I wish i could sum it up, i just can't….

[yesterday]

Dont know where to start,

Dont know where I am at with all of this,

Just know, that one way or another this has to end.

At some point it will end.

When will that be?

How will it come about?

Will it be violent?

Will it be peaceful?

Have i smiled my last genuine smile in this lifetime?

Why am i even like this?

I am physically fit, I am physically healthy, I have a wonderful loving family.

What is it that has misfirings occurring almost continuously in my mind.

Eleven years i have been on SSRI treatment, treading water, getting nowhere.

Going nowhere, endlessly tethered to this sickened mind from which there has been little respite in well over a decade.

[Chris_B]

Hi yesterday,

Welcome to the forums.  One of the most upsetting things about depression is 'depression about depression' - it's there in some of those questions you ask. Why am I feeling like this when I shouldn't be? It's like a bruise appearing on your arm when you haven't hurt yourself.

Not sure whether you've been on the same SSRIs for all 11 years, but clearly something is not working.  Have you spoken to your GP about this?  Have you ever tried therapy to help manage your depression?  Does your family know about your depression?

It sounds a little like you may have been having suicidal thoughts, which is very concerning, and a sign that you need some extra support right now.

Hope you can come back to us and let us know a little bit more about how you're going and what support you have at the moment.

[geoff]

hi Yesterday, after 11 years of feeling like this is something that shouldn't be, however it was probably about the same time when I was depressed, nothing seemed to work, medication still wasn't doing it's job, but I kept on going to see my psychologist only because I could talk to her honestly, and sure I may have picked up during the session, but as soon as I left I was back to square one, and to the bottle which helped me become numb, which then lead to me sleeping.

Personally for me, and I'm not saying that this would work for yourself, nor do I want to encourage this feeling for you to embark on, but for me, it changed when my divorce was over and I moved into a rented house and lived by myself with my little dog.

I don't blame my ex for my depression, but it was this that caused the divorce, but slowly I began to see the light, maybe because I had to tend for myself, and please I don't want you or anyone else to do the same as I have done, as I am only talking about what happened to me, and your situation could be totally different. Geoff.