help - new to this

[J7]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have no reason to be sad.

I have a great job which i enjoy, a supportive family and finally great friends. I have felt like this for years. But i hate myself. I put on a facade to everyone that i am ok. Some days I am better and others I am so low I cannot be reached.I have locked myself away from everyone and have taken two weeks off work. I feel I just cannot face anything right now. I have been drinking to the point that I cannot remember anything and then I have days of eating so much crap that I feel physically sick. I am overweight and have been trying to lose weight for most of my life. I am only 26 and I thought I would have done so much more by now. My last relationship was a year ago and it still haunts me. I loved him so much but I had to end it. All I want is to be desired, loved and this year I have been getting so drunk and sleeping with random men for a moment of intimacy. I crave love, thats all i want and because I want it that bad I know I wont get it. I feel like I have no option but to actually get help. I’ve been thinking about ending things and how much of a relief on everyone it would be. I just feel like a burden. I am unsure if this is depression? I just needed to vent.

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[Guest_3712]

Hi J7,

I felt like I was reading my own story as I read your post. Like I said in my last post I have much to be grateful for and yet I am still depressed. I am sure you are suffering from depression and I urge you to see someone and talk about it.

Sometimes just having a label for what is wrong helps- I know it made a difference to me. It is a medical condition and can be treated. You are currently on a self destruct course and it is very scary- I know I have been there many times myself.

You may think ending it is going to be a relief for everyone but you know this is not true. You have great support from family and friends and they would be devastated to know you feel like this.

One of the best things about seeing a professional like your GP for a start is that you can tell them all of these thoughts and you won't be judged or passed off as being overly dramatic. Give it a go. It's not the whole solution but it is a start.

I hope this helps a little- just know there are a lot of people who feel like you and you are not alone. Please write back if you feel like it.

Take care

stressless

[J7]

Hi Stressless,

Thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to me.I think I will take on your advice and speak to someone as this just keeps happening. And to speak to someone objectively would be good.

How are you feeling?

J7

[Guest_3712]

Hi J7,

Like you I have my good days and bad days. Christmas has been a mix of highs and lows but somehow I have got through it. I am hanging out until I see my psych in 2 weeks, he always makes a difference and helps me put things into perspective.

I am glad you have decided to so speak to someone. I hope this will give you some relief and set you on a new path. Let me know how you go. Stay safe

Stressless

[Neil_1]

Hi J7

I’m pleased that you are taking on Stressless’s suggestion to bring on some professional help … this is a very positive move;  as was coming to this site. 

These are all excellent signs that you want to battle this illness head on and not let it consume you.

Please please don’t be thinking of what you suggested near the end of your post … at times it feels so hopeless that that is what we think will be better … but it won’t.  It will not be a relief for anyone and it will cause untold pain to so many people. 

You’re young, well, to me 26 is young!  🙂   You’ve got so much ahead of you and sure it doesn’t seem right now that things will turn for the better, but with the right sort of treatment and support, things WILL turn around for you.

It would be great to hear back from you, if you feel like wanting to post again.

Kind regards

Neil

[Keir]

Hi, J7

Welcome to the wonderful world of depression 🙂 And congratulations on being a survivor. You're reading this now, so you MUST be a survivor. That's awesome!

Stressless and Neil1 are right on the money with regard to seeking professional support. I was so incredibly fortunate many years ago to drag myself, weeping, in to see my GP and have him get me a priority appointment with a psychiatrist within 24 hours. Quite frankly, it saved my life, and I'm so glad for that.

I love the fact that you wrote "I just needed to vent". We all need to do that, and these forums are perfect venting places.

You are needed, J7. We need you here in these forums to share those successes you will have in the future. In the meantime, don't ever hesitate to share your downs - we've all been there (far too many times) and crave only for your happiness. Seriously!

Yours in survival - Keir

[J7]

Thankyou both Keir and Neil for your posts. It has made me feel better to know that you have and are going through something similar. I will let you know how I go once I visit my gp. Appointment is next week. I have been feeling better but now know I need to do this.