So tired of life

[muminoz]

Hi all, 

I don’t even know where to start. I’m just tired of life. Married 22 years, he does nothing except for work and being a couch potato. I’ve been taking care of the kids, house, pets and bills. His business failed a couple of years ago and now we are struggling financially. I feel stuck and trapped in this marriage. Can’t leave as I’m financially dependent on him. No friends or family, so no support. Where do I go?  I suffer from depression and anxiety and had a mental breakdown last year. I also have social anxiety and have trouble talking to others. I am so lonely.  Have had suicidal thoughts for a while now and it is getting worse. I really want to end it, I do not see the point of living but I worry about my 2 girls. They are the only reason that is keeping me from going through with it. I stay strong for them but inside I am a mess. I can’t deal with the stress of living, work and worrying about money. Can’t stop the constant stream of negative thoughts in my head. Life is so meaningless. I hate myself so much for being weak, for being dependent on him, for not setting boundaries earlier, for not having a career, for trusting him 

[ClosetMonster]

Hey muminoz, im not too experienced in this, as im only 15, but i saw your post and didnt want to leave without adding anything. This hit home for me, as my mother is also a bit depressed, and for a while me and my sister were the only reason she was still hanging on.

Im not too sure what to say, but you shouldnt resort to death as a solution. I can't promise anything about your husband, but I CAN promise you that your daughters love you very much. There's definitely things you can do to benefit your life, please look for them. If I could remember what they were, I'd tell you, im sorry I can't. But please, also see that I care about how you end up. I know we're total strangers but I really dont want you to die. Your kids need you, and everyone is lucky to be alive.

I'm so sorry I can't help you more, but know theres always a solution.

[Guest_10336]

Hi muminoz, first let me give you a big big big hug!!!

I feel your pain very much. I'm in a similar situation. We need to keep going for our kids. We play a very important role in shaping the next generation so that bad-history does not carry-on.

I also have 2 kids. I try to teach them the importance of kindness and empathy - which is something that their dad lacks.

For me, it's a no-win situation trying to change my husband's ways. I just try to keep myself positive with everyday little-things and reflect on something that did go well for the day each night before I sleep.

[muminoz]

Hi, 

Thank you for the hugs 🥰  and supportive words. It means a lot to have someone respond. I am taking it one day at a time, some days are just harder. I will stay strong for myself and my girls. Thanks again and I wish you all the best too! 

[sbella02]

Muminoz,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, we warmly welcome you to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling, my heart breaks for you.

I don't think it's fair to call yourself weak for being trusting of somebody. In fact, what you're seeing as weakness, other people would see as a strength - it takes strength to be compassionate in seeing the good in others. It takes strength to recognise that you're in a place of hopelessness. It takes even more strength to reach out for help.

If you want someone to chat through your options with, reaching out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) may be a good place to start. They're 24/7 too, which helps.

How feasible would it be to seek some part-time work? Is this something you think you'd be able to achieve? Something like retail, or hospitality, or reception work?

Otherwise, do you have any people in your extended support group? Any loved ones, friends, former colleagues who you'd feel comfortable reaching out to? Sometimes it can help having some support and insight from people who know you well, or have known you in the past. Similarly, having a chat to a GP or therapist may be good if you're seeking some professional insight or support, if this would be a feasible option for you.

If you want to chat with us some more, feel free, we're here to listen and support you. In the meantime, I hope this helps a little.

All the best, SB