Quit my job due to depression and anxiety

[SHELBY MUSTANG]

Hi all my first post.

I recently resigned from my corporate job and have 1 and a half weeks till I finally leave, early May.

The job pays 80k and I have no other job lined up, luckily I have managed to save money up but I could not cope anymore as my depression was overwhelming me and my workload was ever increasing. The company is very disorganised and I was given no training or handover with 4 major projects and management didnt care they expected me to deliver by working unpaid overtime.

It came to a head one day when I started crying at my desk, luckily no one saw me. The work colleagues are horrible and evil, one of them was making fun of me saying I was going to fail in delivering one of the projects and another guy said I was too ugly to have a girl friend. I have been single for a very long time but have a few close female friends but I m in the friend zone only which probably only adds to my depression and loneliness.

The sheer workload every day makes me anxious and I struggle to get out of bed on workdays, even on my days off I cannot sleep and when I do I get out of bed at 1-2pm as I have no motivation whatsoever.

I have told them I am leaving for personal reasons as I plan to spend time with my elderly mother, I did not trust them to tell them I was depressed and unhappy in the company and my role. I actually asked for 3 months Long Service Leave but they said we were too busy and they couldn't let me have time off. I have 9 weeks sick leave and I sometimes think I should have taken the sick leave instead but I know deep down I hate the job and the company and all that will do is delay the inevitable.

I m scared of not having a job especially when I was paid a decent salary, I haven't looked for one as I don't know what to do, I don't think I can work anymore in evil greedy Corporate Companies that use you, I was only making the Execs rich working all the extra hours.

But I realise my mental health is suffering and I have to walk away from all the noise and get my health, happiness, motivation and passion back. Its actually hard for me to apply for other jobs when I m so depressed all the time as this will show up in job interviews, its hard to hide. I am worried when I apply for jobs the fact I quit will go against me, but I did work for my current company for almost 10 years.

Has anyone been or is in a similar situation and give me advice, I m so unhappy all the time and hope it will lift when I walk out the door.

[Sad_Puppy_Dog]

Hi Shelby,

5 years ago I quit my job. I was burnt out, probably some months beforehand. By the time I knew it, it took me a few weeks to finally psyche myself up to tell my manager and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I was in a demanding sales environment, which is stressful in itself. Don't produce results, don't eat. It was my partner of the time (Who we met as co-workers in the same job a few years prior before she quit due to sickness) who was trying to encourage me to finish up. Even though I was frustrated with the job I was resistant, until I could resist no more.

I felt guilty and empty for spending the past 8 yrs denying my creative impulses to pursue a film making career, what I was doing before the job. But the environment got toxic and political, there were threats of demotion if I didn't improve, my manager had a dysfunctional relationship with me because I always wanted to please him but he also knew how to exploit me. I was not a born salesman but I developed a strong work ethic so I had to grind harder, work more hours, even weekends to try to go for my next promotion and to survive. And he'd encourage me to do more and more. I had no social life. Most of my friends faded away. It was almost 24/7. And my manager had little understanding or empathy regarding depression, until his on marriage dissolved. And I didn't find that out for awhile but in that time he was mentally absent and I was alone trying to get forward without his active mentorship. I was drowning.

I knew I wanted to get back into film but didn't know how. It would be starting from scratch again Facing the unknown was utterly scary. It was safer and more comfortable to stay in this sales career with no stable income than to quit. But I did, I quit. Eventually, doing that job for any longer was more sickening and awful to me than having no job and total uncertainty.

The day I quit was surreal. After I left, I suddenly had time to go into the city and look around the shops for awhile, something I haven't done in AGES. It was strange but liberating.

I wouldn't say things have been totally easy since. Forging a career in the arts is HARD, I have had depression relapses and 2 big heartbreaks but by God I would NEVER EVER go back to that sales environment again. There were some good memories and personal growth but if you're not happy, sometimes a clean break has to happen for your sanity and well being.

[dominoes]

I don't know if you are still reading this thread, but I am in the same boat. I just walked away from $100,000 a year due to depression. The job would have only made it worse due to the stress. I too am single and have nobody to lean on.

I realise I have a problem and I need to get my life on track. This has been going on for a long time. I'm taking time out now, and not working, and will probably try to get something after 6 months.

The system in cruel. If you leave a job to save your own life, other employers look at this and turn you away. It's cruel and it's wrong. I've now come to a point where I am sick of being trapped and am going to take things day by day for as long as I can.

You only have one life.. Why waste it doing a job you hate and blindly following a line you know will never take you to where you want to go! I've jumped off the train too many times now, at great cost money wise.

I wish all of you the best in your search!

[SHELBY MUSTANG]

Hi everyone well its coming up to 7 months since I left my job. All the stress and anxiety washed away as soon as I walked out the door.

I did turn down a temp job for a 4 week assignment a few months ago as I felt I still needed time away and did not want to go back to a corporate company.

Recently I have looked to change careers and go into government jobs even on a part time basis to ease myself back in, however it is a tough world out there as I even missed out on entry level jobs which I thought I might get with my Management experience. I believe a lot of government jobs are already filled with someone in an acting capacity and they just interview because they have to and they want to promote the person acting in the role to a permanent status.

So that has made me a bit disillusioned so I have decided to continue to take a bit more time off for the summer and will either look next March or might take off on a trip around Australia or overseas for 6 months.

My depression comes and goes, some days I force myself out the door and go for a walk to my local library just to get out in the land of the living.

I don't regret leaving my job as I was having a complete breakdown, I just need to get motivated and will look for some self help books to work out what to do with my life.

[blondguy]

Hi Shelby Mustang....Sweet Ride by the way....I wish!

.....and welcome Dominoes 🙂

Shelby mentioned "All the stress and anxiety washed away as soon as I walked out the door"

What a great thread! I was made redundant in Jan 2016 and joined the Beyond Blue forums just after. Its the best 2 years I have had in a long time....The depression reduced and the generalised anxiety too

It took me many years to understand that my corporate life.....nice salary of six figures...nice fleet vehicle was only superficial.....at its best.

I understand that the govt positions seem impossible to get into Shelby but after reading what you have written I see a legend and a determined one. They are the way to go for sure....

I was just about to change my avatar to Brian.....seriously....I might just leave the eagle up.....

Just so you know...I still take a small dosage of an SSRI everyday for the last 20 years to be effective at work and pay the mortgage of course....Just for me it was the smartest move I made despite being anti-meds

Great thread Shelby Mustang...and thankyou for the reality check about health coming before corporate

My Best

Paul

[SHELBY MUSTANG]

Thanks for everyone's support to Dominoes I hope you were paid out annual leave and have money to get you thru the next 6 months, take time for yourself and reward yourself a nice beach holiday sitting by the pool or beach and feeling the warm weather on your face.

One thing I noticed was in my job, every single day dragged on endlessly since I m not working the time has flown and I cannot believe its been 7 months gone like that.

No matter how much you earn, the man who dies with a million dollars still dies, choose happiness over cash.

Blond Guy yeah Brian always makes me happy such a quirky character, the new series on 7 mate is great, Brian has been thrown out of home and living on his own trying to get by, I can identify with him 🙂

[blondguy]

Noted...7mate....Family Guy...and thanks!

I am no expert Shelby but you are a total legend for noticing the difference in your health after you quit

Health is paramount....all other considerations are secondary

Great Stuff 🙂 and Go Ford!!

Paul

[Amy86]

Thank you for your post, I'm in a similar situation and ready to jump of that train too into the unknown 🙂

[LoveJoy369]

Hi SHELBY/Amy,

I have the similar situation. I resigned last month. I am not 100% blame on the job as I have tiny bit mental health issue since last year.

Externally: the multinational company provides tons of learning opportunities and challenges. I was earning $80k plus as well. The task itself in a tidy environment would be so easy, but due to many staff turnover over 10 months period, lots of un-resolved items were sitting there without much supporting documents. During quarter ends, middle management and senior worked till 9pm (quite often) or even 11pm. I tried very hard to keep up a good work with tons of over time, Sat (self over time). I had a mental breakdown during one quarter end. I had to leave straight away as I could not think directly. The senior management team had a chat with me and understood why I left work so sudden. I truly appreciated that. Coming back from 10 days holiday, I was better but 3 weeks after I found myself have to settle for 2 hours each day to management my panic. In the end, I resigned for 'personal health' reason. My colleagues understood and all sent me sms when I resigned. I love the people but not the company (or the culture 'play hard, work extremely harder').

I have been told I rarely gave myself credits and I set very high expectation for myself. So the time I resigned, I started again psychologist session as well. In fact, I always motivate people around me and I rarely show people I need a shoulder sometimes. I am feeling grateful that I am taking this break to see clearer about myself. Always external and internal factors that triggered me a 'breakdown'.

Now I am at home with these schedules:

Gratitude — List one thing you’re grateful for.
Intention — How do you want to be today? Focused? Spontaneous? Light?
Priorities — What are the 3 most important things you want to do today?
Progress — What progress, however small, have you already made towards your goals?
Opportunity — Every day can be an opportunity: What’s yours today?
Request — Ask for what you need, from yourself, your family, and the universe!I

Also suggest few books:

-13 things mentally strong people don't do, by Amy Morin

-The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware

-5 love languages, by Gary Chapman

I read 2 books over last month and I am shining away from social life. I tried to be this forum on 14/11/17, but I was not ready at that time. I found the discussion was too much for me. Now I am much better.

Together, we can do this:)

love

[DeVoe]

Hi all, I've been in my current job for nearly 6 years, there were times when I wanted to quit due to depression but I told myself I gotta stay strong because there'll be no better jobs out there in my field. All my friends have been there and done that, and none of them seems to be 100% happy about their jobs. I just see my job as a way to pay my bills as I get paid a decent amount. I'm too scared to resign because I don't know if I will be able to find a secure full time job to contribute to our home mortgage payments (my partner only works part time so if I drop my job we'll definitely struggle). I've always been regarded as the most diligent employee and a role model for the junior staff to look up to. The only thing I hate about my job is my colleagues. They don't care about the clients and when they make mistakes, they try to cover it up without admitting it and come up with plenty of excuses. When I make mistakes I'll try my best to fix the problem, unlike them who always brush it off. While I have a huge amount of regular clients that appreciate my work, the management doesn't seem to take notice of my effort. At work we have regular meetings where everyone can raise their concern about any matters or issues arising in our workplace to the management so they can come up with solution and strategies to solve them. Out of my frustration I often speak up and suggest a better way to deal with such issues eg having proper communication in place like leaving handover notes and reading others' notes so we can solve the clients' issues in a more professional manner. My idea was criticised as if I focused on the general matter, not the client in particular, but again, what are we trying to achieve here? Instead of supporting my idea, they said let's just get things done from here and not address this issue. As someone who is keen on learning how to do everything on the job, how would you feel when your manager only shows certain people how to do it and when you ask about it they'll just say it's not your responsibility so you don't have to know. My friends who work at other branches told me they were trained to do everything and I felt like I missed out on a lot of stuff. This job doesn't make me feel like a miserable loser. I dread going to work more than anything because it makes me feel like I never belong here, I'm not even sure if whatever I'm doing was ever considered of significance. Right now I think I need a long break to get over this mess.

[Yes!2Life]

Hi All,
I read this post.. and decided to join BB.

Everything I am about to write is really a conversation I am having with myself, but aloud here, so that all of you can hear what I am saying to myself. I am going through a life event and a very depressive time in my life etc..

From all the read here, I wanted to add, I am feeling pretty tainted and jaded at my work place too. 16 years and counting... sigh 😞 phew

But, some of the things I keep telling myself are .. I am aware that the structure of the world and the games we play are all intertwined in many or most of the jobs we are all involved in here. There is no escaping the work pressures, the human conditions and the extreme daily mental outcomes. Without being insensitive to my mental state, I just want to remember, the game of life is hard, the pitfalls, the heartaches, the disappointments, the agony .. and many more uugghh feelings, it's all a big wash of mental strain, but I do need to realize that inside me is a stronger version of me, that needs some coaxing and nurturing to continue the good fight no matter how tough. I say, YES, take the time out, do the rest thing, make changes, have a breather and all the things that you need to do to recharge the mind and soul, but, be sure to understand, not much would have changed on your return, don't softened yourself to the point that it all is ALWAYS way too much. I know it is, but as said earlier, the game is as such.. it's cruel and pushy, its ruthless and unforgiving at times too, what we can do apart from all the other things is to talk our selves into getting stronger and believing that we can win and we must strive, harder and even harder if need be. Our own lives and lives of our loved ones depend on these battles.

If water was seen has life then, the same water can soften potatoes and again the same water can harden eggs. It's what you are made of in the end!
I truly wish us all the strength, the blessings and the fortitude for the road ahead.
GOD is Great!


Amen...
Yes!2Life