Depressed

[Never-Give-Up]

Hi, I’m a 57 year old male. I came from an abusive step family relationship and ran away from home at 15. I ended up being homeless and drifted from shelter to shelter, state to state and couldn’t keep a job or make friends. This lasted about 8 years. Fast forward 30 plus years and I have a beautiful Wife, a lovely home,a good job and plenty of money. So many trigger points remind me of my past and it depresses me severely. As I get older it seems to get worse. I see homeless people on the streets and it breaks my heart as I have been there. I try to ignore the trigger points but they are so raw and overwhelming. I should be happy for the fortunate position I’m in now, but my past is a huge roadblock. Sometimes I wonder if going back to my past ways would ease the pain.

[therising]

Hi Never-Give-Up

Your life is one of incredible inspiration and I'm sure one of incredible struggle and grief along the way. I can't even begin to imagine the disappointments, the fears and the hundreds of moments that tested you toward breaking point.

It is said that great compassion is born out of personal experience. To feel deeply for those who have struggled in similar ways to our self is what leads to the most caring and compassionate parts of our self to come to life. While those facets of us coming to life can make us more conscious, the need to manage those facets and their inner dialogue becomes a must, otherwise we suffer pain through them as we feel other people's pain. We can suffer through our empathy. While insensitive people feel little to nothing, sensitive people develop the ability to sense so much. Such an ability can definitely feel like a curse at times.

I can't help but wonder whether you're being called back to your past in order to address it in ways that you may need to or whether the call is one of service to others. We hear many times of people who've suffered greatly who go on to help those who suffer in relatable ways. Could this be a call to share your story, a call to guide others in similar ways to how you were guided, a call to volunteer (volunteering some ease for those who experience an overwhelming sense of dis-ease or unease or hopelessness) or a call in other ways? I'm wondering whether you're conscious of a lot of your triggers. For example, with winter now having set in, can you relate to what a struggle homelessness was in the freezing months? On the cold mornings, does your heart break for others when you turn the heater on at home?

Considering what services were available to you when you were younger, do you think revisiting some of those services would make a difference to you? Do you feel whether finding out what you can offer them in the way of your time, compassion, personal experience etc may make a difference? Are there free food services for the homeless that may need a hand? Could another idea involve asking friends and family to donate blankets or sleeping bags for you to give to others? What meant the most to you during the time you were homeless? Could you offer that to others in some ways? Could a part of your calling involve feeling and sharing in other people's relief, as opposed to feeling and sharing in nothing but their sufferance?

[randomxx]

Hi there op .

What an incredible turn around in your life later on after a start like that. l'd love to hear more if you feel like it at some stage, of the changes and times and of how things evolved into the life you have now.

l feel so much for our young in particular now and of what this country has become with the insane housing situation, it's just not right, it's all so wrong. My own d is safe physically as she can live with her mum or over at my place, but all she wants is to get out there and start her life, just like l did and most others. But with the housing insanity here now, such a basic human need as we grow up is seeming almost impossible and my heart breaks for the stuckness and limbo she's in and of the just where th to turn and of just how, how, to go out into the world and just start life. lt's the maddest thing l've ever seen in this country.

So not only her situation but for everyone else out there too, my heart breaks daily. The families living in cars, kids that have needed to escape, all of it but especially the kids.

Yet here l am with 2 spare rooms, l often feel so guilty, bc it's often just me and this one big peaceful house. l even ran an ad once for free accommodation, free, especially if they could cook. All l'd ask is that maybe they cook bc l hate cooking and l'm mostly living alone  bc of being in a mostly long distance relationship last 5yrs. Strangest thing, l didn't get one inquiry, not one. l'm thinking just wth, was it bc l only asked that they maybe help out a bit and they didn't like that- wanted a totally free ride, or what?  l just couldn't understand it.

That whole thing confused me a bit on the whole situation and attitudes and since l haven't known how to feel. l wanted to help someone, but no one wanted the help. With the situation out there now now so dire, just how mind boggling bizarre.

l'd suspect huge parts of your depression are in guilt, l'm riddled with it. For my d and for all the people and homeless out there struggling. l'm not well off not by a long shot but at least l'm comfortable with a bed , room and roof over my head.

But then a portion of it to l'd imagine with you, would be the trauma of it still being with you. l've had many huge ups and downs and low points through life and it hasn't been the typical life either not by a mile. But l am lucky in the way that l just don't tend to hold onto pasts very much l'm just more of an automatically forward type thinker l've always been that way and for that l;m v grateful bc it's helped me a lot through life.

But for some of us like yourself, l know it doesn't work that way and l'd think by the sounds of it things are still with you all these yrs and life later, especially combined with your life now and the guilts.

Maybe your being called into helping people now- instead of the shallowness of money and nice houses. l'd think helping those out there now would help you a lot too. Why don't you think about it and if your well off even quitting and getting out there into some sort of volunteering or helping situation, fist hand, hands on.

Your story could also inspire .

Or maybe you could put your resources into shelters or aid or some sort of thing, and get things done, maybe even big things , maybe you could make a huge difference out there.

rx.

[Earth Girl]

Hi NeverGiveUp,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that and that you are almost in a sense sort of reliving it now. Your home life must have been extremely bad for you to have run away. My home life for a long time was really bad, but not to that extent as I would rather live with my family and be miserable at home (we fought a lot everyday) than be homeless and to go through all that. I think I'd be too scared to run away actually.

I recommend that instead of making yourself feel like you don't deserve what you have now (you definitely deserve it) and almost wishing that you were going through that extremely rough time again, remind yourself that even though you were once in their shoes that you ended up living a great life and the same could happen to them one day. If you ever get into a conversation with one of these people, if you feel comfortable, I think it would be great to let them know that you use to be homeless, but things one day got so much better and that will probably make them feel a lot better because it will probably give them some hope and they will be very happy for you too. Your story is a good reminder that no matter how awful things can get, they can always improve greatly one day and it's worth sticking around.

I'm very proud of you for how far you've come, especially considering what you've been through.