Sick of the fight

[Katherine22]

Hi, it’s been a year or two since I last posted. I have had depression for 15 years and anxiety for 5 or 6.

I have lost 3 jobs over my anxiety and depression and today my fourth.

I go along nicely for a few months and try my hardest to be positive and push myself every day then something just tips me over the edge. This weekend it was my 10 year old being defiant and tantruming.

I saw a psychologist for 4 years but moved to the country 1 year ago which has limited resources.

I feel like I want to give up but know I can’t. I have a 17 year old and a 10 year old at home and two adult kids that live elsewhere.

I was 2 weeks out from finishing my tafe course but now just want to give up on everything. I’m so tired of the fight and my family not understanding.

[White_Rose]

Hello Katherine

Welcome back. This is a good place to write about your mental health as I am sure you know.

When you saw the psychologist did it help? If so It would be good to find another psychologist or psychiatrist if there are no psychologists around. Country people do have it tough with limited resources. It may help to start an online course. Have a look at the Mindspot web page and see what they can offer. https://mindspot.org.au/

You can also contact the Suicide Call Back Service 24/7 on 1300 659 467 or visit their web page https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ You can talk via the phone or have online counselling via Skype if you have that facility. I know the name sounds a bit drastic but do not be put off. They have great skills and because of where you live it may be convenient to try both organisations for help.

When you were here before did you read any of the information available here? If not have a look around, download fact sheets and send for booklets, free of charge. It may be helpful to give this information to your family to help them understand what is happening for you.

What is happening at work that causes you to lose your job? Did you talk to your manager about your difficulties? Most employers are sympathetic when their staff members are unwell and can often help you with different duties if something in particular is pushing your buttons.

Please try to complete your TAFE course. I know it feels like climbing a mountain but finishing it will be a great achievement and give you a boost. It's good to look back and see what you have achieved.

Both your boys are old enough to help you round the house and to understand tantrums are not acceptable. Have you been able to talk to him about this? It would be worthwhile to explain why this is unacceptable. Not just because you are unwell but because it is unacceptable behaviour from someone his age.

Mary

[CourtneyJ]

Hi Katherine,

When I read your post I just had to write and say I UNDERSTAND BEING TIRED OF FIGHTING.

Every single minute of every single day is a struggle for me with my anxiety. What no one understands is that it literally takes 60% of my total allocation of mental energy just to get out of bed, get dressed and go to work. And that's before I even start work! And I have an incredibly demanding job in HR which requires a lot of mental energy. And it's frickin exhausting!! And I'm so practiced at it that to the casual observer it's looks second nature to me.

And then on the weekend when I FINALLY get some time to myself I just want to hide in my apartment and binge watch Netflix because I don't have the energy to socialise or do any hobbies at all. I need the whole 2 days to recuperate to do it all again.

And then people take it personally (especially my mother) that I don't reach out to organise coffee dates etc. Which just makes me feel more guilty.

Almost monthly I have to make a conscious decision to either keep fighting or give up. There are months where it's a very close call.

I don't have any advice for you and I certainly won't say that I know how you feel. I just hope that knowing you're not alone in wanting to give up the fight may bring you some comfort.

Stay strong and remember you're worth fighting for.

[Guest_682]

I understand i too am sick of the fight,hope you can cope

[blondguy]

Hi Katherine22

I have also been on the same roller coaster ride with anxiety. It took me nearly 20 years to understand that 'fighting' anxiety is counter productive and can actually exacerbate our anxiety levels

'Acceptance' therapy does work well. All anyone has to do is ask their psychologist as once we genuinely accept the symptoms/feelings of anxiety, we will have greater peace in our lives. It is possible to reduce the severity of these awful symptoms. Yes it is hard work....and requires strength and determination that we dont have through exhaustion....There is always a way to diminish the severity of anxiety

Just from my experience...I hope some of this helps

my kind thoughts

Paul

[White_Rose]

Hello Katherine

It's been a few days since you last wrote. How are you going?

As you can see others have the same experience of fighting as you and I have gone through that also. For a long time I found life so hard and wanted to leave it all behind.

Hello CourtneyJ and Guest_682

It is good to share experiences and give some hope to each other. I wonder if you can tell us any positive experience you have had with the fighting. Is there a way you have found to cope? I see Paul has written about his experience (Hello Paul) and how acceptance therapy has worked for him.

It is so true that if we can accept our feelings we do get greater control over our lives. It's also true as Paul says, that it takes energy and hard work, both in small supply at this stage.

Does anyone have any professional mental health help? Has acceptance therapy ever been mentioned? Perhaps if you can pool your resources and support each other on this thread it may make the journey easier and you know you are certainly not alone.

Mary

[Katherine22]

Hi Mary thanks very much for your reply. Yes seeing a psychologist did help I have since posting spoke to her and feeling a little more positive. Work is a giant challenge to me, I’m very sensitive and don’t handle difficult personalities very well and the last few positions this has been a problem. My last two positions I have had passive aggressive bosses. I think also I just take too much on and I sort of set myself up for failure.

my son is behaving better the last week and I’ve had a talk with him about how it’s affecting me. I’ve also decided I will go and complete my assessment at tafe in two weeks and just finish my course.

Thanks very much

[Katherine22]

Hi Courtney thanks so much for your reply. Yes it’s 100% exhausting!

People think I’m all good too but getting up and pretending is debilitating. I want to hide away also and I love the night time, it calms me and feel like I can hide away. My family pressures me to be social too and just don’t understand that I want to be alone. Hope you’re doing ok and thanks again:)

[Katherine22]

Hi Paul, thanks very much for your reply. I have actually just heard of acceptance therapy the other day! I spoke to my psychologist on the phone and she was saying about it and about a book called the Happiness Trap. I like the idea of it but I’m very sad to accept it also 😞

I wish it wouldn’t be a forever problem. Thanks again and take care

[Katherine22]

Just wanted to thank you all again for replying it really means a lot to me!

Also if anyone can give me their opinion please?

I got a job last year but had a massive panic attack on the morning I was supposed to start 😞 therefore didn’t go through with that job.

The employer was lovely and said at the time to let her know if I was looking for work later. Well it’s been 8 months since then and I emailed her just to see if she had a casual shift or two, she has invited me for a chat about working there again. She knows I have anxiety and still willing to give me a go but I’m feeling bad I let her down in the first place. Any advice? Thanks very much