Spiralling into depression

[andybee]

I’ve been developing increased symptoms of depression as the year has gone on.. parallel to increased stress: children’s ill health (carers role), financial stress, ongoing single parenting. My own depression is at a point that I’ve had to lessen work to manage, unfortunately making financial stress worse.
It feels like things are beginning to spiral.

I’ve not been in a relationship since my divorce 5 yrs ago as I’ve now got big trust issues and I’m also really protective about the home I’ve created for myself and my kids.

although at the same time, I’m so lonely.

And I’m worried we’ll have to move yet again, this time due to cost of rental. I just can’t seem to get out of this rut. Ive been trying everything I know; sticking to antidepressants, mindful apps, healthy eating.. nothing seems to help this time.

sorry for the rant, I really don’t enjoy winging, I’m just at odds to know what to do.

[geoff]

Hello Andybee, thanks for coming to the forums.

When anyone starts to spiral is 'when we can feel ourselves slipping into a lower mood and our mental health feels as though it’s declining', however, there are a few concerns, trust and the protection of your home plus the other issues attached to this.

The summary you have given us is good but can I ask you a couple of questions, and only if you want to and at your own time and hope that I don't upset you.

What is the position the person you are living with, staying with you, or on any lease as these could be triggers that have begun 'your downward spirial'.

I'm also concerned about the illness of the children.

I only ask these because there were many triggers that had begun my downfall.

I'm not a doctor, only a compassioned person like everyone else on this site who has struggled with some type of depression.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[andybee]

Hi Geoff.

thanks for your reply. I agree, spiralling probably wasn’t the best choice of words, but I just couldn’t think of anything else at the time.
In regard to your questions. there isn’t anyone else on the lease, just myself, there’s no one else living with us, I’m not in a relationship.

The safety of the home I was referring to is more about the emotional safety of having my own space as a single parent. I don’t ever want to have to share this space with another partner. It sounds a little selfish, but I enjoy many elements of living alone. Although in my endeavour to remain single, I’ve become lonely.

My child has had some mental health problems this year that has impacted myself a lot. she now has a great clinical care service and is on the mend to recovery. Although as we all know that can be a slow process. This situation has been hard, as I’ve left my job to stay home and be with her, and my own depression has flared up.

I’m just a bit concerned because when my depression has flared up in the past, it has past after a few weeks, or when circumstances change.

but this time, I’ve been really severe for a number of months with no improvements, only getting worse.

Again, feeling like this is quite a rant, so sorry. I guess I’m just feeling very alone at the moment when things are so challenging and there’s no one to share the challenge with.

[White_Rose]

Dear Andybee

Welcome to the forum. This is a good place to talk about your concerns and ask for help. As you have said, your own health is not improving as it used to. Do you think it may be a result of the stress you are experiencing by living on your own? I understand you like living alone and so do I. There are times when I get lonely or the world seems to crash in on us but there are so many good things that on balance I would not change anything.

On previous occasions have you talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist/counsellor/GP? Or anyone else for that matter. If so can you return to that person and get a hand up? It may be quite helpful.

There is never a need to apologise for what you call a rant. That's what this forum is about, a place for people to talk about what bothers them. You are now a full time carer and that brings its own challenges, one being financial. I presume you have a carers allowance. (Not being nosey, just to confirm you have an income of sorts.) Emotional support is also a need. Is there a carers support group near you. Perhaps you can find a group. This web address is for those caring for someone with a mental illness. https://www.mindaustralia.org.au/resources/carers This is the national carers organisation and from there you can click on your state. https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/about-us/contact/

Change is a challenge in itself. I am always uptight about changes in my life. I want life to stay as it is while at the same time I want some things to change. Not that I'm inconsistent (?).

May I ask, do you think you need to move home because of costs or because of some other factor? I agree that the emotional safety of both you and your daughter is paramount. How do you think this may be being compromised?

Can you apply for public housing? It would help financially I believe and may give you that feeling of safety. However you do feel protective of your current home and that may the place to stay. Trust is so hard to give anyone when you have been betrayed. I think most people have been in that situation at one time. How soon you feel you can trust anyone does depend on how deep the betrayal.

I hope this is helpful. Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi andybee,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us. I can see that Geoff has already given you a great welcome and warm support.

I'm seeing from your post how hard things are from you and also the number of things that you've tried to try and help your mood.

The one thing that really sticks with me though while reading your post is that I don't see any sort of enjoyment? I know it may sound like a silly or dismissive question, but with depression this honestly couldn't be more important. While I can imagine that being a carer does take up a lot of your time, I think finding time to do things that you enjoy has to be a priority too.

Something to think about perhaps.

RT

[Jen-]

Really sorry to hear about your situation. It’s really tough to be a single parent, especially given your situation.

From what it seems to me, moving might be a good option as at least it decreases one of the burdens you currently have which gives you stress, which is your finances.Yes, there are hassles and it is also stressful to move, but maybe you can weigh the positives and negatives in that, as well as taking into consideration how your family feels about it.

I’m quite new to this, but what does help me get through hard times before is the thought that I have to be strong for my daughter. I don’t know if that helps, but do stay strong for your family.

[geoff]

Hello Andybee, thanks for getting back to us.

When a parent has to cope with anyone of their children who unfortunately is suffering from any mental illness it may reactivate their own type of depression which has been lying dormant for awhile and when it returns could come back in force in another way, something you hadn't anticipated.

KidsHelpline 1800 55 1800 maybe able to provide some help for her, but if she is 'on the mend' then I'm not sure you want to disrupt this progress, although another view maybe helpful, as long as they don't cross eachother.

Anglicare do counselling, plus they can provide housing for a short time if you meet their requests.

Would like to keep hearing back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.