Depressed

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Sorry, I'm back & I can't get my mind off of the thought that my management at work is not good.

They're okay. I think I need to leave, but I'm terrible at getting jobs. 

Plus too, I'm the only one who thinks our management is not doing a good job! My brain has given up & I don't want to have ideas, as no one likes them & they don't like change.

Most people there think management are the best (I don't say anything, as it wouldn't be professional) , which makes me more lonely as I'm the only one and I feel bad & guilty.

Don't get me wrong, their not bad people, just not good managers, more into the money. 

I'm so bad, that I've been wishing for directors or judges or lawyers to tell them what to do.

I can't seem to rid my brain of this thought, to just do my work.

I can't go to HR, as they can't do anything - I'm an awful awful person, for even thinking how hopeless they are - plus too, they act like their doing a wonderful job - so I'm wrong

Thanks for letting me rant - and I am trying to find another job, but it's hard & than I get more depressed, because there's probably more bad management out there & so there's no point in leaving...

I've been doing really great, & now...

On the bright side, it was a nice day today...

I understand why people get depressed at work, but also sad as management are people, but can't see the wood for the trees, that people can't talk to them, to tell the truth. I can now understand how court cases happen because of it, but that's useless as unless people want to change, they won't. 

But also too, in the world, there's no hope as bad management stays in organisations- no one cares.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Sophie

I do writing - nearly finished a story & I'm doing a jigsaw & a paint by numbers

And I catch up with people

The worst is that, I feel stupid for believing in them, that I I thought they would achieve stuff & I've called them useless & even the manager, as well, when all it is they're just not good at change

Or when their is a actual problem to fix, they just leave it

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? My hormones are abit funny at moment, so emotions are funny.

I've called my management stupid & idiots - which isn't nice to call people - even when hormones are normal.

I usually stay away from them, so I don't feel like hypocrite talking to them. I say hello etc

They're not good at communicating & it takes a long time to get them to understand. 

And, that's my sin. It's abit like talking to Donald Trump, in a way, or what I imagine talking to Donald Trump would be like - no offence to them & yeah, that's my sin

[Sophie_M]

Hello Jacinta!

So lovely to see you back here and connecting with our community. I am sorry to hear that things are still feeling hard for you... hormones and emotions can be so challenging to manage!

I know work has been feeling tough for a while now, so you must be really exhausted from such a build up of pressure and stress. 

How have your creative side-projects been coming along? I remember we discussed focusing on doing things for you, so I would love to hear what you have been up to!

Regarding hormonal support, have you been to your GP or a psychologist lately? 

Looking forward to your reply, 
Sophie M. 

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Sophie M

My creative is coming along. I finished my paint by numbers. Looks good from distance.

And I finished my story, but I just need to type it up on computer (old school I know) next story, I got a paper tablet that can convert handwriting to text. 

But feel bad for thinking some people at my work are the s word.

Today, I had a bad day - I did an initiative but knew I shouldn't have. I should have brought a book back from our offsite (which I did) but also scanned it on phone- I don't know why I did that - think it was the devil's  advocate inside me.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Back again, I thought I'll send an email to the Fair Work Commission to see if they can investigate my manager.

However, turns out they're just inept & there's nothing you can do about ineptness. It's not important enough

And it is bad calling them inept, however I've known them for ages & I'm depressed that I had hope & hope is gone, gone & gone

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMaree~

I'm sorry the Fair Work Commission was of no use, as I suspect it was the last avenue you had left to change the way your work was run.

I've noticed that over time the problems you have to do with work have occupied a lot of your posts over the years and must really occupy your mind. This is an unhappy way to live, concentrating on things that need a lot of improvment, but you can do nothing about.

It's a bit like watching the news, which is full of disasters, war and other horrible things. None of which either of us can do anything about.

If you concentrate on these things you can end up feeling powerless and spending all your time dwelling on the problems -a recipe for unhappiness.

I think Sophie_M was very wist to talk with you about the other things in your life. Your book, painting and other art. These are things over which you do have control and can be a sources of great accomplishment, they also provide opportunities for improvement, something that can give you satisfaction.

For example if a paragraph in your book does not say exactly what you want it to, then you can change it until it is exactly right. The same applies to your art.

I have found if I can draw a ling though my day, with work on one side, and other tihngs that are more pleasant on the other, then that helps me live a happier and more satisfying life.

Apart from typing up your book do you have any ideas for another? Also if you do is there anyone you can bounce those ideas off to see how effective they are?

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Thanks for that & you are right, focusing on work is useless & yeah, the Fair Work commission was last avenue. In the last week or so, am learning to stop focusing on them, as someone said, their just inept, not bad. I can't do anything to change it, & feel like dumbo for wanting to change, just want to give up on trying to change as its not gonna change. 

It's just something inside me that don't want to give up

I'm looking after my house, so cleaning & I haven't got another idea for story, but hopefully a new one will come.

Its frustrating for me, I know, caring & to tell the truth, I just feel sorry for them - no anger - oh man, they're sad & idiot for caring & focusing too much, thanks for putting up with my rants.

What a dope I was, fair work commission- you can't do anything about ineptness- well, training & support. What a fool I've been - 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

I don't think you have been a fool at all, after all you have taken a problem, work, and tried every reasonable step to make things better. Tenacity can be a virtue.

Sometime it is hard to distinguish between the bad and the simply inept.

It has not worked, so now is the time to put it to one side and think of other things.

I guess ideas for stories can come from unexpected areas, and do so in their own time. You may even have the germ of an idea floating around in your head wihtout realizing it until it becomes more fully developed.

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Sorry I've taken so long. Thanks, it is hard to distinguish from bad & inept. I know I should be more grateful for job,  as better in job than out.

And I did try, at least, & I failed - its just hard & frustrating being with people who don’t understand & I don’t know how to make them understand & I'm a level 1, so I shouldn't be coming up with ideas, like today. I had an idea, of instead of spending money on the binding, to use that money, (we spend approx 20,000 a year) for an online journal databases, but manager didn't understand & too hard trying to explain, in my darkest moments I think I'm ahead of my time, perhaps like da vinci & 500 years ahead.

Also too, worried as I'm going on holidays & we've got new people, & feel bad for going on holidays, I haven't had holiday for 18 months. The new lady made me feel bad for leaving her alone, I did tell her to ask Jane about getting help. I suppose it is my management's decision for choosing a new person in my team, that she might not be ready to be by herself, as she's said so.But I wish people wouldn't do that, you don’t want to feel guilty about going on leave. We're getting someone to cover me. My team leader is full of stress & I don't react well to her stress, I don't know how the others deal with it. Its only to do with the work, if she's chatting she's normal. 

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

I'm really pleased you are getting some time off. 18 months is far too long. For one think it builds up thoughts of work and its problems without gaps for relief. So you concentrate on work problems full-time.

Yes it is unfair on the new person to expect them to simply take over. Most jobs require a fair degree of learning and practice and of course the ideal is for one peron to teach them. Unfortunatly upper management may not take this into consideration which of course creates the problem you have talked about and probably also the stress of your team leader.

While you are a kind and empathetic person that does not mean you can fix all the problems other people have. They are not of your making and I guess they will have to rely upon others for help.

I cannot say I realy understand the costs of binding, or your alternative, however it is frustrating when you know there is an opportunity that will be wasted. Again it comes down to decisions over which you have no influence. Frankly anyone who displays initiative as you have done should be encouraged, even if they say no to one project.  Outside ideas and enthusiasm are hard to find and should be valued.

Do you mind if I ask what you plan on doing in your holidays?

Croix