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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 0

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Suzbj To All the People Who Have Posted
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, I would just like to say that, to me, the common theme through this site is the sense of worthlessness and having no value that screams the loudest in people's experiences. A few weeks ago I felt the same way. I don't anymore. It is gett... View more

Hi everyone, I would just like to say that, to me, the common theme through this site is the sense of worthlessness and having no value that screams the loudest in people's experiences. A few weeks ago I felt the same way. I don't anymore. It is getting much better for me although I know I will have 'episodes' again. But they are getting less and less. Kind of 'three steps forward - two steps back'. You ALL are so worthy and so valuable and so very important! I wish there was a way I could communicate that to you that you could believe it and take it on board! I know that everyone has their experience and it is a journey for all of us. For me, understanding that 'others', be it family, friends, doctors, psychologists, the person in the shopping centre, can't possibly 'get' depression and anxiety. Not clinical or the real deal chronic depression. I also began to realise that when I am feeling fine and confident, I really don't care what other people think of me. When depression hits, I am devastated by even a 'look from a stranger' be it real or imagined. I'm beginning to get that it is not so much what other people think about me as what I THINK OF ME! It's ME that has to be HAPPY WITH ME, first and foremost. I'm also learning to live in the NOW. Not the past, not the future (except in practical terms). Living in the 'now' I guess is mindfulness. I remember up to five years old how happy I was. I was always in the NOW as children are when life is well. They don't hold onto the past; they don't fear the future, they live in the moment. There is a lesson in that for all of us, whether we have depression or not. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one pause at a time. Pause, just for a few seconds and notice a beautiful blue sky, a bird, a tree - a computer or latest tablet, I Phone, if that is what is special to you. Just pause and find the moment of gratitude that you identify with. I am so happy to be on this site and I wish all of you recovery, happiness and peace

Bepo78 I have Depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, I hope you are all getting through this Saturday evening ok. I just wanted to let everyone I don't know know that it's official... I have Depression. May sound stupid, but I actually only realised last night, when I went searching on the Internet... View more

Hi, I hope you are all getting through this Saturday evening ok. I just wanted to let everyone I don't know know that it's official... I have Depression. May sound stupid, but I actually only realised last night, when I went searching on the Internet to deal with Christmas blues. I found this site, and all of you, and through reading your stories, telling my own, and some teary soul searching into the wee hours, I finally realised that it was more than just "the potential to get Depressed" which was what I thought for a very long time. While my health practitioners probably know it, and my medication, is probably a pretty sure sign, I always stupidly believed I was on a purely preventative path... I now know this is not the case. Strangely enough, this realisation actually has given me some peace, in a way it's kind of nice to know that the freak I think I am may only actually be temporary and gives me renewed focus to find solutions. Instead of feeling distraught that I'll be this sad sack forever and probably live to 100 just to be punished, I now feel like if I can do all the things recommended I may have a shot at being confident and happy again. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you've helped me a great deal already. Thanks xo

Peace01 My Story
  • replies: 3

I am 54 years of age and have been suffering from depression since I was 14. I didn't know I was until I broke down a few years ago. The diagnosis of "Clinical Depression" sent me into a deeper black hole. When I shared this with my husband his respo... View more

I am 54 years of age and have been suffering from depression since I was 14. I didn't know I was until I broke down a few years ago. The diagnosis of "Clinical Depression" sent me into a deeper black hole. When I shared this with my husband his response was "thousand of women do what you do and they cope". I hated him in that moment. To be fair to him he didn't know of my childhood history at that time. However, during counselling, when our marriage broke down, my abuse came out and he then proceeded to use that as the reason our marriage wasn't working. I guess my depression took its toll on the marriage but the fact that my husband was controlling and manipulating took a bigger toll. Combine all this and the "little black dog" grew into a huge black dog. I am thankful for the counselling I received during that time as it made me realise where my depression initiated, from my childhood. My self harm, extreme emotional ups and downs led to an emotional break down at 14. A short hospital stay and then taken from school and the issue was never raised again. My family were aware of one abuse incident when I was 6 or 7 but they didn't know about the other times. The thoughts of suicide have been, are there still, but with the help of a couple of special friends I get through. The counsellor I had told me she didn't believe in depression and that it was something that could be fixed. That may be right for some people but I don't think that is true in my case. Medication helps but that only gets me through the day so I can cope with my job and everyday life. I fear I have been this way too long. I feel broken, different and I still ask the question what did I do that made those people pick me, did I come across as weak, even as a child? Oh, I have heard it all before, it's not my fault. I have a hard time believing that, surely I was doing something that attracted their attention. As an adult I know it wasn't my fault but the child still comes through and the doubts come back afresh. My God, I am rambling, sorry, first time bringing this to a public forum and am running on nervous energy. My family, 3 sons, know I suffer from this thing called depression but they don't know how deep it runs or why it is there. Not sure I do either. I can't talk to them about this. Somehow that would make me feel less than I am. I think I will stop the rambling for now. If anyone has been reading thank you for your silent listening.

coolbanana Old black dog back.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, i am new here. My story is probably familiar too many of you. 20 something yrs ago i was diagnosed as clinically depressed. On and off taking my s.r.i. (Read ....feeling better so i am not sick anymore and don't need the pills.) for the next ... View more

Hi all, i am new here. My story is probably familiar too many of you. 20 something yrs ago i was diagnosed as clinically depressed. On and off taking my s.r.i. (Read ....feeling better so i am not sick anymore and don't need the pills.) for the next 15 yrs. finally got it into my head that i gotta take them, regardless. i think i have worked out the why of what went wrong. i lived for so much of my youth in a fight or flight mode. Living out there means that eventually , one or two things happens. 1 adrenaline overload leads you too be an adrenalin junkie, so you go looking for something bigger, scarier, more dangerous, to get that level of adrenalin back. 2 seratonin level drops off. When this happens there are again a couple of ways this could go. a. You stop producing seratonin, so you need to eat bananas or take seratonin doses b. Your brain absorbs seratonin at such a fast rate that it doesnt do what it should, thus the s.r.i.'s i am on i chose anger, alcohol and attack. ( the best defence is offence right? ) anyway this week the dog returned. No one particular reason. It just came. I know there were a few contributing things, but the trigger? No idea right now. Couldnt face work after midday thursday. Woke up friday with no will to get out of bed. Had a relatively stress free day and am on the way back today. This is almost a record for me, it usually takes over a week. But with the understanding and support of my supervisors, my wife and my doctor, well we just wait and see. one thing that i noticed tho was the sense of relief and release by telling my boss what was happening in my head, before the acting out became intolerable. I guess that doing that has avoided the blame game and the anger attacks and then later the self castigation as well as the damage to professional and personal relationships. thanks for reading, and giving me a place and some space. Don't pretend tough, it's ok to not be ok.

JD1000 "It's just a mood"
  • replies: 2

I continuously get told depression isn't a serious illness get told it's just a mood or it's just a bad day, well for someone struggling as much as I already am, it's very hard to then here that it is just me being silly because it's "not a real illn... View more

I continuously get told depression isn't a serious illness get told it's just a mood or it's just a bad day, well for someone struggling as much as I already am, it's very hard to then here that it is just me being silly because it's "not a real illness" I don't know how to deal with people telling me this, because I try hard enough to hide that I suffer as it is so even letting them know I have it is hard on its own but then to feel like they don't understand and they don't I just can't cope with it. For two years I've been battling with depression, anxiety and PTSD, along with other stuff and recently I have lapsed with self harm, when trying to tell myself I'd get there one day at a time on social media I got "depression isn't an illness" I guess if you haven't gone through it you really are oblivious to how bad it can be. I am trying my hardest and sometimes people just make it harder with their arrogance, I have done a massive backflip since hearing it's not an illness and it's really hard to get out of headspaces. How do you cope when no body recognises that it's not just a bad day/week, how do you cope when people make you feel worse? How do you cope with people from day to day without lying about it or just trying to hide it? I don't want to hide it anymore I don't want to feel worse because of telling someone though. And I don't want to go through the pain of feeling like I'm pathetic because my mind won't let me think anything else when people tell you to grow up and get over it even though I know it's not that simple. How do you deal with this?

cazza been depreesed for so long dont know what to do
  • replies: 6

I have been depressed for some time now I don't feel like its ever going to get better it all started when I lost my job but now I don't know what to do I am really having a hard time I have so much going on I am going though a had break up I support... View more

I have been depressed for some time now I don't feel like its ever going to get better it all started when I lost my job but now I don't know what to do I am really having a hard time I have so much going on I am going though a had break up I supported the family for 22 years and now it all feels like it was for nothing just when I needed a little bit of help my partner leaves me I have been awake all night just trying to think what to do next my ex is making life hard now we have to sell the house and now I am lost all my hard work to keep the family together but all the fighting over our son just got to much my son is doing better without his dad but I am finding it hard to do anything I just want my son to have a nice future and that is hard when I feel so worthless I feel like they would b better off with out me I don't want to bring them down but some days its so hard to pretend that I am ok when I am not I am on meds but they don't seem to b doing anything at all, but I know I have to try and stay strong for my son I am just lost at the moment

Sambo Alcohol and depression
  • replies: 4

I am 20 years old and have been diagnosed with depression for over a year now. Sometimes when ive had a bad day i feel the need to have a drink, (i know this is bad) but in my head it makes me feel more normal. I just want to know how may people on h... View more

I am 20 years old and have been diagnosed with depression for over a year now. Sometimes when ive had a bad day i feel the need to have a drink, (i know this is bad) but in my head it makes me feel more normal. I just want to know how may people on here feel as if they also need a drink to feel this way because of their quiet or shy nature. Thanks P.s this is one of those days:/

Mares73 Can't "act" normal anymore -breakdown
  • replies: 3

Hi again Thankyou to all of the kind caring people who respond to me. Jos your response about not thinking ahead and just trying to get through the day calmed me down.Today I woke up and my husband had told me that all the research I was doing was no... View more

Hi again Thankyou to all of the kind caring people who respond to me. Jos your response about not thinking ahead and just trying to get through the day calmed me down.Today I woke up and my husband had told me that all the research I was doing was not what he wanted and he only wanted one page summaries. I felt upset, I felt stupid and then I felt that he hadn't e planned this clearly when we initially spoke about it.So he goes off to work thinking ill probably get it done "the right" way today. Then my children get up for school and I have no energy or ability to make lunches etc so was going to let them stay home.Usually they would love that-but today they got themselves ready and left, angry that I'd given them money for lunch instead of me personally making it. Petty things in the scheme of life. But I sat down and felt completely overwhelmed and unable to function or do anything.There is still so much mail & washing etc & all the things I'd usually do -today I just closed the blinds and cried and felt like I can't live with this struggle anymore. My husband says it stresses him out & he worries his leukaemia will come back, he just finds it frustrating. I sent him a msg saying "I need to tell you that I'm not well, I feel close to breakdown, I can't function and I'd probably go to hospital if I could". Haven't heard from him.I'm disillusioned that I'm defined as "treatment resistant" and been on so many medications. I was upset when I applied for a online self help short course by Mindspot and a psychologist phoned me and said my scores were too high and I needed to see somone rather than do a course (despite the fact I do see a psychiatrist).And yesterday I had applied for a research program at CRUFAD where half of the participants were to read a self-help book and the other half were to do a self-help online course. The aim was to determine whether a book or a course was more effective. Nowhere on the application did it mention medication.So a researcher phones me and says my application is suitable and we just need to do a half hour chat on phone to discuss further details-so we do this-and then at the end when she's told me I'm successful-she says "oh one final question, are you on any medications?" -so I tell her yes, an antidepressant and then before I get out the word "an antipsychotic"-she interrupts me, quite distressed and says "oh I'm sorry I should of asked you that first-we can't proceed any further with your application"!!.I said to her nowhere did it state that taking medication was an issue, there was no question as to whether I took medication and why wait to the end of the interview to ask me if its a crucial factor in determining who is eligible? I also said to her that reading a self-help book or doing a short online course should not be affected by ruling out people who take medication.The book or the course could be beneficial to many people with depression and many people are on medication so I couldn't see how taking medication related to or impacted upon a participants involvement.Anyway that felt like another rejection. In the last two weeks I've isolated myself in the house I have done a lot of research on self-help program's etc. trying to help myself. I read a lot about a type called ACT-it's an acceptance approach to mental illness, depression in particular and seems to involve accepting ones illness rather than struggling against it and then committing ti changing the things you can.It's based on "Mindfulness" and seems to have strong elements of Buddhist theory informing it. I now need to try find a therapist in Sydney. This has been my biggest hurdle-finding a good mental health practitioner.I only have my pyschiatrist who does not provide therapy but simply asks each time I see here what's been happening in life in general and then discusses scripts and medication. I've been seeing her for 6 years-my fault really for not having the courage to try a different one.I only see her every few months and the state I'm in I really need intensive support so I guess I should do something useful today and at least look into therapists.I feel immobilised by depression; I feel as though a monster has invaded my mind and taken over my thoughts and ability to function effectively. I feel so so low. I can't face the world, I feel I can't even leave the house or answer phone calls.I've worn the same clothes all week and can't believe how difficult I'm finding it to do anything. I'm also frightened by my thoughts and the feeling that I've lost control over them.I'm extremely anxious around my husband and kids as I know my husband is so frustrated and feels pressured to manage his job and then come home to find I've forgotten to organise anything for dinner; there are 3 baskets of washing that have stayed downstairs all week when I should of folded the clothes and put them away.He can also see the mounting pile of papers and mail and has said he has had enough of things being difficult and wants an easier life. I feel so so guilty about this as he has survived leukaemia and should be having a good life-not affected by my depression and my inability at times to do all the housework and cooking etc.I feel I am a hopeless case, I am consumed by guilt and fear. I hate myself so much. I used to be the strongest person. I've endured so much trauma in my life. And now I am a barely functioning person who is full of regret, despair, self hate as well as guilt and terror at the thought of how I will manage each day.I can't let my family down, I hate my current weakness, I dread what they must think of me. I just want to be able to do simple things like make the house nice, cook meals, organise events, get dressed each day, feel I'm managing responsibilities and making my family happy. But if today is any indication I'm failing at everything.I have the care and will to achieve things but I don't have the ability to do them as I'm immobilised, tears, scared and unable to almost move. It's like I really have been overtaken by a dark spirit who has taken all my strength and left me sitting immobilised in a chair where I can't move or do anything but cry and feel such deep shame and hopelessness.Where have I gone? Will I come back? I can't stand to live like this, it makes me feel as though ill become a burden and my family would be best without me. Just a very dark day and I'm so ashamed my husband sees me like this.Please I beg that I will come back and feel able to live and contribute to my family's happiness and take control of things again. I hate what I am today. So sorry...was desperate for someone to listen and maybe say something that might help.You are all my hope. M x

Mares73 Pls help-I have to "act normal" but I'm nowhere near it
  • replies: 4

My family has no understanding of mental illness apart from my husband telling me its all ok & why am I worried-to my mother saying get it together, the past is gone and you need to be grateful for what you've got. I am grateful. The difficulty is ha... View more

My family has no understanding of mental illness apart from my husband telling me its all ok & why am I worried-to my mother saying get it together, the past is gone and you need to be grateful for what you've got. I am grateful. The difficulty is having an illness surrounded by so much stigma and lack of support. The darkness is so consuming. I often think if I had a serious physical illness or impairment that people would go out of their way to help. But having depression-i feel treated as though I created the illness and its not even defined as an "illness" by so many people. My family see it as a weakness and my mothers only input is that perhaps I inherited my fathers genes. This is insulting as my father was a very abusive alcoholic who denied he had a problem and the guilt of the abuse I experienced as well S the lack of will to live eventuates in him chocking on his own vomit whilst intoxicated. I don't drink and I have a open, giving, caring personality compared to my father who was selfish in every way. I'm rambling. I guess I just needed to know someone cared about how I felt as I feel so emotional and overwhelmed. My husband has left me a huge pile of research he needs analysed and typed up today and I'm so so tired and don't know how to get through it. My mother wants to meet for coffee tomorrow as I've let her down twice and she says I need to get out of house as I basically haven't left it for over 2 weeks. She makes me anxious as she will meet me. Say hi then say her usual "come on we are going to have a good day, don't think or talk about how your feeling) and then we just walk around a shopping centre for few hours. It's getting so so hard to go out. I'm so low I just want to be locked away in the house. I'm afraid of everything and everyone. I don't know what to do. I know things I need to do are piling up and my tendency seems to hide in a book on an average day or sit in despair waiting for time to pass on others. I never ever believed this could happen to me. I had experienced so much trauma (as you can read in my earlier posts) yet for so long I was such a high achiever. I had senior management positions from the age of 25 and I commuted to work an hour each way to the centre of Sydney with my young children on the train who attended child care near my work. Then one day I realised I'd been crying all week and felt similar feelings to those I experienced after the birth of my daughter. I just quit work and have spend last 6 yrs battling my depression and anxiety as though it were a full time job. I'd really like to help other people so I'm hoping to find some volunteer work in mental health or cris areas. But unfortunately Beyond Blue doesn't need any volunteers, Lifeline requires potential volunteers to undertake an intensive program which is quite expensive and also involves intensive training and monitoring on top of the course. I was also considering retraining as a paramedic, emergency call operator, parole officer or something where I'd feel that I was making a positive contribution to society. There's also MissionBeat & places like the Wayside Chapel that I guess I could contact. I know rationally that my two biggest problems at the moment are 1) my fear, lack of motivation and vulnerability about leaving the house and 2) the follow on effect of isolation, loneliness & self hatred thoughts that result from being stuck with my own thoughts & lack of interaction with others. My biggest challenge right now is getting the courage & self esteem to leave the house (despite fears that others can see my vulnerability and judge me). Closely linked to this is that by leaving the house I also challenge my self hatred and isolation and may find that going out can be enjoyable which would challenge my sense of isolation and loneliness. The main issue is do I keep waiting to "feel ready" to go out or make contact with old friends or do I realise there will never be a "right time" and I just have to start to take action and stop thinking so much? I'm worried I'm putting myself in a darker place and maybe there are ways of thinking that are more helpful? I really feel trapped and alone with my thoughts. I would really be grateful for any suggestions as to how I can possibly help myself-especially given I have no other family, friends or medical support. Thanks for reading-I'm always so surprised that people even bother to read my posts. I don't feel worthy of support or taking anyone's time. So I can't explain how much it means to me when you respond. L e Mares

Luke_ Psychotherapist or Psychologist?
  • replies: 3

Hi all,I'm having some issues (clearly otherwise I'd not be here) and I'm sort of stuck on a merry go round at the moment and am hoping some thoughts or advice here might help.My story, and I'm sorry for the long post, I'll try to be as relevant and ... View more

Hi all,I'm having some issues (clearly otherwise I'd not be here) and I'm sort of stuck on a merry go round at the moment and am hoping some thoughts or advice here might help.My story, and I'm sorry for the long post, I'll try to be as relevant and brief as I can.I'm an ex Police officer, served for 12.5 years and I left the job 3 years ago. I'm married with two teenage children. My wife suffered PND after the birth of our second child, she only worked through that about 5 years ago (roughly 5 years on and off depression).My own problems became obvious about 2.5 years ago but my wife says Policing changed me drastically from the man she fell in love with long before that. My marriage has deteriorated to the point where it is little more than sharing a house with someone I know.There has been no intimacy of any kind (this includes holding hands or lying together watching a movie) for nearly a year, and things were on a steady slide for about the last 5 years.Things went bad so gradually that it's only now that I stop and look I realise that it may be too late to save. My wife claims to love me, yet we have no physical contact of any kind, and she is continually surprised that I have no self confidence, doesn't seem to understand my self image is rooted in her treatment of me...anyway that is a whole separate side issue.About 6 months after I left the Police I suffered a breakdown. My wife found me standing in the kitchen (the kids in the next room watching tv) just crying, I felt dead and completely detached from her, my life, from everything.I have some unresolved issues from my days with the Police, and after seeing a GP then Psychologist was diagnosed depressed, thought to be PTSD. I thought this was something that soldiers got, but the Psychologist pointed out that the things I was forced to deal with and see while Policing and the day to day stresses can have a cumulative effect, especially if I'm bottling them up and not dealing.I saw the Psych for about 12 - 14 months I think, then I ended up stopping. I mainly stopped because it was just me going to her office and talking, she didn't seem to offer any real suggestions or insights that I hadn't put forward myself. Maybe that's what's meant to happen I don't know, but while I felt better talking to someone, it ultimately didn't feel like I was moving forward. My life at home/work was fairly normal after this period, but still not moving forward and things with my wife slowly deteriorated again. We have a routine where we will fight, ignore each other for 2-3 days, then slowly we will start to be civil to each other then just at the point where we might be able to have a normal conversation we fight and the cycle starts again. Roughly once a month or so. This has been the pattern for quite a few years, at least 4.Right now I'm depressed again, I know I am and I know that I need help again. Which brings me to my question I guess. I saw a psychologist before and while talking did help I feel it was ultimately too passive.I met a Psychotherapist through work last year and she was completely the opposite, she seemed very intuitive and I felt her style of counselling would gel very well with me, I tend to respond much better to someone who can offer insight and be more active in engaging me. I do have some concerns though as this counsellor is talking about EFT and NLP as forms of treatment, and a quick google around on the net shows that both those treatments are largely discredited by the medical fraternity. While I'm willing to ignore that based on a good connection with the therapist, I don't want to throw away large amounts of money if the treatment has no chance of success.The other bad thing is that she can't register as her therapy is not recognised as medical, hence no medicare or health fund rebates, which makes it very expensive.Does anyone have experience with these types of therapy or Existential based treatements? I'd be very interested in other peoples experiences. Thanks for reading this far, so sorry for such a long post.