a letter to my wife

[guest75]

i had to get some stuff out of my head so i wrote a letter to my wife that i dont intend sending to her but will show her when/if this ivo stuff goes away

Dear Tara,

I write you this letter to you, knowing you may never read it, but writing it is helping me deal with the situation at the minute

I need to tell you that I am still head over heels in love with you. I still want to be with you. You and the kids mean everything to me and I feel like an empty shell without you guys

I know I've made mistakes, I know I have said and done things I cant take back. I know I don’t deserve another chance. I am trying to change, I am trying to become a better partner, a better dad, a better man. I am doing everything I can think of to improve – I am on anti depressants, I am seeing a psychologist who told me the caffeine in coke can make depression and anxiety worse, so I have given the up cold turkey since before Christmas. I have a new job on the docks in Melbourne, that I am driving to everyday, but have an interview for a role here in town next week that I will take if successful. I have joined a number of depression forums (beyond blue, etc) to talk with people in similar situations to me. I am doing everything I can think of to get better, for you, for the kids

Tara, I am scared, scared like I have never been before. Scared I’m going to lose you, lose the kids. I’m fighting as hard as I can, but without you I’m struggling. I’m absolutely exhausted, not physically, but emotionally. I’m struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I joined mensline today to ask if any other men had gone through the IVO process. That has scared me even more. You told mum you didn’t want to do this, and if I got myself sorted out by the 21st then everything would return to normal. I’m getting by each day on that hope, but I’m really starting to lose hope and don’t know what to do.

I love you with every part of my being and I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that if this is over, I don’t want anyone else, I will never be with anyone else – you are the only person I want to be with

I am going to close this now by saying, I LOVE YOU, you mean everything to me

Love Always

Matty

[geoff]

dear Matty, that's great, take a photocopy, and she may have a weak moment when you can then give it to her. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Hi Matty

Gee, I really feel for you, reading your letter to your wife had me in tears.

You are an amazing guy.  You love your wife so so much and you can see that by what you wrote.  And from you have written you are changing for the better, you are doing things to improve yourself which is fantastic.

I hope and pray that you both will be together again with your children.

Pls stay strong, thinking of you

Take care

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hey Matty  

That is a really beautiful letter.  Straight from the bottom of your heart.  I honestly think that no matter what happens ‘after’ the 21st, she should get to read it.

Are you going to write something also to your children?  

Kind regards  

Neil

[guest75]

Hi Geoff,

Im not sure how it all works on the day but i would love to give it to her, but i dont want to break any rules and make it worse for myself

Hi Jo,

I was in tears writing it too.  Im not an amazing guy, im a horrible person, which is why all this has happened

Thank you for support and i am hoping and praying for it to work out as well

Hi Neil,

I hope she gets the chance to read it, i so desperately want to tell her what im doing, to show her im changing, all i want is one conversation with her, to know if she has given up, to know if she wants us to work.  I know i needed something to kick me into gear to make changes, and we probably did need a break from each other, but not being able to speak to her, not knowing what is happening is killing me