Someone just tell me it will be ok

[Teejay]

Been struggling mightily these last few days.  I don't really have any one to talk to or to comfort me.  Someone just give me some words of encouragement to carry me through.

Thanks

[Jo3]

Hi Teejay

I'm here for you.  We are all here for you to support you through tough times.  

What's been happening? can you talk a little about it.

Whatever it is that you're going through we can help and you will get through it. Please get back and I will read your post.

Jo

[Teejay]

Hey Jo, thanks for being there!  I'm so ashamed that I feel this way, I mean I had a good childhood, no abuse, nothing traumatic, I have a house and a job and a family.  But somehow I'm so miserable, I can barely breathe.  I recently asked my husband for a divorce after years of being his parent not his partner and now after all this time, now he wants to try.  So now I feel obligated to stick it out for the kids even though I know I don't love him.  I feel trapped.  And the most shameful part and the thing I can't forgive myself for is I had an affair.  While I really, really loved that man, my punitive conscience made the affair very difficult, the guilt and the shame nearly killed me.  And in the end he left me because of all the drama.  No one knew and I'm going through this devastating heartbreak all alone.  I'm so blue, beyond blue, as they say.  And while I'm not going to kill myself (pretty sure that would mess my kids up) every night I go to sleep hoping I won't wake up.  I can't bear the thought of the rest of my life being a chore.  Sorry to dump on you.  I just don't know when I became this person that can't handle anything.  I don't even recognize myself. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Teejay

How are you doing today?  It’s a new day, the sun’s shining (well, where I am it is) and the birds are singing (again, I’m sure they would be, but I’m stuck in an office so can’t hear them, but they WERE singing first thing this morning).

Has there been some issue that’s really been dominating your mind of late? As with Jo, we’re here to help out as much as we can … please get back to us and really, if you’re able to, let fly and vent.  We’ll read and try to assist you.

Cheers

Neil

[Neil_1]

Hi Teejay

The posts must have crossed paths as I sent my first, your latest one just came in.  Firstly to make a small amount of light on this situation, I did like your little sentence that said:  “I’m so blue, beyond blue, as they say”.  Very apt.

You said you ‘had’ an affair and you loved that man … but with those kinds of situations, it is an excitement and a ‘love’ that is so far different, but it’s not the true love of a partner/husband/wife, etc.  Though having said that I’m kind of guessing here a bit as well, so it’s not as though that those feelings couldn’t generate into the life long love.  But from what I can make out, that affair is over and now you’re back to the routine, the circle of life that goes on and on.

Do you have a close friend who you feel you can talk too?  It’d need to be someone that you can trust … otherwise, is there any possibility of seeking professional help to assist you at this time?  To me it does sound like you really need another support mechanism apart from what the folk from Beyond Blue can come up with.

Please take care and let us know how you’re getting on.

Cheers

Neil

[geoff]

dear Teejay, you and nobody ever dumps comments on this site without any reason, and it's literally not dumping it's because you are in a hole so deep you just want support.

Your husband says that he will try, it's too late for this, and even if he does try this will only last for a short time, and only until you decide to stay, but again he is using you and manipulating you to his own concern.

The affair only happened because you wanted to feel some love and affection, so I would NOT even worry about this, and after being neglected for so long looking after someone who offered nothing in return, it's really lovely to feel the warmth from a person who actually loves you.

If you decide to stay the situation will only become the same as it was before, and your depression will never improve.

I'm not sure how old your children are, so maybe you can let us know.

This situation just slowly creeps up on us without us knowing, and before long it turns into a massive problem, and this is what has happened to yourself.

Can I suggest that you go and see a solicitor, so to organise the divorce, the house and the children, who may want to choose who to stay with.

This seems to be your best option, you have a life to live, to express yourself your own way, and to be free from all this burden. L Geoff. x

[Teejay]

I'm a little better now, even though it's is snowy and cold (I hate, hate, hate winter!)  Spent a nice afternoon with my daughter.  It's always calming and settling with her.  I do see a therapist who I like very much.  And on therapy days I feel empowered and resolute, but as soon as I walk out of her office I start the slow downhill.  The last few days have been terrible.  I feel so terribly guilty because I know I should try to get my marriage to work.  I know I need to open up to him and let go of the anger, but I can't just forget all the years of neglect because he has put some effort in for the last two weeks.  Do leopards really change their spots?  Do I let him in only to be disappointed AGAIN? And I really don't want to tell anyone else about the affair, the guy and I were friends for a very long time and have lots of mutual friends.  It would be devastating if it came to light. I just can't get my brain to stop thinking myself in circles and downward spirals.  I just need a little peace and serenity to catch my breath, you know?

I really appreciate you all!