Starting on antidepressants and I feel worse than before

[TishaJade]

I started on antidepressants a week ago and I am so up and down all the time, anxious, overthinking and I just want to sleep all day. I woke up this morning completely out of sorts and got upset with my partner over nothing. I am finding it hard to cope with things this morning which three days ago I was okay about. My main problem is my partner has a child to someone else before he met me. Their relationship was bad and they agreed to have a baby to work on their relationship, eventually my partner left her and then she turned out to be pregnant. He didn’t want to keep it but she didn’t want to get an abortion so they agreed to make it work. But eventually he was unhappy and decided to leave. I love my partners son as if he were my own and he considers me his step mum, and my partner admits he never truly loved his ex or anyone before he met me. I believe him when he says he loves me and actually wants a family with me and to share a life with me and get married etc. But when I’m really down I just focus on the fact he had a baby with someone else and I feel so depressed. It ruins my day and I hate talking to my partner because he has to reassure me all over again and it’s exhausting for him.

Sometimes being around his son when I feel like this makes me worse because I see my partner in him and also another woman that’s not me. Other times I don’t think about it and I am completely fine and happy. I don’t want to end up arguing with my partner or venting because of the same things over and over again.

I’m so exhausted with myself.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear TishaJade,

I am sorry to hear of the struggles you are having right now. It sounds like you are having some trouble adjusting to your new medications, yeah?

Antidepressants, from what I know, can take some time - maybe even a number of weeks - to really start to work, so if it's only been a few days, then perhaps your system is still adjusting.

I'm not really sure what else to say about your partner except that at least you seem to be aware of what is going on, and can communicate with him about it, and that is great. Good communication goes a long way towards helping things get sorted out.

Anyway, please remember that BB is always open and you can come here as much as you like. Take care. Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. xo

[MsRufus]

Hi TishaJade,

Hang in there! Antidepressants don't work instantly, it took me about 6 weeks to feel better! And it was tough, but one day I woke up and felt like the fog had lifted (as corny as that sounds!). I also had to alter my dose, but now I am settled I have not looked back!

It sounds like your partner really does love you and that you have nothing to worry about, I think it is just your mental health telling you those things! Keep your head up, he is with you for a reason! He is with you, not the ex!!!

Yes try not to let your inner feelings get to the partner, as he cannot change the fact that he has a child, and you don't want him to end up pushing you away!

Best of luck !

[iamanxiety]

Hi Tisha,

it sounds like your having a tough time dealing with with your current situation.

in regards to the unfortunately antideppresents they take a while to feel the therapeutic effect when you need emediate relief.

most take over a month to to fully take effect with small improvents in the mean time. you may even feel a little worse at times,either the meds or the depression.

after a certain time if you feel they are not working as many of us experience your professional may adjust dose,change the meds or add other meds. unfortunately it can get quite draining but when you do get it right the results can be life changing.

I feel once you get this part of your treatment correct you will better deal with your personal situation as you will be in a much better state of mind.

stay strong,unfortunately these things don't work overnight but they do help.

are you doing anything else to combat your deppresion?

Andrew

[TishaJade]

Hi Soberlicious96,

Thanks for your reply, I notice some changes since starting antidepressants, some good and some bad. The good thing is when I feel down and I’m depressed I can bounce back from it pretty quick than I did before, when I used to wallow in my own self pity. I guess this is about learning myself whilst starting on these meds. Bad changes are that my sex drive has plummeted. But I have hopes yet that that might come back once the medication fully works.

My partner and I communicate well so that’s always great for me. He just becomes frustrated with me because of my insecurities and his constant reassurance, which I understand but he’s more than supportive.

Thanks again x

[TishaJade]

Hi MsRufus,

I am glad to learn that I just need to give the meds more time to work properly on me.

I definitely think it’s just that depression squeezing through the gaps to get to me. I quickly overcome it and was happy for most of the day after that. Like I said, I know my partner loves me and I don’t have any worries about that, and I have a good relationship with my step son and his mother. All in all everything is good, which is why my feelings confuse me and I can’t control it, which drove me to take antidepressants.

Luckily my partner is super understanding and supportive, but I really don’t want to put all this on him because it’s not fair on him and I know that everything will be okay eventually. When I’m in that depressed moment I can’t lift it and he is the only one nearest to me to vent to, so he wears my load of insecurities and depressive thoughts. I can’t wait to finally be happy and go back to being me again and relieve my partner from all this.

[therising]

Hi TishaJade

There's no doubt about it, meds can challenge our metabolism and so much more. With so many systems in our body, it becomes a matter of 'Will all my systems adjust well to this med?' Only time will tell.

I can only imagine what it would be like regarding your partner having a child with someone else. Life would also definitely be tough with certain boundaries that come with raising someone else's child. Myself, I'm Mum to 2 amazing creatures (17yo daughter and 14yo son). They are absolute stars who have the challenging task of raising me. By the way, I also raise them.

To be honest, someone could have dropped them on the doorstep years ago and I would still see them as the amazing gifts that they are. Doesn't matter where they came from. I see them as unique individuals, not with heritage or the DNA of their father and myself. They love me for this way I see them.

Every time they raise me through a smile, that smile comes from them not their parents. Every time they raise me through the way they view the world, that viewpoint comes from them trying to work out how the world ticks. Every unique painting ever created was theirs alone. Well...the list goes on. All I have to do is raise them to be their natural self, as they help me return to my natural self. In the process we naturally have fun, navigate the challenges in life without harsh judgement of one another and we naturally and wholeheartedly love each other without conditions.

I try my best to raise everyone around me, whether they're my child or not because I see their individual potential beyond where they have been or where they have come from.

Perhaps your step son is exactly the gift you need in order to remember how truly incredible life can be with all its adventure, unconditional love and beautiful, intelligent and innocent conversation free from the influence of that which comes with age. What you share with him, in you raising each other, has the potential to far outweigh where he came from. You sound like a beautiful sensitive person, a gift to him.

🙂

[MsRufus]

Yes give them some time!

They might not be the correct fit for you first time, and they don't work for everyone but perseverance is key.

Have you considered counselling/psychology?? I see a psychologist and it is very helpful to overcome feelings when they are overwhelming !

[TishaJade]

Hi therising,

Wow that perspective blew me away. I totally can understand that view on raising a step child. I do believe we are a gift to eachother, and I love my life having a son I didn’t birth. I can’t imagine my life without him, and like you said, he raises me into parenthood and finding my natural self. I do truly believe I can get past that emotional side of things, where I wallow in self pity that my partner has a child to someone else. Only with time and experience. I am 22 years old and still so young to be challenged with such tasks, and I am proud of myself for what I have achieved so far.

Thanks again

[TishaJade]

I have tried to get counselling but always put on huge waiting lists and can’t only get In to see a psychologist next late February. So will see how things go.