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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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lauaadeline depression
  • replies: 2

I feel bad for even writing anything I just want someone to be there for me i reach out to all of my friends, my boyfriend they have nothing to say. I even read into the depth of my contacts to see who will answer me and who will check if i’m ok. but... View more

I feel bad for even writing anything I just want someone to be there for me i reach out to all of my friends, my boyfriend they have nothing to say. I even read into the depth of my contacts to see who will answer me and who will check if i’m ok. but none of them do. and maybe it’s because i’m the problem but I try everything to not be the problem and to be a good friend and good girlfriend and it’s not enough. no one cares. I almost killed my self tonight and on one tried to stop me because no one cared enough to answer my texts. I’m tired and I just want to die because then it would be over and they would realise I wasn’t just lying for attention when I told them how upset I was

CB81 Feeling hollow
  • replies: 2

Hi, I feel I’m running out of options. I was actually ok during lockdown and I’ve still got a full-time job I can do from home so I felt blessed. But the pain of being 39 and always single stings. It’s taken me a while to get over someone (even thoug... View more

Hi, I feel I’m running out of options. I was actually ok during lockdown and I’ve still got a full-time job I can do from home so I felt blessed. But the pain of being 39 and always single stings. It’s taken me a while to get over someone (even though he was never mine as he had a GF). He played games and it was on again off again but he’s had me blocked for over a year and it’a fed into my feelings of worthlessness. I’m trying bumble again and I don’t get any messages back. I’ve lost capacity for joy. Life seems like just work and obligations. I’ve got a spa weekend on my own coming up and looking forward to it. I guess at 39 I feel more of a social outcast for not having married. The only things anchoring me at moment are exercise, work and reading. But i am scared I’m never going to be happy again or date. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Last night I took a benzodiazepine which helps. I guess I wanted to ask has anyone really changed and become happier after being so low for ages. Anyone actually meet anyone after 39 without being looked at like a weirdo for not being married?

Dobbs88 Despondent
  • replies: 4

Hi all, thanks for letting me reach out. I should start off by saying I’m rather lucky in life, I have a lovely partner and friends. i have a history of depression and ocd. I’m working in a job where it’s taboo to talk about mental illness. It’s also... View more

Hi all, thanks for letting me reach out. I should start off by saying I’m rather lucky in life, I have a lovely partner and friends. i have a history of depression and ocd. I’m working in a job where it’s taboo to talk about mental illness. It’s also highly competitive. Positions are heavily sought after. I had my sights set on a certain position for the future. But it required pre requisite experience. I spoke to the appropriate people before jobs were given out for next year about how they could help me gain the right rotations in my job next year for this. They said they’d do all they could to help. When jobs were released a week ago though they had given me no rotations in these areas at all, giving these rotations to everyone in my particular “stream” except for me. I was devastated. These people also will not respond to emails or pick up their phones. Im gutted. The very nature of these positions means no experience this year prohibits you from getting experience the following year and so on. This has jeopardised my career before it really began. Since this happened I’ve stopped seeing my friends, family, having horrible thoughts, struggled to sleep and eat. I desperately try to hide how bad Im feeling at work because i feel ashamed and humiliated. My family can’t understand so I avoid talking to them and I havent explained to my partner how down I’m feeling. I can’t see a way forward in my career at all now and I feel like I’ve lost everything I worked so hard for.

mocha delight Am I really that forgettable?
  • replies: 5

So it’s now officially my birthday today and I’m 33 and it seems to my family it’s nothing worth mentioning. So apparently I’ll be spending it alone tonight as my parents will not be home for dinner as it seems work is more important. Also not celebr... View more

So it’s now officially my birthday today and I’m 33 and it seems to my family it’s nothing worth mentioning. So apparently I’ll be spending it alone tonight as my parents will not be home for dinner as it seems work is more important. Also not celebrated my birthday in a quite a while with friends as the very little friends I do have are always to busy as I’ve noticed it gets like that even from the start of December as I like to say as Christmas is in the same month so I call it the silly season month. So I guess I’ll be spending it alone and will end up doing some emotional eating as I’m an emotional eater and will turn to some fattening comfort food.

Claire_4 Conflicting emotions
  • replies: 5

Lately I’ve been feeling so confused with my emotions. One moment I’m fine and the next I have this aching feeling in my chest and all I want to do is cry. Nothing has happened that can justify this feeling, so I keep it to myself because whenever I ... View more

Lately I’ve been feeling so confused with my emotions. One moment I’m fine and the next I have this aching feeling in my chest and all I want to do is cry. Nothing has happened that can justify this feeling, so I keep it to myself because whenever I hint at even feeling down, I get asked "what happened? why do you feel like this?" and it makes me hurt even more because nothing happened and I don’t know why I feel like this. I don’t have a right to feel like this, people who have been hurt badly, have been through trauma, they have the right to feel like this, but why do I feel like this. And then there’s this "why me?", what a selfish thing to say, right, because it isn't just me. there’s about a billion and more people in this world who feel the same but even then, I feel like everyone else has the right to feel the way they feel but me. I grow up in a happy family, so what on gods earth do I have to be sad for, nothing. I go through these phases, first I’m fine, then I fall into this stage of “blue” where everything I do feels forced and half-hearted and then I have this “reflective” stage and then back to the start again. And it seems like I’m doing fine but each time I fall into these blue stages, I seem to be falling deeper and it gets harder and takes longer to get out of. It's making me more tired and lately there’s this one question that won’t leave my mind. What is the point of life? or simply, what is the point? I have anxiety and the one thing I’ve been told is that no matter what you do, your anxiety isn't going away, it is a lifelong battle that you have to learn how to fight. And it's the same as this feeling. It is never going away; it will always be there. And then I think about life in general. you wake up, go to work, then you go to bed and then do that all over again till you retire. put that plus these feelings of anxiety and depression. what’s the point? I just don’t get it. But at the same time, I could never just leave this world, because I know the pain that would cause my family. and there’s this quote I once read that comes to mind " Cherish every single moment that comes by ladies and gentleman. The day you wasted today is the tomorrow that someone who died yesterday so badly wished for." And it would just be even more selfish of me to give up now, when I don't know what the future might bring, and I have the luxury of a future whereas there are many who don't. So, as you can see my emotions are conflicting. What should I do?

she_is_trying I don't know where else to go...
  • replies: 2

Depression really does come in waves. I have my good days and my bad, I am currently in the latter. I have been feeling very lonely and yet my thoughts seem louder than they usually are. I feel like a burden to a lot of people around me and I feel li... View more

Depression really does come in waves. I have my good days and my bad, I am currently in the latter. I have been feeling very lonely and yet my thoughts seem louder than they usually are. I feel like a burden to a lot of people around me and I feel like some of them are pulling away and I don't know why. I'm really insecure about my depression and anxiety, I just don't know how to open up to someone without them feeling like this is a "heavy" topic or that I'm burdening them. I've noticed how negative I've been lately and even I'm starting to get annoyed with myself. I haven't felt this way in years and I thought I had it all under control, I want to go back to therapy but the idea of talking to someone or socializing with new people is exhausting. I've recently disabled my Instagram account and thinking of just slowly disappearing, I can't seem to shake the feeling but I just want to disappear. Some days I honestly believe that I might, I might just really disappear and then I think of what would happen. When will they find me, who will make the call, how would they find me- ps: I live alone. On some nights I'll think that those thoughts were ridiculous cause I'm a wimp, I won't be able to do any of that. Then the self-hatred loop kicks in where I wish I was dead but I can't cause I'm too chicken and that I don't want to disappoint people around me but also is a disappointment already- it's a vicious cycle, really. I feel tired but I can't sleep, I want to be with people who I care about but I don't want to cling to them. My family is not in this country and they don't know what's happening nor do we have that type of relationship where we 'share'. My head is always heavy from the migraines and when I'm out I have sudden moments where I'm back to that dark place, that's when I tell people "I'm just tired". How to unload my thoughts without being a nuisance to those I care for? I've unloaded once and a few responded with "Just don't be sad" which honestly, made me feel even more worst. Some have helped and to ask for more help is selfish of me. Some can't take the intensity of the conversation and I don't blame them, It's not the lightest conversation. So, I guess that's why I came on to this forum. I hope someone reads this because honestly, I don't know where else to go...

Taylor94 I dont know what to do anymore.
  • replies: 2

I have recently found out that i am pregnant, ive only been with my partner for roughly 5 months and we are engaged but we do love each other a lot and know that we wanna spend the rest of our lives together. And i am okay with this but the issue is ... View more

I have recently found out that i am pregnant, ive only been with my partner for roughly 5 months and we are engaged but we do love each other a lot and know that we wanna spend the rest of our lives together. And i am okay with this but the issue is that he has another daughter to a previous ex partner (i love this little girl, she is so amazing), his ex is very childish and spiteful towards me and my partner, and now that she know that i am pregnant it has gotten worse. She has asked me to not bath, change or dress her daughter, which i have respected but lately she seems to keep making comments that put me down and makes me feel like im not gonna be a good enough mother to my own child or hers and has been causing so much drama and conflict. I have tried to let it go and not let it get to me but since the pregnancy my GP had taken me off my anti-depressants and im starting to feel so low and hateful towards myself. My partner has been understanding and caring but everything is taking its toll on him too and i dont know what to do anymore or what the right decision is. We both have family dramas going on, he has to deal with his ex's verbal and emotional abuse (as she likes to use his daughter against him) and now with my mental health feeling like its declining fast, im left feeling like maybe this baby isnt a good idea but the thought of terminating is so heart breaking. I cant dicuss this with my family as they would not understand and i dont really have any friends i can confide in either. My partner said he will stand by and support whatever i choose but i know he wants this baby so much. I have no idea what the right move to make is and i feel so lost and alone, which is making my mental health worse...

Mr__Darcy An affliction masked and embraced as my personality.
  • replies: 1

So here I am. A year ago i suspect many people would trade places with me but this assumption is no doubt in large part due to my ego. In my existential reflections its hard to picture my former self now. 33 years of narcissistic blissful ignorance c... View more

So here I am. A year ago i suspect many people would trade places with me but this assumption is no doubt in large part due to my ego. In my existential reflections its hard to picture my former self now. 33 years of narcissistic blissful ignorance came to a crescendo in February when I had a complete breakdown resulting in my eventual resignation from a CEO position for an NGO that landed in my lap 30 years too early. Id been exceedingly optimistic all my life and why wouldn't i be, everything always seemed to go my way. If i set my mind to something it would usually manifest and if it didn't id just change my perspective of the situation and be at peace. Cognitive dissonance in all its glory. Always a story to be told and everyone wanted to be around the boundless confidence that led me to what i thought was the perfect life. Travel, adventure, women, parties and a successful altruistic career to balance out my hedonistic behavior. What a crock of shit. I think only a few long term ex girlfriends knew the real me behind closed doors... doors I wouldn't even open. Erratic impulsive behavior coupled with bouts of depression are hard to hide from the people closet to you. So i pushed away the ones I loved so I could be left with the me I hated. Mental health disorder runs deep in my family and for me its Bi-Polar 2. Officially diagnosed last month but I've known for the longest time and just passed it off as my all or nothing personality. The undertones of self-loathing in this post are not because I have a mental health disorder but because iv'e lived my life ashamed of it. Too scared to be vulnerable to a stigma I've worked so hard to lift for others and in doing so I've let them down. Id like to acknowledge also that I've lived a very blessed and lucky life and reading the stories of others who have gone through much more than i can comprehend let alone make it out the other side has given me hope for the first time in a long time. Thanks.

JakeL74 Don't even know where to start
  • replies: 4

I've gone from a married, baby-on-the-way, white picket fence yuppie type. Everything was on the rise, and then all it took for that to be taken away was a slippery road, a 73 year old driver and the love of my life choosing cocaine and company of ot... View more

I've gone from a married, baby-on-the-way, white picket fence yuppie type. Everything was on the rise, and then all it took for that to be taken away was a slippery road, a 73 year old driver and the love of my life choosing cocaine and company of other men to cope instead of me. She became violent and left me with external scars, but the real scars are the ones that lay strong in my head. 2 years and two suicide attempts later, I feel like I'm fighting a war I never asked to be a part of; sifting through a void where my only escape is three bottles of merlot + each night. I was good for a while. I'm 6 foot 3 and was gaunt, 85 kilos. I hit the gym and HARD to let out the hate I felt for myself, never leaving until I was in agony. Ate and ate, got up to a good looking 105. Now, the bottles are back, Im down to 97kgs, not eating, maybe going to the gym once a week, insecure about my relationship to a woman who is utter perfection, more than I could ever feel worth of having. I was lucky to get a new job since COVID. I have everything that I could need to support me... and all I want is for the book to come to a close. I feel ungrateful for the opportunity/second chance life has given me, like I'm pissing on the embers that keep the light on.

Guitarboy I'm down to 2 symptoms, almost there..
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, so my concoction of medications mixed with recent TMS treatment left me with the following symptoms. It's just hard when everyone at the treating team thinks I'm doing well, when I tell them of my symptoms. My current symptoms are as fol... View more

Hi everyone, so my concoction of medications mixed with recent TMS treatment left me with the following symptoms. It's just hard when everyone at the treating team thinks I'm doing well, when I tell them of my symptoms. My current symptoms are as follows. * I can't feel any emotions, just blunt, flat, numb, dull, no emotions at all. * Social isolation because I don't enjoy going out and everything feels like an effort. I don't even know why I'm writing this right now, just wanted to share my progress with the rest of the world.

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