Advice Needed

[Beckmonkey]

My boyfriend and I were very happy for nearly 3 years together, and bit by bit he started to drift from me. When we talked about it, he admitted that he was depressed and refused to talk about it, dispite my trying to help him through it with my own experiences of depression throughout my teens. We then broke up, because he didnt want to hurt me any more, and hoped that one day when he felt better we could try agian.

After this he decided that us not talking or anything else ould be better for me because he wanted me to forget about us. I tried to convince him otherwise on all of this, but when he makes a choice its nearly impossible to change his mind.

Fast forward a month and he has started talking to me agian, I asked why and he said he has missed talking to me. I still love him with all my heart, and I understand that he needs someone to talk to, and I am the closet person he has in his life. But, I dont know where this is going, or how to help him through this, and if there is ever a chance of us getting back together. 

So far he has taken my advice of going back to school and he is working towards his goals. But what now? I am so confused about all of this. Any advice or help that can be offered here would be great.

[geoff]

dear Beck, I believe from what you have posted that the both of you are adolescents, and please correct me if I am wrong.

A three year relationship must mean that the both of you are very close, so this would have been unbearable for you to have to confront this news.

Sometimes a partner of your age is often embarrassed by having depression, and they feel as though it's best to drift away from their friend, because they don't want you to suffer with him, because being in love is truly an awesome experience, however falling out of love is completely the other way around, as it deeply hurts us.

You must be his beautiful friend, and couldn't be without you, plus he needed someone that he believes can understand what depression means, and whether or not he knows of your depression, which I believe that he does, only enhances the relationship.

You may know that he needs to seek professional help, and by saying professional could frighten him from seeing someone, so just teel him that he needs to go and visit his doctor, and if he says NO, then he will need to be convinced that it's the best option.

I don't believe that anyone can cope with depression by themselves, as they just go around in circles, however we all try to, but eventually we realise that we definitely need help, and this is where you come into the equation, in that the support you will give him hopefully will get him to seek help.

Can I just give you some 'old man' advice, and that's not to yell and scream at him if he won't go, because if you do then he will dig his heels in and won't budge, as you have mentioned this in your post.

Beck this is a process that may take awhile to overcome, but with your support will help him, so please let us know on how the both of you are getting along. Geoff.