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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Chibam Reasons for living?
  • replies: 9

I had a question for the "your questions answered" page, but apparrently you need to ask them through the forums, so I hope I've got the right forum. Sorry if I haven't. This site addresses the question "why commit suicide" and basically says that th... View more

I had a question for the "your questions answered" page, but apparrently you need to ask them through the forums, so I hope I've got the right forum. Sorry if I haven't. This site addresses the question "why commit suicide" and basically says that the answer or answers to this question are largely unknown or only partially understood. Could you please offer some insight into the opposite side of this issue? Could you please explain why people who oppose suicide choose to continue living rather then not live anymore? For some people, this question is as mystifying as the question of why someone would commit suicide seems to be for you, and I'd imagine that groups that are so resolute that life should always be prolonged rather then ended, such as your own, would be able to shed some light on this issue. I'm truly sorry if this question offends anybody. That is the last thing I'd ever want to do. But I believe it needs to be asked, and more importantly, answered. Thank you.

SubduedBlues Forgiveness used to be my strength
  • replies: 9

Once upon a time, the source of my light left me and she broke my spirit. When my spirit broke, she ceased being the light and became darkness. Now my ex has manifested herself as the dark shadow my despair.Last week that evil dark shadow hath descen... View more

Once upon a time, the source of my light left me and she broke my spirit. When my spirit broke, she ceased being the light and became darkness. Now my ex has manifested herself as the dark shadow my despair.Last week that evil dark shadow hath descended upon our house. That malignant despair has infiltrated the family home and taken root. The happy home of my children communing together in harmony has been dispersed. When they get home from school, the immediately vanish into the safety of their rooms. Their doors closed, that shadow of despair kept at bay.Our home is now quiet, so deathly quiet. There is no conversation to be heard. No laughter. No joy. I feel so down, beyond blue, it's now black. It's so very cold. For even hope has gone home. And I find myself so very alone. I would want someone to help me, if I though someone could. But I know, no one is coming, I know no one would. I am alone tonight, as I will be tomorrow. As that witch of despair tightens her grip upon me. I must break free from this woman. But she puts me down, she pulls me down, she keeps me down. I can't hold the grudge, it takes too much energy, I forgive her. I hate me. D'beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

onlysez16 My chest feels like there is a balloon inside it
  • replies: 16

Every day is different. Some days I am completely numb - I go about my day in a haze, doing what I need to, speaking when I'm spoken to, even laughing along with a joke, but mostly just floating along without knowing how I got here or what has been h... View more

Every day is different. Some days I am completely numb - I go about my day in a haze, doing what I need to, speaking when I'm spoken to, even laughing along with a joke, but mostly just floating along without knowing how I got here or what has been happening for the last 10 minutes. I automatically do what I'm meant to, and then go to sleep. Other days life sucks. My chest feels like there is a balloon inside it, pressing against my ribs, trying to burst out. My arms and legs are restless like they are waiting for something to happen. I feel angry or sad or scared or all three at once, for no reason. I can't stand the sight of people but desperately want them to see me, be near me, but please don't touch me or I might scream or cry or break apart in to dust. I force myself to breath. Then sometimes there are the days that don't stand out - everything is so light and easy that it isn't until the end of the day when I notice the absence of fear, pain, numbness. Those days don't come very often. I saw a movie once where someone said that madness can often be a choice. You can choose to let yourself fall in to the abyss, or you can keep fighting it. I understand what that means now - it would be so so SO easy to just slip right down in to my mind, to cry and scream and throw things, to become hysterical and numb at the same time, to mutter and forget that the world carries on around you and you need to just keep up. So I try to keep up. I've never seen a GP or counceller or psychologist. I've never been suicidal, though I do think about it sometimes. I don't want drugs and I don't think just talking about it to a stranger will make me better (yet here I am on the interwebs...) This is just how my life is, and I don't know any different. But I do want to know if I am alone? I hope so, because it breaks my heart to think anyone else could feel this way. ~ Sez

gremz The hurricane
  • replies: 20

i think everyone who has experienced returning chronic depression must know this feeling.When you know the darkness is coming but there's nothing you can do to stop it.the storm comes and your holding on trying not to be sucked up into the turbulent ... View more

i think everyone who has experienced returning chronic depression must know this feeling.When you know the darkness is coming but there's nothing you can do to stop it.the storm comes and your holding on trying not to be sucked up into the turbulent destructive hurricane that will eventually spit you out in the middle of no where with nothing, once again.i dont know why its coming and i dont know what to do. there is no point in working because i am (physically) sick more days than well. I try to catch up with friends and family but i struggle to enjoy their company and the paranoia sets in. not to mention the constant fatigue and irritation.I thought i was doing ok -much better than last time- but every time someone asks me how i am, i struggle to act as fine as i say i am.is there any way out, to stop the storm, or is this just something I continuously must fight each year until i get strong enough to stop letting it affect my health?Antidepressants only keeps me out of hospital.

HelenM If this is mild depression why does it feel so horrible?
  • replies: 50

Ok. Twelve years ago I had a depression that was so awful I am still traumatised by it. Over the years my depression has become much milder and sometimes my good spells have lasted for many months. Usually I come out of a depression within a few mont... View more

Ok. Twelve years ago I had a depression that was so awful I am still traumatised by it. Over the years my depression has become much milder and sometimes my good spells have lasted for many months. Usually I come out of a depression within a few months and maybe within almost half of that my mood is good. I went into a depression that was very mild 6 months ago. A few good days here and there. In April I could actually feel the depression lifting above me one day. My depression became milder still. And since then I've had a few good weeks on a couple of occasions. I've also had two separate weeks of totally irrational fear,believing I was definitely going back to that terrible place of 12 years ago. No amount of normal reasoning could change my fears. Each time it went within a week. Here I am now after several very anxious days - I think they're going now. My mood is mildly depressed. But if it's mild why do I just feel like screaming? Why do I want the day to be over. I will have another good day, maybe a few weeks. I know that it's the duration of it that's getting me down. It's the feeling that life will always be like this. The struggling to find the motivation to mow the grass later. The wanting to cry cos I've walked dog pooh in the house. The longing to enjoy my husband's company but even though I love him I feel too fed up. Compared to my first depression this is nothing. But I think that for someone who had never experienced depression it would be awful - they'd feel their life was over. And in so many ways my life has had to die bit by bit. Working, living on my own, being able to help out my kids on a practical level. I've adjusted to all this. I just can't adjust to feeling rubbish in my head for much of the time. Lots of people here have chronic mental health problems. They are all lovely people. The long term users rarely mention feeling rubbish regularly or for weeks on end. Is that because you are enduring these difficulties but trying to get by? Or are you going through a good spell? Do you have months on end of struggling? My GP sees me regularly. He says this is how I am. I do all the right stuff to help myself. My meds are ok. I think I've to just carry on enjoying the good bits and hoping I get a few months off again. On here I've been given lots of support. Still I'm coming out with the same moans. I'm sorry about that. I just find it so hard to put up with this even though it's mild. Thanks, Helen

Dingding Depressed Aussie in Taiwan
  • replies: 4

Hi there, When I was 18 a girl I loved killed herself. She threatened to do it for many years previously and suddenly just after we left school it happened. I was depressed for the next 5 years until I finally asked for help and dragged myself out of... View more

Hi there, When I was 18 a girl I loved killed herself. She threatened to do it for many years previously and suddenly just after we left school it happened. I was depressed for the next 5 years until I finally asked for help and dragged myself out of it. Shortly after putting that behind me I met the love of my life, and here I am 5 years later married with a young daughter and I've been living in Taiwan for 3 years. It was hard at first but I learned the language and get along well with my wife's family. i recently returned from a trip to Sydney to see my family and I've noticed those familiar symptoms returning rather strong. I took the test on this website and scored a 31 which is apparently high. my wife is also battling something which she wouldnt find help for, she's told me twice in the last year she wanted to kill herself. But there seems to be some sort of cultural block that stops her looking for help. Since the last time 2 months ago she has promised me she will see a doctor but hasn't got around to it yet. This really terrifies me but I feel at least she has taken the first step of admitting she needs help. I only do 4 hours work a week tutoring English and look after my daughter during the week. It's really hard for me to get a job here with no university degree. All my other foreign friends are well off English teachers and I feel like less of a man having to rely so heavily on my wife. I feel so lost and despite living here for 3 years I still feel a little alienated in regards to my career path. I've spent time looking for work in the past but I found no interest. No one needs a storeman with really bad Chinese over here. I also feel I don't have what it takes to teach a class. In the past I've blocked out my family back at home because I feel I miss them too much if I keep in regular contact. Since my daughter is getting older I've been calling more often and as the eldest in the family sometimes I feel so guilty about not being there for them when they have their own troubles as well as missing them terribly. I am having trouble sleeping and I feel so worthless and low I just don't know what to do. please help.

Kathleen21 Dark day
  • replies: 11

I'm in a really dark place today . A friend of mine asked me how I felt the other day my reply was I feel like I'm in a strange dark room and I can't find the light switch or the door to get out . My husband said last night I hope you have a good day... View more

I'm in a really dark place today . A friend of mine asked me how I felt the other day my reply was I feel like I'm in a strange dark room and I can't find the light switch or the door to get out . My husband said last night I hope you have a good day tomorrow my reply was I won't ever day is the same , he said nothing because there was nothing he could say so like usual no sex tonight for him. I wait for him to come home that's all I do and he always comes home after work I don't know why he stays with me I am a shocking wife. He tells me to put the TV on or the radio but if I do I still don't here it . I'm just so numb . I made a cake for him the other day and burnt my arm didn't feel it . I really had to push myself to make the cake took me so long as I kept forgetting what the recipe was and to keep checking it was such a easy thing to do but to me it was a nightmare. I just can't wait till 3pm every day so I can have a bottle of wine at least the wine helps. And I know to moor will be the same .

T_H_ untitled
  • replies: 2

hello. i am new at telling people about these kinds of things. i haven't got properly diagnosed and i don't exactly want to. i have gone through depression before and it's happened again, it's not easy to deal with alot of the time so i try to block ... View more

hello. i am new at telling people about these kinds of things. i haven't got properly diagnosed and i don't exactly want to. i have gone through depression before and it's happened again, it's not easy to deal with alot of the time so i try to block it out so it doesn't interfere with my personal life. it's been going on for the last few months to a year and it's still difficult and i feel like it's getting worse, for lack of a better term, the thing is i actually have a hard time trusting new people when it comes to talking about things like this and i would like to know if anyone has any tips as to how i could feel better without really going to other people. thank you.

Someone11 I don't know what to do anymore
  • replies: 9

I went off my meds a few weeks ago. I have no family, my few friends live in another state and I don't feel ok. I' m scared that my marriage will fail and I'll be completely alone in the world. I keep thinking of self-harming, not because I want to d... View more

I went off my meds a few weeks ago. I have no family, my few friends live in another state and I don't feel ok. I' m scared that my marriage will fail and I'll be completely alone in the world. I keep thinking of self-harming, not because I want to die, but because I just don't want to have to live for a little while. I would want someone to find me straight away, and tell me I can just go live in a hospital for a little while and not be responsible for anything . I don't know how to be close to people and I feel dead.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

DarklyRuby Lost The Only Thing I Love
  • replies: 4

I've been depressed for a long time, and the only thing that's held me together was drawing. I love drawing. I use to have piles of drawings. I can't explain why but I destroyed all of them. That left me broken hearted. I feel like I have nothing now... View more

I've been depressed for a long time, and the only thing that's held me together was drawing. I love drawing. I use to have piles of drawings. I can't explain why but I destroyed all of them. That left me broken hearted. I feel like I have nothing now. Worse than that, I can't seem to draw anymore. Nothing I draw seems to come out well anymore. I hate being unproductive. I just don't know what to do. I was already depressed but now I feel twice as bad. All advice is welcome.

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