regretting ever seeking help

[Sparkles183]

A few months ago I could see myself slipping back into depression, so I went to the GP to get a mental health plan. Now I am regretting ever seeking help as everything I have tried does not seem to work which frustrates me and makes me angry inside.

 I see both a psychologist and my GP every few weeks but in reality I don’t know why I bother they both must think I am a drama queen and wasting their time it is not like they listen to me anyway. And my psychologist even told me that I am choosing to walk in depression (which annoyed me because I know that it is not true)

I tried meds a few weeks ago but had a bad reaction to them and I am not allowed to try anything else until 4 to 5 weeks after my last dose.

 This is the first time I ever reached out to get medical attention for my depression and follow through with the treatment plan, but now I am regretting it as I feel it has triggered my anxiety more than anything. I faced an 18 month battle of depression on and off and won once before without any help. Even though this depressive episode has only been for the last few months some reason it feels different and kind of worse as I can no longer cry anymore but really feel like I need to cry

 I know I need help to get through this depressive episode but when I do reach out for help no one listens to me. And they say I am choosing to walk in depression. I faced this battle once before and won without any help and I know I can do it again.

[Sparkles183]

Thank you Cocobochow

I am so happy you have found a good counsellor and GP, it gives me a little bit of hope.

I read an article last night titled Red Flags a clinician isn’t right for you. And my psychologist ticked 9 out of 11 red flags.

 Anyway talking about him just makes me more depressed, I think I need to start thinking about Fairy Dust and Butterflies and go for a walk and get some sunshine.

Thank you so much you have been a great help

Same to you I am here for you if you need anything

Sparkles      

[White_Rose]

Hello Sparkles

I have a feeling I have responded to you before. Not sure. I hope I can help you here.

You commented a few posts ago that other people in your church believe you should not get professional help for depression. And you said you went against other people's beliefs. What other people believe is up to them. I believe I am a Christian and I certainly believe in getting professional help. I would be surprised if your minister had the skills to help you, even if you were prepared to go to him/her.

God has given us all sorts of ways to get healthy and stay healthy. I bet your fellow parishioners get antibiotics etc. Why is depression so different? Depression is an illness just like any other illness, like cancer. And it is just as difficult to manage and cure. In my experience, meditation is a great help, but it is not the only option.

So please, keep on trying to find a compatible psychologist. It really would be worthwhile to use your remaining three visits to try another psych. If you 'click' then you can arrange visits in the new year and take it from there.

It may be worthwhile to check with your GP if you can have additional psych visits after the initial 10. Also, if you use these 3 visits and find another psych, check on their payment options. Does Medicare pay part costs in the same way as they pay for GP and other specialist visits? If so you may be able to afford the 'gap' payment.

It is a great pity that some psychs are less than professional in their conduct. I went to a psychiatrist who fell asleep while I was talking. He also swore at me on one occasion and was often sarcastic.  Why did I stay? Good question. I was afraid not to stay as I felt I had no other options. Fortunately my GP took a hand and I managed to leave.

Get all the help you can. Depression is a bad place to be and hard to get out from under. I hope I have helped.

LING

[Sparkles183]

  Hi Ling

Thank you for your Reply.

I do agree with you that depression is like any other illness and we do need to get some Form  of treatment.

 The church I go to now is ok.

but a few years ago I was on the Leadership team of another church in a different state and I opened up to the pastor That I had depression and he said to me that depression is not real and is demonic and The only reason I have depression is because I was sinning. Other people on the leadership Team advised me not to go to the psychologist I was referred to at that time, as reckon it went against the bible.

 I left that church at that time and moved states

When first went to my  psychologist I did tell him I was Christian, and he said he will Respect that. But on our last session he had me do an ego gram and printed the results out For me. And I said that this goes against my Christian faith, then he snatched the clip board off me And said it is no use of us working on this because you are not going to pay attention and the only Reason I said something is I scored low on the ego gram.

I have a Question you

Do you feel that the professional’s you have seen respected you and your faith? As that is what is one of the main thing that is holding me back as I am not willing to give up my faith for any psychologist.

 I am glad you left that psychiatrist It does not help when a professional is not treating us right , I don’t know about you but it has made my depression worse. And it gives a bad name for other professionals. I have been thinking about talking to my GP about it when I go back in a few weeks. I just need to learn to trust any Psychologist again.

 Thank you so much for you Reply

 Sparkles

[White_Rose]

Sparkles

I think that, like any profession, there are good, bad and indifferent practitioners. Unfortunately with psychs of any colour, they have the potential to do more harm than good. My psychiatrist was sarcastic about my faith and when I said I had talked to my doctor about these things he said I was wasting Medicare money. I asked him why he refused to talk about these things and he said he was not qualified, which is about the truest thing he ever said.

No psychologist should suggest you give up your faith in any way. I know there are extreme, fundamentalist groups who do a great deal of damage to people. I have mixed feelings about dissuading people from joining these groups, but it is their choice. Certainly a psych has no right to interfere with your beliefs and I would not change my beliefs because a psych told me to. Fortunately for me the psych I am seeing is also a Christian so the question does not arise.

I am not sure how my GP feels about faith but she never, ever tries to turn me away from what I believe. I can understand your hesitation about seeing a psych again. Once I had left the psychiatrist I was terrified of going to another. The person I see now was because of chance.

I feel sorry for your ex-pastor. Such extreme beliefs are not in line with NT teaching and to say the bible does not condone psychology is ludicrous. The bible does not say you can take medication such as antibiotics but people do and they have cured one of the greatest medical horrors of biblical times, leprosy. People talk a lot of rot about things they have not thought about in a rational way. And particularly about illnesses that have not affected them. I expect their tune would change if they became depressed.

I don't know what an ego gram is so I cannot comment. But if it is something to do with your self confidence then he certainly is not helping by abusing you. I would have thought that given that conversation he should have discussed any apparent conflict between faith and questionnaires. After all, that's what he's there for.

Ask your GP to refer you to someone else. Do you think you may be more confident with a woman?  It shouldn't matter but it may help. You could try an internet search for a christian psychologist in your area, but make sure the person is a registered, qualified psychologist.

I hope I have answered your question. If not get back to me and I will try again. Hope you get back here anyway.

LING

[geoff]

dear LING and Sparkles, your religious beliefs shouldn't really matter when you see a psychologist, because if it did then what about all the other many different beliefs that people have, the point is, is that you are getting the help needed.

I realise that some religions may forbid their parishioners from foretaking in certain events or activities, however it's not fair that it should stop you from trying to deal with depression, because it's such a controlling illness, and it's you not them that is suffering 24/7. L Geoff. x

[Sparkles183]

Thanks LING

You gave been a great help

I guess my faith means the world to me and it is the only thing that has kept me alive and gave me hope throughout this depressive episode and in the pass.

 But I feel like I am getting weaker and I am slowly losing it and it scares me to think what will happen to me if I lose my faith.

I know I am in a bad place at the moment.

 A couple of times I felt like going on the beyond blue online live chat. Then I saw the bit where you had to give your phone number, Anxiety kicked in and I decided not to try I guess I am also afraid of being judged and people finding out who I am and that I have Depression. I also don’t want to give out my phone number.

That is one great thing about these forums is that they are anonymous and I feel like I can open up and get things off my chest

I am now allowed to start my new meds. Just crossing my fingers that I  DONT have the same reaction. I am holding on to the little bit of hope I have at the moment that I will make it through this.

Thank you so much for listening to me and letting me vent it means so much to me.

Sparkles 

[White_Rose]

Great to hear from you again.  I do hope your new ADs will help. You certainly can open up here without any fear. Glad you believe you can do so.

You say you feel you are getting weaker. Do you mean your faith or is the depression getting a stronger hold? It's not quite clear. Depression acts on people like that and gradually wears them down so that it constantly feels harder to stay on track and do anything.

I practice Christian Meditation. This is an old tradition going back several thousand years and I understand this is how Jesus was meditating in the desert. You can look it up on the internet. Australian Christian Meditation Community. Click on state meditation groups and find a group in your state. It has been a life saver for me and helps me cope with the ups and downs of depression. It also deepens my spiritual life.

Going through periods of weakness or darkness with depression is unfortunately normal. The only way to get through it is to go through it. And it is a long and lonely road if you do not have help. This is why I suggest you ask for another psych and use up your remaining visits. I know it's scary for you but look at it as one step towards getting well.  It's a bit like swallowing nasty medicine. Once it's down you can move on and have something nice to eat.

If you are not comfortable with the live chat line why not try the the BB phone line. Number at the top of the page. You do not need to give any personal details.  They do ask for your first name because it is more comfortable to address you by name, but you do not have to give it. Or you can give a different name. You will be able to find help there.

Courage, my friend.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Sparkles

I'm sure I wrote to you last night but the post has not yet appeared. I hope it does as I cannot remember all the things I wrote. I know I mentioned Christian Meditation and suggested you may like to follow this up. Search for Australian Christian Meditation Community on the web. You can look up state groups and hopefully find a group near you where the members can show you how to meditate.

Not feeling too well this morning as I have had 'flu and a cough which keeps returning every time I think I am well again. Going to the doctor's shortly. I have discovered I am addicted to breathing which is becoming difficult ATM.

Hopefully my post will appear or I will write again.

Mary

[Sparkles183]

Hi Mary Thank you for getting back to me.

And I hope you are feeling better unfortunately on this site it can take up to 17 hours for some post to appear .your post did eventually appear so that is a good thing.

I do practice a form of meditation when I am worshiping alone but I found it hard the last few months as my mind is racing 1000 miles an hour, but these meds has helped relax me a little bit and I downloaded a new song the other night so I have had have a few times of meditation in the last couple of days.

When I said I felt like I was getting weaker I meant both my faith is getting weaker and the depression is getting stronger which is what scares me because my faith is what stops we from doing things such as self-harm. But I have got an action plan in place and I promise I will contact the online chat if the urges gets any stronger. (IT is making me cry writing this as I never told anyone that before)

 I think the online chat is best for me as I hate speaking on the phone.

 We had a speaker at church yesterday who mentioned in his message that Anxiety does not need to be medicated but needs to be repented of. It does sadden me when people has that point of view and it does stop people from getting help. I am currently studying nursing at the moment so I do understand that we do need to get some form of treatment. And I now choose not to listen to people with that view.

 I am going back to my GP in 2 weeks for a medication review I might talk to her then about getting a referral to another psychologists.   

 (Hey Question for you moderators who are reading this. On the bit where you register for online chat and you have to give out your phone number in case they need to call you back. If I do give out my real phone number can I refuse for you guys to call me back or use my number in any way)

  Thank you so much for getting back to me. And I apologise for asking a random question to the moderators on this post.

Sparkles

[Chris_B]

Hi Sparkles,

Thanks for your question, it's great to hear you have a plan in place to deal with the urges. If you haven't already, AGrace has a thread called Tips For Surfing Urges which has some useful tips for getting through difficult moments.

Before using web chat, we require all users to agree to the Terms & Conditions, which can be read in full here. Your personal information is only used under very specific circumstances, which are detailed on the Terms & Conditions page. If you have any further questions about these terms, there is a contact email address available on that page you can write to.

Hope you're enjoying your time here on the forums.