal with. And I know not many people could do it. I thought I was strong and I have been for the past 10 months. But I can't shake it. Everything's good, everything's perfect. We all have a good relationship, I get along well with the mother, everything's all good. SO WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF. I don't want to leave my partner, but I'm beginning to feel like there's no way out of these feelings for me. I need an escape from the constant hurt. I am afraid I will push him away and it will all be my fault because I can't control with this jealous, envious problem I have.

[iamanxiety]

Hi Tisha,

I know you must be going through hell but there are a lot of positives in your statement. " everything is good" I know it dosent feel that way but it's great that in reality things are good. unfortunately you are looking at them through the lens of depression. so even when things are going well our mind sabotages our reality.

it's a shame the remedy takes time as I know you want an instant remedy you your negative emotions.

what's in your favour is you have a strong foundation to build a better mindset. what I mean is that in reality things are not as bad as you are experiencing it.

you will have to persevere with getting on top of you thoughts . has anything helped you so far. I know you are on AD have you given these long enough time to take effect. if you have and you are not getting the relief you need you will need to see your professional to adjust these.

I know what you mean by the wait for appointments. I also need to adjust my meds and see a new pcsycoligist and the wait are ridiculous. the time of year is not helping either.

all the best with your journey

Andrew

[Gadzooks]

Hi TishaJade,

Just wanted to check in and hope the end of your year is going okay. I can empathise so much with adjusting to new medication. I know I wanted it to just work since I'd finally taken the step. It does take time, different for everyone, but when they say it gets better it does. Remember you can always check back in with your GP if you need. It sounds like there is a lot of love and positive things within your life. As cliche as it may seem we really do choose our family and who to love and DNA has little to do with it. You can be influenced by and make a wonderful influence on those around you.

I hope things improve

Hugs

G

[Just Sara]

I've been redirected to this thread. I hope you don't mind me intruding,

Re the jealousy issue - Jealousy's a hard one Tisha. You mention 'sharing' which is more of a childhood word than an adult concept. I'm not trying to put you down btw, I'm hoping you'll look inside yourself to find a sense of your inner child feeling scared of losing something you've gained in your life.

If you think about it, your bf's ex is having to share him as well; the father of their 'child' - who also has to be shared between you all.

The number one rule is, what you focus on...grows! So staying jealous will only get worse while it's prevalent within your thoughts.

Are you confident your relationship's strong enough to cope with this dynamic, because your bf's child and ex aren't going away? Acceptance of all that's present within this unavoidable triangle just might help you let go of the 'what-if's'. (IMO)

We can't predict the future, but we can prepare by being our best today, which inevitably affects tomorrow.

Wishing you well hun x

[Sophie_M]

We are letting you all know we're closing this and all TishaJade's other threads except for "Is it really as bad as I think?" in the Staying well section.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/is-it-really-as-bad-as-i-think-...

Keeping to one thread makes it easier for members to keep up with TishaJade's story, and saves them from having to repeat information.