Sorry

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Sorry for coming here again.

I need to talk, I was going okay this morning.

I should be happy, as I got a job & getting paid, but my job, the management doesn't really do anything. We've had no good changes, just staff movements.

It's because of money, we don't have the money to do stuff. I don't know how other places do it.

Getting angry, & have admitted it, which is good. And the type of people they are, they're not proactive people, so they're never going to do it.

But my brain still doesn't get that & I get upset.

I wish I was like the other staff there & who don't give a s*** & just want to be paid.

I don't even have proof that our management is abit hopeless, just my gut feeling. It doesn't help, that they act nice, so it makes me feel worse, they're unproductive, but they're nice. 

Having a cry. Am looking for another job, hopefully somewhere where they give a s*** & actually want to work & do some progress & change & evolution 

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Back again, I thought I'll send an email to the Fair Work Commission to see if they can investigate my manager.

However, turns out they're just inept & there's nothing you can do about ineptness. It's not important enough

And it is bad calling them inept, however I've known them for ages & I'm depressed that I had hope & hope is gone, gone & gone

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMaree~

I'm sorry the Fair Work Commission was of no use, as I suspect it was the last avenue you had left to change the way your work was run.

I've noticed that over time the problems you have to do with work have occupied a lot of your posts over the years and must really occupy your mind. This is an unhappy way to live, concentrating on things that need a lot of improvment, but you can do nothing about.

It's a bit like watching the news, which is full of disasters, war and other horrible things. None of which either of us can do anything about.

If you concentrate on these things you can end up feeling powerless and spending all your time dwelling on the problems -a recipe for unhappiness.

I think Sophie_M was very wist to talk with you about the other things in your life. Your book, painting and other art. These are things over which you do have control and can be a sources of great accomplishment, they also provide opportunities for improvement, something that can give you satisfaction.

For example if a paragraph in your book does not say exactly what you want it to, then you can change it until it is exactly right. The same applies to your art.

I have found if I can draw a ling though my day, with work on one side, and other tihngs that are more pleasant on the other, then that helps me live a happier and more satisfying life.

Apart from typing up your book do you have any ideas for another? Also if you do is there anyone you can bounce those ideas off to see how effective they are?

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Thanks for that & you are right, focusing on work is useless & yeah, the Fair Work commission was last avenue. In the last week or so, am learning to stop focusing on them, as someone said, their just inept, not bad. I can't do anything to change it, & feel like dumbo for wanting to change, just want to give up on trying to change as its not gonna change. 

It's just something inside me that don't want to give up

I'm looking after my house, so cleaning & I haven't got another idea for story, but hopefully a new one will come.

Its frustrating for me, I know, caring & to tell the truth, I just feel sorry for them - no anger - oh man, they're sad & idiot for caring & focusing too much, thanks for putting up with my rants.

What a dope I was, fair work commission- you can't do anything about ineptness- well, training & support. What a fool I've been - 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

I don't think you have been a fool at all, after all you have taken a problem, work, and tried every reasonable step to make things better. Tenacity can be a virtue.

Sometime it is hard to distinguish between the bad and the simply inept.

It has not worked, so now is the time to put it to one side and think of other things.

I guess ideas for stories can come from unexpected areas, and do so in their own time. You may even have the germ of an idea floating around in your head wihtout realizing it until it becomes more fully developed.

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Sorry I've taken so long. Thanks, it is hard to distinguish from bad & inept. I know I should be more grateful for job,  as better in job than out.

And I did try, at least, & I failed - its just hard & frustrating being with people who don’t understand & I don’t know how to make them understand & I'm a level 1, so I shouldn't be coming up with ideas, like today. I had an idea, of instead of spending money on the binding, to use that money, (we spend approx 20,000 a year) for an online journal databases, but manager didn't understand & too hard trying to explain, in my darkest moments I think I'm ahead of my time, perhaps like da vinci & 500 years ahead.

Also too, worried as I'm going on holidays & we've got new people, & feel bad for going on holidays, I haven't had holiday for 18 months. The new lady made me feel bad for leaving her alone, I did tell her to ask Jane about getting help. I suppose it is my management's decision for choosing a new person in my team, that she might not be ready to be by herself, as she's said so.But I wish people wouldn't do that, you don’t want to feel guilty about going on leave. We're getting someone to cover me. My team leader is full of stress & I don't react well to her stress, I don't know how the others deal with it. Its only to do with the work, if she's chatting she's normal. 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

I'm really pleased you are getting some time off. 18 months is far too long. For one think it builds up thoughts of work and its problems without gaps for relief. So you concentrate on work problems full-time.

Yes it is unfair on the new person to expect them to simply take over. Most jobs require a fair degree of learning and practice and of course the ideal is for one peron to teach them. Unfortunatly upper management may not take this into consideration which of course creates the problem you have talked about and probably also the stress of your team leader.

While you are a kind and empathetic person that does not mean you can fix all the problems other people have. They are not of your making and I guess they will have to rely upon others for help.

I cannot say I realy understand the costs of binding, or your alternative, however it is frustrating when you know there is an opportunity that will be wasted. Again it comes down to decisions over which you have no influence. Frankly anyone who displays initiative as you have done should be encouraged, even if they say no to one project.  Outside ideas and enthusiasm are hard to find and should be valued.

Do you mind if I ask what you plan on doing in your holidays?

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Sorry I had my holidays & it was good, - had my first day back, which was okay, was nervous.

I didn't sleep last night & I yesterday afternoon I wondered why I thought my management was crap, they do everything "legal". Its just inside of me & this morning, I'm crying & wondering what's wrong with me.

On holidays I bumped my bumper, so it needs to be fixed, & at time, I felt so idiotic...I have scratched my newish car, I can't even keep it safe & even at home, I'm clumsily, I drop liquid from my cup, I've dented my wall, & that was when I was being careful. 

Feel abit better, but just don't know what's wrong with me. I think I do need to leave there, but I'm crap at applying for jobs & interviews, & at same time, have to fix myself before I move on - but I don't seem to be fixing myself, & 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

Welcome back, nice to hear your holiday was good. Please don't worry about the car, if it goes that's the main thing, if the mishaps are worth it get them fixed. My partner has a nice little car, but one day after visiting the supermaket there was a big dent where someone else had opened there door far too hard. A pity,  maybe we will get it fixed one day, it's still a nice little car.

When I"m stressed with an anxiety condition I get clumsy, slop cups, hit furniture with my leg or do other annoying (and sometimes painful) things. Have you considered going to your GP and explain these times of being clumsy? Might be something quite simple.

The same applies to being so upset, crying and wondering what is wrong with yourself. I'm not sure if you have seen a clinician as yet, if not maybe a good idea, and if you have please tell them their remedies are not working. You need and deserve a happier life.

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Thanks for that, yes when I'm being anxious I do do stupid things or when brain is funny - just annoyed at stupidly.

I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone.

I got a self help book for birthday called "The subtle way of not giving a f***" & its has helped me.

I've been caring too much about their behaviours when I can't do anything.

Don't know if my brain can move on.

But I am hoping I can move on, its a no where place. 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

At one stage I felt it was all me, and I'd take that with me wherever I went or did, a bit like a snail carries its home with it. If I'd been told at that tme that I could change I'd not have believed it, I'd just think it was some do-gooder who had no idea talking.

I was wrong of course, my brain has changed through time, therapy, medications, support and a different environment, so now I do not have anything like the hassles I had before. My brain has adapted. I'm not sure of the technical term, neuroplasticity perhaps.

So I'm sure you can change too and not be anxious all the time, and make more wise decisions as a result

I might look in my library and see if they have that book

Croix