Pregnant and worried about the future

[Raine20]

Sorry if this is hard to understand...
I’m 22 weeks pregnant and recently some problems have been coming up involving my relationship, work and the future. I’ve just gone into my 20s and my partner and I have a 12 year age gap. He works 5 to 6 days a week whereas I’m only a casual and work very short shifts about 2 to 4 times a week. He is getting very stressed about being broke especially when baby comes. We have only been together just over a year and I had doubts coming into this relationship because I knew we were at very different stages in our lives. Although he was still living with his parents he had it set that he wanted to get married, have a family and buy his own house. I was 19 when we met and not doing very well in life, not having finished school and I had unaddressed issues with depression and was also developing anxiety. These were the reasons for my doubts, I worried I couldn’t pull myself out of it and build the lifestyle and career that I would need to help him get where he wanted to be in life. We’ve come along way since then and are renting our own house as well as having a baby on the way. Anyway, I’ve been going in and out of depression since being pregnant. I really want to have this baby, I had an early miscarriage a few months before becoming pregnant again, so I’m very happy about this pregnancy however I’m struggling to find motivation in all other aspects of my life. I’m finding it increasingly hard to enjoy work as I didn’t particularly like my job before. This is making me want to avoid it even more Because of the way it makes me feel. This is now causing problems in my relationship and I feel like I’m making my partner unhappy especially since he has problems with depression as well. We come from very different families and upbringings, I have a family history of alcoholics, addicts and mental health problems. I’m worried that my partner thinks I will end up the same, I don’t feel like I’m good enough to fit into his life and family. He says he loves me but I’m worried that will change if I can’t be happier and find some motivation. I’m worried that I’ll never be able to be the person he wanted. I don’t understand why is so hard for me to just get up and do the things I need to and why the more I think about it the more I just want to curl up and not talk to anyone. I want to be the kind of person who is happy and motivated to work hard. I don’t want this to ruin my relationship. I need some advice, I don’t know what to do.

[white knight]

Hi Raine, welcome

Ok, from what you've written you seem more consumed with worry than actual problems that cant be overcome.

Becoming a new mum is daunting a sit was when I first became a dad. But I can assure you things fall into place after a few weeks as bubs begins to smile then calls out dad! or mummy. You'll enjoy it and become more confident. Having a lack of motivation isnt so unusual when a woman is pregnant- yes "woman" that's right you are a woman not a girl any longer and that might not feel that way- you will bring this baby into the world and you will be partially responsible to raise him/her to be a good person. A big jump from a yar or two ago- but you'll adjust.

You and your partner can DO ANYTHING IF YOU ARE A TEAM! Simply remember that. Rely on each other, plan together short, medium and long term plans. Consider a country move to a medium size town for a good lifestyle, safer, relaxed and beneficial to both of you with depression. Cheaper rent but make sure you have a good economical car.

Your age gap is nothing to worry about. As you get older it becomes less and less an issue, if it was one at all.

I will suggest you both attend a GP and discuss your lack of motivation as it is coming between you both. Most important. Even counseling if your GP suggests it. It cant do harm.

Remember your partner met you and pursued a relationship knowing your age and lack of worldliness so it isnt wholly your problem that you feel you have to play catch up with him. Try to be supportive, have a cuppa ready for him when he walks through the door after work and chat for 30 minutes about his day, your day and always tell him you appreciate him working so hard. That is support and people think men dont need it- they do.

If there is symbols that you are doing things it is a good sign. Bake some biscuits or a cake isnt hard, google- banana cake, anzac biscuits. Even if its the only thing you do all day it is effort and you can serve them to him when he arrives home.

I hope I've helped. Your post will go to the top of the list now so someone else might reply.

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TonyWK