Hi, welcome
Firstly, interstate relationships, trying to maintain them in close form isnt very common. I have a lot of relations interstate and it isnt easy to remain close. In fact no matter how close the communication is, every day activities you no longer share keep you distant. So perhaps your expectations are a little high for that reason? I'm not sure as I dont know her.
I'm a little concerned that she has given you an ultimatum, rather than being negotiable. That alone tends to point towards a sign that paints a picture of you not being in her life for some reason only she knows. That isnt the atmosphere of a sisterly approach. I'd go as far to suggest that your respect for your relationship is stronger than hers for you and that is indeed sad. So what can you do to soften the effect of this problem?
I have met the crossroads of this type of family/friends issues before myself several times as I come from a volatile family full of mental illness that splits apart often. I realised that some friendships are so special that they were more family than my blood family so I solidified these friendships ever since and now see them as family. These are the people that visit you if unwell, are fair to you, listen to you and make effort. In the meantime I decided to drop off the toxic family members that were no good for my mental health and depression. That unfortunately also included my mother that had so many demands on me and manipulated my life that I had to focus on myself.
There is a sweet spot however, eg making contact a couple of times a year, before xmas for example and a birthday. But you might consider waiting for her to make contact too, if she doesnt and lets the relationship drift, you know where you stand.
That's my suggested solution even though it does hurt.
Being family doesnt guarantee closeness and to have an expectation of closeness being blood when such effort isnt reciprocated is harming your own health....
TonyWK
