dear Matty, Neil and I think so much alike, but unfortunately behind the scenes he is fighting his own battle, and I'm not, so this means that he is stronger at responding at the present moment, because it's easy for me to try and relate back to you when I have overcome this demon, whereas he's still fighting it by himself, but his rationale is spot on.
Being optimistic is such a huge leap, because by feeling this way we expect the change to happen straight away but it's too much an enormous leap, and even if something so small goes wrong then we feel that we have failed yet again.
We have to believe that there maybe something positive to build on, because the click of a finger won't drastically and automatically change our depression straight away, we have to slowly build on our confidence.
In your situation you nor any of us know what your wife will decide on doing, I remember sending heaps of roses to my wife at her work, fearful of her just throwing them into the bin, but this time she didn't and actually thanked me for giving them to her, but this still didn't turn our situation into loving me in either a physical or verbal way, but I had responded to her the way I always would do, so maybe a small break through into associating back to her may have happened.
My now ex hated me and had left me several times over a period of time, but I perservered to gain her confidence back, it didn't happen over a short time, but I kept on trying, and it's no different than when we going through divorce , I had regain the trust and confidence from both my sons, and over a period I had regained their support, and it has now turned around that they need my help and support, so they trust and can rely on me for this.
What I am trying to say to you now is as fearful you are of losing them, please don't take this as the final solution, and hopefully the tide will turn.
Please as though as desponded you are it's not the 'be all or end all'. Geoff.
