So upsetting...

[Albert_247]

My life has been pretty rough, I mean I was bullied all during high school from 13 to 18, I didn't like my father's difference entirely, my diagnosis mis conception happened at 19 and I've been kept on meds for the last 9 years. I'm beneath this image of having a disability when I don't agree with my diagnosis, It's too unique and unbelievable to explain to anyone so I'm treated as indenyl or lacking insight. The health issues were 22 & 25, Then I had no driving independence till 26 because I didn't have any parents to learn with, plus hated all my driving teachers. I only could drive through having Centrelink, I never could advance my life without having any sense for which suitable jobs I would want to work, I never had vacancies with so much immigration and competition with society and with fresh high school kids wanting jobs too. I never wanted to be a apprentice or go to University, even with a interest in Nutrition I'm just not the study personality. I only had help to write the resume & cover letters after going through useless job recruiters but they are not much guarantee to get anyone payed employment. I never had a new group of mateship after leaving high school and I've had no experience with girls as friends or even socially or on a intimate level. I'm complete incel unfortunately with me, but I wouldn't feel like un able to speak to them, unless their really attractive. I had a dream to become a hobbyist musician, though I just had all that with high school, my dad and my mental health drama to deal with, while not having women, work, and a regular life it all ruined my confidence to do it since 14. Don't feel like my parents are on that journey or understanding to chase dreams, they played life more passive and safe and their a whole different personality to me. Now I feel like I'm failing at life or like a ugly man child and everything always felt out of my control, or that thing's couldn't be better given the circumstance.

[Earth Girl]

Aw, that's sad to hear. I'm glad he at least doesn't want you to be homeless. (Parents shouldn't want that for their children though of course, but still).

Getting a job can be a lot harder for some people than it is for others. I've heard that dog walking can be a good job for people with disabilities and with autism - would you like to try something like that?

I'm trying to get that kind of job, but I am with a company that helps me look for jobs and they say that they haven't heard back from these people yet and it's been a while so I'm not sure if it will end up happening. I'm actually not sure how to get a job like this exactly.

[Earth Girl]

Hi again Albert,

Yeah, I guess I can sort of see where you are coming from. I don't think everyone is like this and I don't think anybody is all bad, but I do feel like there is too much importance based on things like appearance, wealth, etc. With Ariana Grande for example, some of her music is really good, but I feel like she gives off a lot of that halo effect type of thing. Before the Sponge Bob Square Pants thing, lots of people were like "Ariana is so innocent and unproblematic. She is the kindest and best person in the world." But I bet if she was average looking, people wouldn't have praised her so much over every remotely nice thing she did. Also, there's something about her that I've always been a bit unsure about. I don't think she's a bad person, but I just don't think (even before this year) that she was AS nice as so many people would say she was. Sorry, that was kind of random, but I feel it's a good example of the halo effect and people thinking good looking people are more important or better than average looking people. It use to be scary to dislike Ariana actually because her fans would tell people who disagreed with anything she did that they were just jealous haters which isn't true.

Another thing that kind of annoys me is that people think that people who are popular are some how better than people who aren't popular. I'm not saying popular people are bad, in fact, most of the popular people in my grade at school were really nice, but it's just annoying how people say things like "So and so is better than you because they have sooooo many more friends than you because they are better." When really, if you have a lot of friends, it usually just means that you are fun to hang out with and it may also mean you're outgoing. Again, nothing wrong with most popular people that I've known, just the ones who act like they are superior to others because they've got so many friends or because they are "too cool". Having friends is great, but having lots of friends doesn't equal goodness.

I agree that it's okay to be religious and we shouldn't be mean to people for what they believe in just as long as it's not hurting anyone. I don't really agree with religions that bully people who are gay though. If you don't want to marry someone who is the same gender as you, that's fine, but there's no need to be cruel to those who do.

A lot of people often tend to be really mean to people who are less attractive. I get bullied so much for the way that I look when it shouldn't matter. I may not be the best looking, but my outwards appearance shouldn't be torn apart because it has nothing to do with who I am as a person. In fact, a lot of not so good looking people get bullied really badly where as people who are good looking seem to get treated better, even the ones who aren't that nice.

I hope this helped in some type of way. I know a lot of really nice people and I don't think most people are bad, but in some ways, yes, society can be a bit of a mess. I'm not saying I'm perfect myself, I make a lot of stupid mistakes, but I try not to bully people, especially over superficial things that shouldn't matter like looks or sexuality even to those who do it to me.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Albert_247,

Thanks so much for posting this. You've made some interesting comments here. At various times I have felt some of these things quite intensely as well. I will reply to some of your comment below. 

1) You might enjoy Adam Curtis's BBC documentary "Century of the Self" which I believe is free online. The documentary describes, among other things, how Edward Bernays (a newphew of Sigmund Freud) invented modern advertising by applying his uncle's ideas about subconcious desire to selling products. For example, Bernays helped tobacco companies market to women by running campaigns associating cigarrettes with feminism. The documentary draws some pretty long bows, but the basic history it presents is very interesting. Perhaps part of why contemporary society seems so materialistic is that marketing connects superficial things with deeper values, like connecting smoking with feminsim.

2) Unfortunately image determines a lot. For example, there are studies suggesting beautiful people get lighter criminal sentences than the non-beautiful. I think it's therefore understandable people care about appearance, and that this isn't necessarily evidence of superficiality. The main way to overcome this human bias is well designed social institutions, e.g. job interviews based primarily on objective measures. Lots of us believe in and argue for such remedies. Social media has probably been counter-productive in this regard. 

3) I think this depends on what segment of society you're interacting with. I would suggest avoiding people who are confrontational regarding religion (you're right that they do exist) and find people who are at least open minded about why religion can be so important to some of us. When this is not possible, don't disclose. I'm a scientist who also goes to church, but I don't tell my colleagues this.  

5) This is a very interesting idea. I remember all the music I listened to as a kid, Kurt Cobain etc. This is great music but it's very nihilistic. Pop culture has arguably continued in this direction in an unhealthy way (e.g. Breaking Bad, The Sopranos etc). In this sense I agree that society normalizes brokenness. Dark edgy negative content is exciting, but can be bad for the soul. For me it can also be addictive. I was once addicted to the news for this reason. These days I'm extremely careful about the content I consume. There's lots of great content out there celebrating life and health.

I'm out of characters now, but I hope my perspective on these things has been helpful in some way. Let me know if I'm wrong, or you'd like my two-cents on your other points. I hope the coming week is a little easier. Cheers,

yygdrasil

[Albert_247]

Well I don't have autism so yea, and I've also noted many times before that I disagree with my Schizophrenia diagnosis but trying to argue that with anyone they just treat me as in denial, It makes me angry that I'm not given the voluntary choice to come off medications, It's the most horrible and worse stigma diagnosis you could be given, I only received the diagnosis because I made teen destructive suicidal choices when I was heart broken then was told you have this and I've told many people many times that I don't agree with the diagnosis but they just don't seem to validate my feelings or beliefs

[Albert_247]

Thanks so much for your response again Earth Girl yet again, I definitely agree Ariana Grande seems very superficial as all celebrities do, She apparently cheated on all her boyfriends starting with the Janoskian Aussie YouTuber Jai Brooks I believe. And yes that whole undermine thing that your a hater or jealous or being as the American's say misery loving company, it just comes down to the Gen Z generation is more twerp degeneracy and narcissistic, they bully a lot. I may hold my religious beliefs but I'm not pushing that on others too that can do what they want with their own lives, I wish more people would feel religion is personal rather then controversial, but I understand how secular people see the extremes of how some abuse religion into cults and terror acts. I'm really against masculinity when it comes to women I'm strongly against the modeling industry and the norms to have frail women with un healthy diets and how women get shamed for their natural beautiful bodies, women are made to feel they have to have all this un natural procedures and rapper butts and it's absolutely un attractive to me. With the American movies most of the popular kids are the bully's and the really cool popular guy is sometimes the rarity, Thankfully once we leave high school we all get measured into the real world and it's not tolerated as much.

[Albert_247]

Hey yygdrasil thanks so much for your response also, I find that so toxic that they would try to pressure or normalize women to smoke or like that, I love Kurt Cobain his in my top favourites but I have more issue with the rapper U.S. culture it's delinquency and criminal, Also yes I heard once that Justin Bieber was telling Trump to let out one of his rapper jailed friends so it's the same concept that popularity and image, I read in my religion that sometimes lawyers are not genuine and receive bribes to make the un justice ruling, The world's not a place of true justice, And yes I wouldn't disclose my religion only to my family or if dating but not even to friends because it's more a private thing especially in Australia compared to America. Yes my first impression of existence was a nihilistic one but then when you look beneath it many are like the same thoughts and the worlds diverse, so I try to see existence as the glass half full then rather empty or that the grass isn't always greener and that makes me feel level with my own suffering, but always telling myself others have it worse then myself, Or that even rich people might pass on tomorrow so that makes me feel less defeated 

[Albert_247]

Sorry about the women rant but it was more about in response with how your bullied for the way you look        and it's more upsetting to know how women are constantly dealing with that by men and corrupt girls

[Earth Girl]

Yeah, and Ariana was so rude to those people working in that donut store when they were just trying to do their job and she's probably talked to a lot of people like that.

I completely agree with the toxic masculinity thing. I don't even just call it masculinity because to me, masculinity should mean a man who acts like a polite gentleman. Same with femininity. To me femininity means a woman who acts like a polite lady, not a woman who thinks she's prettier or better than someone else she doesn't like or going overboard with feminine stereotypes and trying to teach other women to do the same (e.g. do this because it's feminine, try not to do this because it's "masculine").

The modeling agency makes me angry too because they expect their models to be ridiculously thin (quite frankly very anorexic probably) and it actually looks a bit strange. Even though I don't agree with what they do I still kind of wished that I was almost as thin as them though. It's a complicated emotion. I also kind of want to do modeling even though I am funny-looking so it doesn't really make sense, but I wouldn't want to do if it meant that I had to be so mean to my body like a lot of models probably have to be (e.g. starving yourself, having perfect skin, etc).

Not so attractive guys probably get bullied a lot too, but they are taught that they can't really express how they feel and now some women are saying women who talk about their insecurities is unfeminine so this problem is because of toxic masculinity and toxic femininity. Those masculinity and femininity channels are a big problem in my opinion.  

[Albert_247]

I started high school in 2008, I was just about to turn 13 and I graduated in 2013, During all that time I was mostly suffering, I didn't have the interest to study because I was more the type to enjoy video games. I also was bullied so much by numerous adolescents. I can count at least 8 or more over those six years. I was bullied physically, socially and mentally. I kept be friending two of those toxic friends since I was 18 - 24 I kept suffering for five to six more years trying to make it work. I was always dis respected and made to feel rock bottom because I wasn't with direction or payed work. I was told many labels and opinions and I was undermined for anything I believed on my end. To make it worse one of their mothers was calling me a loser since my early twenties. During high school my father was very financially stressed with affording the school fees and he was just a moody grump and lecturing us at the dinner table. In my late teenagers years I got diagnosed with mental health that I still don't agree with, because I made personal mistakes and know I wasn't able to logically explain my mistakes to a doctor without seeming in their favour. As a side effect I contracted pre diabetes and had to have a cholecystectomy, while at that time still with those friends were blaming me and my apparent eating for the diabetes, when I only got it as a pharmaceutical side effect. I always wanted to be musical since I was 14 and I kept oppressing myself because digesting my health issues and remembering my past friendship's I just couldn't have esteem. It always felt like a small world where their around the corner, even if I've spoke to nicer people since my schooling days. So I blame them for ruining my esteem partially with creativity. If I wanted to study I blame myself for not taking high school with enough consideration, But I didn't decide on my academic interest till I was in my late twenties. I also tragically could only afford a licence, vehicle, and my driving lessons only because of the Centrelink. I truly believe if your first 20 years in anyway affects your confidence, then your less likely to ever believe in yourself and succeed. I always thought the world was like my toxic friends.

[white knight]

Hi Albert

I'm beginning to get a bigger picture of your problems over your lifetime. Thanks for posting.

If we constantly beat ourselves up on what we did in our past it is more damaging than what bullies did 15 years earlier, we are in fact bullying ourselves now. Bullying sadly, like manipulation, abuse of other types like verbal, is a part of life. Dwelling is not recommended..

Raising your self esteem is a good possibility at your age, it takes a number of things to come together like-

• Determination
• Cease the blaming of others
• Put the past behind you as much as you can
• Attend motivation lectures
• Accept that medical operations and illnesses most people have one or more
• If you believe you are a misfit in society then society is to account for that. We are all individuals and should be accepted
• Try not to focus on flaws you have no control over.

I've said before that getting your license and a car is a minor achievement for many but was a major achievement for you. Well done. It isnt "only afford a license" ... see the difference? 

Your last sentence is a perception of how you believed people were but you have also achieved on this perception because you now label them correctly as "toxic" That is a major realization. Can you see the half cup empty to the half cup full differences in what I'm saying? If so then that is your calling, that is where you should head towards to put this past behind you. 

Finally. You can become a positive person but you need to achieve the rebound. Rebound means you can turn your mind towards a positive thinking mentality but you will relapse and have periods whereby you go back into the past into low self esteem. That's ok, but dont stay there long, rebound towards a more productive life, joining with like minded people that you enjoy. Some of those toxic friends do also change into good human beings with regrets on how they treated you, so have some faith. Mean kids arent mean kids forever.

TonyWK