sick of feeling crap for no reason

[MrsCam]

my first ever post on this site and Id just like to say THIS CONDITION REALLY SUCKS!!!

I am 35 years old and have "nothing to be depressed about". some days I feel quite good then others I just feel crap again... having my first session with a new counsellor this week so hoping that will help a bit but I really dont even know what Im going to say... having my sessions via video link as I live in remote WA. have spoken to her once on the phone and somehow managed to give the impression that my husband and work colleagues are quite supportive of me but in reality they are just sick of me, they want me to get over it... I take my meds as required and make a point of getting some light exercise each day as these things are supposed to help. mostly I eat healthy as 18 months ago i had gastric sleeve surgery to help lose weight so getting the correct nutrition is especially important..

I know I am not as hard done by as many and I know that I basically have a good life but that logical thinking goes out the window when I am feeling so overwhelmingly low...

[Paws4Thought]

Hi MrsCam

I read your post and can totally relate to what you're saying.  I've been diagnosed with Major Depression and, just like you, I have good days and bad days but overall I have "nothing to be depressed about".

The more I learn about my own depression, the more I think that depression has no logic to it or even reason behind when it hits you for those black days (tho' I'd guess that the professionals would disagree).  Thing is, I'm 53 years old and have completely coped with my fair share of tough times throughout my life but - and this is the totally illogical bit - I didn't "get" depression until a few years ago when, overall, things were relatively good. 

[Neil_1]

Hi there MrsCam

And welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post. 

I think that is really excellent that you've managed to get yourself an on-line video link up for a counsellor - that's very positive stuff.  And that you're on meds that you're taking, chip in with the light exercise and add a side order of healthy eating and you are really majorly helping yourself really well.  That is awesome stuff to read.  But still you have these majorly down feelings.  Yes yes, that IS depression.

I fully get that, cause I do all of that too and yet I still struggle on a daily basis.

One thing though, is please don't be comparing yourself to how you find others to be - as in, oh, but she or he is so much worse than me.   No no, don't be saying that - you've got this illness and that's bad.  That's all there is to know - if you've got it, then we will look out for you and support you and try to assist you as much as possible.  But yeah, there's no such thing as I'm better off than others.  No no, don't be thinking that.  It's just an awful illness and hopefully by a few of us reaching out to you, we might be able to suggest different coping mechanisms along the way to help you move forward, even if it's just a little bit.

I'll send this off now and would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Paws4Thought]

Hi MrsCam

Somehow I manage to only post first part of my response to you.  I didn't get to say some of what I think is important so, here I go again ...

From what you said, it sounds like you feel guilty because you have depression and have "nothing to be depressed about".  Hey, I get it - and I sometimes feel like that too.  I can only say that Depression really is an illness - that's totally confirmed these days.  Despite what triggers, emotional baggage, etc., might set it off, I think there's still a lot to learn about why we get it - and it's different for everyone.  I think we really need to be more compassionate for others with depression - and ourselves! - because it's not something logical that you choose to get, or get for one specific reason, or at a particular time, or (worst thought of all) because we deserve it.

Sometimes I've felt the old:  " I shouldn't be depressed because I've got nothing really to be depressed about ".   I reckon we have to stop 'should-ing' on ourselves and see Depression for what it is - an illness, often misunderstood, always a "condition that really sucks", but one where we can take whatever steps we can manage to get through it.

Good on you for getting onto a counsellor - especially with the issues of distance.  Good luck, and I hope it works for you quickly and for long-term. 

From my own experience, the only other thing is to remember it's an illness.  Please don't start to feel guilty because you don't have a reason to be ill.  That just grinds you down.  If, for example, we have heart problems, we don't tell ourselves we have no reason to be ill, we just take steps to minimise our risk with, say, healthy diet and exercise.  Same for depression. 

For me, the best steps to avoid the 'black dog' as much as possible: good nutrition, get some sunshine and fresh air, do some enjoyable exercise (for me it's walking my dogs), and (the one we forget) - give yourself time, time to do something you normally enjoy.  Sure, on the black days, it's hard to enjoy anything, but I've found it can sometimes give me just enough of a tiny boost to move me, even a little bit, but in the right, positive direction.

You're already doing all the things that professionals suggest will help - good on ya!  Now, just remember to be good to yourself.  You're ok, you're not alone, and you're going to get better!!!

[MrsCam]

thanks for your responses Neil & Paws...

I try not to give myself a hard time... its difficult sometimes cos I worry about what others around me are thinking... I have had issues in my job because others there feel that "i bring everyone down" even my husband has said similar once before...

I feel like I cant win sometimes. I have been changed to casual and told that I should just call up and say Im not going in if I feel really low in the morning but on the few times Ive done that I then heard about how hard it was for everyone being 1 staff member down... then sometimes my hubby gets upset cos if I dont work I dont get paid and we left melbourne and moved to this mining town to get ahead...

sorry to seem negative but I literally have no one i can talk to about any of this stuff

[Neil_1]

Dear Mrs Cam  

Please don’t be sorry – on this site we try to avoid it, because no-one needs to say it here.  And if this is something that you feel comfortable in doing, then please by all means, come here and VENT and let off steam.  We’ll always listen and if possible, try our best to advise as well.  

I just hope your husband listens to you when you’re not well – it would be terribly hard for him to understand if he’s never had mental health issues himself.  This is where support at home can be a very useful thing and on the other hand, it can really make things a lot worse as well.  

Please stay here with us.  

Neil

[geoff]

dear Mrs.Cam, I remember that you replied to someone which was excellent advice and I commented on this, who the person was I can't remember.

Depression, well we all know what it does to us, and without a doubt it's always there to bring us down and cripple us, mentally and then socially, why, why do we get it, well there could different reasons, one could be the loss of someone who was so very close to us, and there is no justification what so ever for this to have happened, but unfortunately it did so this certainly is one reason.

Another reason is because we were taken advantaged of as a very young child and this has created a reason to become depressed, because mentally it has stained our mind and caused many years of absolute heartache.

They are probably the top two, maybe or maybe not, but then it can happen because we are ostracised by our social friends, for what reason, well it could be for anything that may have happened or not happened, and finally it just lands on our lap, for what reason we don't know.

If you take the day off because you're depressed, and the office is one person short, then the daggers from the rest of the office workers when you return is only going to intensify your depression, so it's a catch 22 situation, either way you're not going to win.

It doesn't matter how much your husband and work collegues want you to get over it, and so do you, but at the moment you are struggling, and you can't force yourself, because it just won't happen.

Being out in the remote area does make it very difficult to get the right treatment, but please continue to post on here. L Geoff. x

[MrsCam]

thanks for the responses. feeling a little better tonite/ this mornnig...first video link counselling session this afternoon... hope I "click" with her... day off work today which is nice, hoping to get some of my study done...

[Struggler]

Hi MrsCam

I have been reading you thread.  How was the video link counselling session?  Hope you're doing better.

Struggler

[MrsCam]

hi Struggler,

had my first video session last thursday, having another one tomorrow. it went quite well i think. she suggested my hubby might like to join in at some stage so we can discuss how he is feeling about my condition and how it affects him. I mentioned this idea to him when he got home that night and he seemed open to the idea so hopefully that can happen, tho it might be a bit difficult with his work...

hope you had a good day 🙂