So scared of rejection, depression kicks in.

[Kann]

Hi, I'm new here. My biggest worry at the moment is that I'm so scared of rejection I'm fearing I'm driving my partner away. They also suffer depression. I want to support them and try the brave face. Unfortunately I'm so overcome with fear and watching everything I say and do I feel like I'm sinking. I don't want to feel this way. Any suggestions welcomed.

[white knight]

Hi Kann, welcome here

I k ow with ADHD "foot in mouth" is common because those with that disorder speak without thinking.

Illnesses often cross over, a bit of this and a bit of that so no wonder we lose friends because we hurt others without intent.

Add to that sensitivity and you have a situation where, eventually you'll only surround yourself with the most understanding of people.

So what is the answer?

Well, you can shy away from groups, don't involve yourself with committees and silence can be Holden. In a gathering of a few friends sit back and do some thinking and observing. Then short comments.

Your fears might need psychiatric therapy.

I've written the following that might help. Please Google

Topic: depression and senditivity, a connection- beyondblue

Tony WK

[MarkJT]

Kann, congrats on your first post and well done for reaching out - takes courage so much respect there.

Have you thought about sitting down with a trusted person, mutual to you both so you can have an open and honest discussion. Outline your fears and see if you can move forward. It may be that you both have the same fears or at least it is then out in the open. You can then work on working out solutions so that you can both live happily together.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Kann

You are not alone in being scared of being or feeling rejected. I too live with this. I have felt rejection so bad, it felt like my heart was breaking and almost like a physical deep ache within. It feels so painful that I actually fear feeling it. So I have hidden myself away. The problem with hiding yourself way is you don't actually connect with other people. This in turn can make you feel alone, lonely, unloved, depressed etc. This has been my experience anyway.

I think what Tony said about being sensitive does have a connection to depression. Because when you find yourself in that depressed state, things can hurt you more, i.e. the words people may say to you, the fact they may neglect or ignore you, even they way we perceive things could be off or magnified or something.

One of the things that has helped me, is too understand that people that are meant to love you, may not portray that out to you at times, because they are dealing with there own issues, weaknesses or whatever.

Anyway I wanted to let you know I care.

Bye now

Shell

[blondguy]

Hello Kann

Great advice above from Shelley. MarkJT also made a great point about you both having a conversation with a trusted person who can have an open and gentle conversation with...

Thankyou for posting too....Rejection is an absolute pain many people including me too...

you are not alone Kann. You are more than welcome to post back if you wish

Paul

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Kann,

Welcome to the BB forums.

Great responses here already and please know that what you're feeling is actually super common -

Here are a few suggestions that I've managed to work through for me and hopefully they'll help you too.

- Remember that depression is not an identity and that it's just something that people struggle with sometimes. It doesn't define you.

- If your partner feels that he is being driven away - this is actually not your fault. This is by far the hardest thing I've had to learn. Loving you is loving all of you, not you when it's convenient, or not when it's sparkling. I love all my partner in his mess and he loves all of me in mine.

- Talk to your partner. Tell him how you're feeling and that you're scared. Maybe he's scared too. Maybe he's noticed it - maybe he hasn't. But you won't know how he's feeling until you get on the same page. I've had this conversation manyatimes and it's helped an awful lot. It's super hard to be vulnerable, but it's worth it.

- Tell him what you want and need from him. Often partners and carers can 'seem to back away' but it's only because they don't know how to support you. I've heard before that they think the person needs space, so they leave the room - but that's not always what the person wants. For me, I have to say things like "I want to be alone right now" or "I would really love some hugs right now". Nobody is a mind reader.

- Find and use other support resources. This might be a GP, therapist, friends or family. Find strategies that work for you when you're feeling low - music, gaming, TV, journalling, art, walking/exercise, meditation - doesn't matter.

- Fact check your thoughts. How do you know you're driving your partner away? What makes you think he won't stand by you? Often struggles in a relationship can actually make it stronger. Our thoughts are our reality so it's so important to be aware of what you're telling yourself.

- Incorporate some fun. I'm struggling with depression right now and a lot of the week is me crying or needing someone to listen to me talk and ramble - so we make an effort to have nights that are not for that. I actually push myself to watch a movie so that the week or our relationship isn't all about depression. Sometimes I push us to go outside for a walk.

Hope this helps a little 🙂 Feel free to post again if you like.

[Kann]

Thank you everyone for your response and advise. It really helps. It was a bit of a load off just posting. Everything you all said is true. I'm ultra sensitive and depressed. I like the idea of having a three way discussion with an objective trusted person. My partner who I love so much needs my support and I do put my foot in it often. And we both get snappy and we just end up arguing. I guess I also have a few issues I need to sought out for myself as well.

Thanks again

[hayleynew]

Many have replied already but I just anted to let you know that I'm currently experiencing the same thing and have many family members experiencing the same thing. I think that as people, when we feel fear, we automatically get defensive and we build an imaginary wall so no one can get in even with a key.

I often worried and still worry I would lose my husband to depression because my moods are always up and down, I have been having bad days more than good and I know when I shut down, he feels rejected. But I also know this, he can see past the depression, he can see past my moods, my anxiety, my tears. He can still see hope, the person I was before I fell ill to the Black Dog. I know then that he won't leave, I would ever leave me because he accepts me for who I ma and the change that has happened in my life. He accepts that unfortunately, this is part of who I am.

Relationship counselling; an objective person that can help you communicate with each other and some individual counselling to help you to deal with your individual issues may be beneficial for you both.